Convincing a male to wear a condom? - page 2
Hi, I am being sincere with my question. I think most people on AN know that one of my interests is public health. I think it is wonderful to have the knowledge of how to prevent STIs and ... Read More
Jun 11, '13If I was a health educator I would promote condoms to men by talking about how a baby would "ruin" their lives. No money, no time to hang with your friends, etc.
Jun 11, '13Quote from chrisrn24This. Telling some men the average cost of child support vs. a package of condoms could be a real eye-opener (and more scary for some guys vs. a possible STI).If I was a health educator I would promote condoms to men by talking about how a baby would "ruin" their lives. No money, no time to hang with your friends, etc.
Jun 11, '13I think empowering young girls to think enough of themselves to say NO! Teach young men that NO! isn't maybe or try harder. Teach them that oral sex IS sex and any sex must have a condom.
Teach girls that they have the power. They have what the guys want and no condom means no sex. I think teaching how to put on a condom needs to be taught (with parental permission) and that their cell phones can be used to call their parents or police.
Teach young girls that no is no....a condom is a must and casual sex is NOT the best choice but if they make that choice do it wisely.....or tell them you have a STD from the last jerk...wanna join?
Personally when I was in the dating scene.....I taught myself defensive tactics and a bought a stun gun.
Jun 11, '13Esme, I have considered pepper spray. That being said, I think the child support and maybe even the STI thing might work.
I just want to be prepared to give people other options rather than only "no condom, no sex".
Jun 11, '13Quote from AltraAnd personally, I wouldn't be the least bit interested in having anything to do with an idiot like that. Perhaps you can communicate that to the more recalcitrant ones. "Don't be stupid, everybody knows better than that!" can reach even the teeniest mind.I think you're missing the underlying total lack of concern present in a man's mind ... if the threat of pregnancy, fatherhood and/or sexually transmitted infections AND/OR the expressed desire of his female partner for him to wear a condom isn't enough to "convince" him ... no magic education from a nurse is going to change that.
Jun 11, '13It worries me that OP thinks that ordinary men are rapists. And that we can convince a rapist to wear a condom the same way we'd convince an ordinary man to wear one.
No means no. If a man doesn't understand that, he needs to be arrested for rape, not getting sex education.
Jun 11, '13I think the OP raised a great question which is being somewhat lost in the discussion.
I work in a community health center and spend half my life treating STDs. Getting men to use condoms is very, very difficult. Honestly I can't say that I have ever seen threats of disease or pregnancy make the slightest impact on a patient's judgement ( this population is relatively young and have normalized being both HIV and HepC positive in many cases). I talk to male patients about correct condom sizing - a fair number of men wear condoms that are actually too tight and thus uncomfortable. I review latex allergies which seem to be under-diagnosed. When appropriate I also review lube, position, etc - ANYTHING to encourage safe practice. And when all else fails, I order IM rocephin without lidocaine to treat the rampant gonorrhea. Sometimes pain is more memorable than reason.
Good question OP. Let me know if you have any brilliant solutions.
Jun 11, '13OMG, thank you so much coast!!!!!! I feel like I finally got a useful answer to my original question. I did not answer half the time because I did not want a reaction to me having sex with guys that I innocently went to their house or got their car. Every time I have ever had sex it was not planned at all and it was not like I knew that is what they were after. Most guys are bigger than me. Those two guys....did not talk to them again after. Neither one. I keep condoms in my car now.
I think there was even a comment about me thinking all guys were rapists. Not hardly. That is why I went to the one guy's house and got in the car with the other.
All I wanted were some ways to convince a guy to wear a condom both for me personally and to pass on if I ever get a public health nurse job. To me, it is not enough to just give someone condoms, teach them how to put it on, to use water based lubricant so you do not break the condom, etc. I think it is also important to teach the female or a male, in a same sex relationship, how to convince a guy to use what I am giving them
Jun 12, '13I was thinking that you could educate them on the consequences but as Coast stated, that doesn't generally do the trick. I think it has to do more with the presentation perhaps. As a public health nurse you have to know how to reach the people you work with. Figure out what motivates them, how cultural affects them, educational levels, demographics in general. You know the old adage that you can lead a horse to water but not make it drink, well that is how it goes with most things. You can educate your pants off (ok maybe not your pants off... ) but if the person is not receptive then they won't retain but perhaps a fraction of what you said. Just my two cents.
Jun 12, '13Apply it yourself during **** and make it fun (trying not to be too graphic here).
I appreciate the OP's honesty. So many opportunities for teaching are lost to embarrassment, denial, cultural norms, etc.
Jun 12, '13While I am comfortable talking about the need to educate our youth about safe sex and appropriate sexual behavior.....I think advice about out personal lives should best be left out of the thread.....as that borders into TOS/medical advice.Last edit by Esme12 on Jun 12, '13
Jun 12, '13Quote from wish_me_luckIt may not 'easy' but it's pretty simple: "It's not coming anywhere near me unless it's gloved."is that convincing a guy to wear a condom is not easy.
When I asked a public health nurse how to get guys to wear one, it was just tell them you won't have sex with them unless they do. I think sometimes that can be dangerous, especially if the guy is big and the girl is petite and can't fend him off.
The appropriate prevention is to avoid the situation in the first place, escape if at all possible, fight like a wolverine if need be, and hopefully end the threat forever by a .357 right between the eyes... (sorry, I'm a dude with a daughter and ZERO tolerance for sexual assault)
Is there anything else that a woman can tell a guy that he would willingly agree to wear a condom? It would be nice to have suggestions for women (or men) if I ever get a public health nurse job or any nursing job that a client may ask the same question that I asked.