What do you live for? - page 3
What makes you wake up again and again every day and keep on going? What do you live for, what gives your life meaning? When times are tough, what keeps you going on? Do you ever feel that there is... Read More
Oct 13, '05Thrashej,
I am still here pulling for you. I depression has affected me since I was 13-14.
5 things got me through last year. Prayer, My DF, My cat, my therapist, and WATP exercise DVD's.
I will keep praying for you so you will find just the right doctor and treatments.
Oct 21, '05Quote from thrashejI don't know if it's available in your area, but we have an organization here in IL called GROW. People w/mood disorders who provide support for each other. Ask your therapist, psychiatrist, local mental health center or local psych. hospital/rehab. or psych. unit in your local community hospital. Good luck and best wishes. There IS a brighter tomorrow!Mjlrn......
:chuckle Well, I live in Arizona, so SAD shouldn't be affecting me.:chuckle
Worth a try though, eh? Nah, more likely I am just one of those people that stays chronically depressed or, more possibly, I have yet to get adequate treatment.
I saw a therapist for a bit but really ended up wondering what in the heck she was doing for me. I would just meet with her and talk small talk really, but it was nothing like psychology (done that when I was a kid). I told my husband I may as well pay him 80 bucks to sit there and listen to me whine and say, "Ahhh, yes, and how did THAT make you feel?". Then, when I would respond, she didn't really have much to say. Either that or I already KNEW what she was saying. Seemed kinda dumb.
Any other support groups I can join in person to get some interaction with others that I feel are on the same plane?? Any ideas anyone???:uhoh21:
Oct 21, '05You may have to try a different antidepressant or maybe several before you find one that helps. Remember it can take 2-4 weeks before you feel the results and if anxiety is a problem you may have to temporarily take Ativan or Xanax unti the antidrpressant anxiety side effect wears off. I started on Zoloft 8 years ago (I'm still on it) when I started it made me feel as though I was jumping out of my skin. My shrink added Ativan which took care of the problem. I had been sleeping all day and feeling very hopeless and had to quit my job because I just couldn't cope with anything out of the ordinary. I have since tried several times going off of the Zoloft but within weeks the symptoms begin to reoccur to my shrink believe I should stay on antidepressants indefinately. I am very fine with that. If I compare my life on / off antidepressants, I just can't imagine going back to being to depressed. God Bless You. Take care.
Oct 21, '05I have a wonderful husband,13 yr old son,7 yr old daughter. FRIENDS too.
I consider myself very blessed. I have been through a LOT in my life... and I'm sure that there is more to go through. I now can say that because of all of these THINGS-I am stronger and wiser because of it. I have good days and bad days, just like everyone else. My goal everyday is to be good to whoever I am around. Most of all-I do SOMETHING fun EVERY SINGLE DAY. It may not be fun to you-but fun to me. LIVE_LOVE_LAUGH!!!!!
You only live once.
Make a list- pros and cons of your life right now. There is always a way to make it better. I am here for you.....
Oct 25, '05trashej,
There are many types of talk therapies, if you did not hit it off with the first therapist, try one who has a different style. But first get on an anti depressant. Chemistry is the easiest road to recovery from depression.
Another thought about counseling: I believe that in order to do insight oriented therapy the client must come to an understanding of where they really are in their journey through life and who they really are. This is the begining point. Inorder to get there I would encourage the client to talk about themselves. This harder than it sounds, most people want to talk about what others did to them, what happened to them, etc. If I can get them talking about what they did themselves that sometimes helps them understand why they did it. But learning, including learning insight into one's own character, is a quantum process. Which means it progresses in steps or jumps separated by plateaus where nothing seems to be happening. There is no way around this. It is the way humans are wired.
Many therapists will only go as deep as the client seems to want to go. So they will not lead you to "open up". The client has to take the lead.
Insight oriented therapy is by no means the only or even the best approach to dealing with depression. I think that, after chemestry and ECT, the most effective approach is behavioral. It does not matter so much what you think or feel but what you do. In this approach, routine is your friend. Get up every day at the same time. Always make your bed as soon as you get out of it. Go to work. Eat on time, whether you want to or not. Bathe. This is what is ment by the 12 step slogan, "Fake it till you make it."
Nov 2, '05I do know this feeling and I think mine started when my husband died 4 years ago. Every day I opened my eyes and the world was still wrong. And now that I am 60 thoughts of retirement and "What's the use of starting something new" keep popping in from time to time. But I have started new things, even though I am not sure where they are going.
And, as I tell the residents in the nursing home I work in. "Every moment you are alive, you are making a difference, to yourself and everyone you come in contact with."
You took the time to write here on this forum and you bet you have made a difference to almost everyone who read your message. Then they may have discussed in with someone else and so the ripple of your thought goes out... it's a bit mind boggling actually. Many are reviewing their lives and feeling grateful. Others are so relieved that someone else feels like them. Thank you for this.
But what helped me immensely was a statement given to me during a practise therapy session.
"Loneliness and grief [as well as other feelings] are just emotions. THEY WILL NOT KILL YOU." I was so terrified to feel lonely. I thought that would be just the end. So after that when I feel lonely, mad, sad etc. I remember that and just let myself feel it. I find that it just sort of goes away in about 2 hours.
I hope this was helpful. I was dwindling a bit myself today. Thank you for reminding me about it.
Nov 9, '05Anyway, thrashej, I understand how you're feeling. I am diagnosed as having major depression, PTSD, and generalized anxiety disorder. Sometimes I feel that I'm merely walking around, doing nothing more than needed. I have chronic pain, and sometimes when I'm lying in bed in pain, screaming and crying, I think how easy it would be just to end it now. But I think of my girls. Well, not really my girls. My nieces actually. Twin girls who are a year old. I set their picture so when I'm lying in bed it's a straight shot from my eyes to their pic. I think of how if I left, they wouldn't know their aunt who loves them sooooo much it's scary. Really, sometimes I think I worry more about them than their mother. I think about the future. I think of what I want to do when I'm through with school. I want to volunteer in a third world country, helping those so much less fortunate than I. I dream of travelling the world, seeing things out of the ordinary and doing things no one else would dare to. I want to skydive, I want to get my pilot's license. I want to climb Mt. Everest--well, I'll hike 1,000 ft. maybe.I live because I can dream, and I dream because I'm living.
Do you have any dreams, thrashej? What used to make you happy? What made you get out of bed in the morning? Is there anything specific that happened to you to make you depressed?
It occured to me not long ago, after hearing several nurses talking, that it seems that most of our profession is depressed or has anxiety disorders. Seriously, everybody I work for is either on anti-depressants, valium, or both. Most nurses are women (sorry guys, but it's true). Are we more depressed because we cannot shake what we see at work? Everyone knows that women can be emotional and guys know we never forget anything. I know that I take work home with me and I still fret over failed codes that happened a year ago. I still cry for the 24yo who died of bone cancer four years ago.
Sorry, I digressed. I think everyone here is pulling for you to get better. I pray that you find the right medication and therapist.
Something that always makes me smile: 1) my nieces--they never fail. Sometimes I think they even know when their aunt needs a laugh and they always deliver. 2) I sponsor a child in Kenya through Christian Children's Fund. Whenever I recieve a letter from him, he makes me smile. He has nothing but you would never know by his attitude. He recently bought a goat with his b-day money I sent him. He named the goat after me. Well, I cried at that one, but I also smiled.Last edit by bethin on Nov 11, '05
Nov 9, '05Bethin,
Thank you for your response. Yes, you seem to have many dreams. For me, there are none. I grew up simply wishing I would be safe at night due to various dysfunction. I guess because of that I did not develop the normal dreams or desires of childhood. Even now, there is nothing that I *really* want for myself.............ok, other than to pay off my cc's and have some sort of career for pete's sake.:chuckle But............that is all I aspire to. My biggest acheivement will likely be having my husbands child, if we decide to go that route, only because I view him as as close to perfect as a person can get and I would jump at the opportunity to bring another one of him into this world. Does that make sense? Not sure if I want kids though. Was never sure I wanted to be married. Was never sure which career I wanted to pursue or even what career is suited to me. Never really had any hobbies when I was young. I honestly feel like a half-person. I see others my age and the depth of who they are...their varied interests, successful careers, children.........and I wonder what exactly went wrong to make me a person of so little interest or depth. I wonder why the last two days have been an absolute struggle to even get out of bed, why I seem to need to sleep 12+ hours and STILL feel tired, why I have no desire to get out of my pajamas.I wonder if NS was completely the wrong choice for me and my body is trying to tell me something.:uhoh21: But if I don't do NS, where do I go from here?? Eeeny meeny miny mo????:stone I wonder why all of a sudden I feel like getting pregnant!!!!:chuckle ???? I am a total basket case! The absolute only thing I am sure of is my love for my husband, he is so wonderful, and without him...to be honest.......I don't know if I would be here still. He is everything I live for. I live to make him happy. I hope I can and don't let him down. I really don't deserve him and many days I can't help but feel he deserves much better than I. I wonder what he ever saw in me.
I don't know why this post turned into a vent-a-thon.:chuckle I need to get into a depression support group of some kind.......IN PERSON. I need to make friends. I try to. I meet people, they seem to like me, I extend the offer for a workout or something, and then it just never happens. I wonder why people don't want to make new friends?? Maybe I am just depressing??? I isolate big time but don't know how to change that and change my stinkin' thinkin'. Family brings me down, so I try not to "go there" too often. I just feel like there is no one that understands....
On THE positive note, I did get a job finally! Now atleast I don't have to feel like a bum. HA. I just hope it works out and it doesn't leave me feeling even more incompetent.....
Nov 9, '05Ok, what's this "WARN" thing at the bottom of my posts?? Have I been a bad girl???? :uhoh21:
Nov 10, '05Quote from thrashejWell, at least you don't have 'Warn 0%'. That's scary. It's like I've been given a warning. But for what?Ok, what's this "WARN" thing at the bottom of my posts?? Have I been a bad girl???? :uhoh21:
Anyway, there is something I wanted to tell you. I learned this in therapy, because like you it was hard for me to meet people, make new friends, etc. I would walk around with my head down to avoid eye contact. There were people who I worked with for three years before words were spoken between us. My therapist told me, at least once a day, pick your head up and say hello to someone. I think this will be helpful in your new job. I followed her advice and it worked. I said hello to a nurse that I had never spoken to before and within three weeks we knew each other so well. She's now my best friend and I would do anything for her. We knew each other for a few weeks when she mentioned she wanted to visit her fiance in South Korea(he's in the army) but she didn't want to go alone and nobody else would go with her. I jumped at the chance and we went. The best experience I've had in my life so far. See what happens when you pick your head up?
Your husband picked you also. He married you because he loves you and you make him happy. So stop that he could do better crap.
Take care, thrashej.
Nov 10, '05I live for my 84 year old mother. If I wasn't here my brother would put her in a nursing home. I live for my 2 cats. I wouldn't make it without my 2 cats. They bring so much joy into my life. I live because suicide is considered a sin in my religion. In my religion, suicide is the worst sin and when a person commits suicide they come back as a ghost and suffer great misery. I hope you will get some help with your depression. Good luck
Nov 10, '05Bethin..
I don't see "WARN" on your post. Mine also says "WARN 0%". Can you see that on mine?? LOL. Hey, maybe everybody has this.....
I get what you are saying about holding your head up. I have been doing this in the hospital since clinicals started and am finding success. I am usually pretty introverted but as a clinical student, you just have to "get out there" oftentimes, so I have been. I am exhausted by the time I get home from all the people contact, but I like it most days. It gets me out of my shell.
I am hoping this apathy will get better once I start back with work and a real schedule again. Like others have said, it is the routine that keeps you together. Right now, I really don't have any other than school.
Thank you for your support!