dating someone with schizophrenia

[dipsett08]

My boyfriend has schizophrenia. he was very open and honest with me from the first day of our relationship that he had it. i really had strong feelings for him regardless of it. i haven't seen him in very severe episodes but i have witnessed him talking to himself. he says very off the wall stuff to me and all i do is just listen. one day he asked me do i hear the voice that he hears. i told him no. it is very heartbreaking. there has been times that he end up in the hospital one day and the next day he'll come to me like nothing ever happen and we are happy again.

If he has a problem or wants someone to talk to, he'll immediately call me. he says i bring him some sort of comfort because i am sincere with this mental disease. he knows im going to nursing school and believes ill make a good nurse because im so good to him.

He lives by himself so every now and then i go over there to check on him to see if he takes his medicine.

I know if i committ myself to him, then i committ myself to his illness. even though he is dealing with something very serious, is it possible to have a normal and happy relationship with him?

[iwanna]

I have a brother with severe schizophrenia. He is low functioning and in a personal care home. Many times, he has been in denial and says that he is better and does not need to take meds. That was a big problem with him going off his meds and having psychotic breaks.

I would want to know more about his diagnosis. When did he get the diagnosis? I would believe that he must have had more than one episode to be diagnosed with shizophrenia.

You are only 20. What is it about him that you are attracted to? One thing that I would like to warn you about is that my brother was stalking a girl that he was obsessed with. He was delusional about their relationship. She merely was friendly to him. He never hurt her, but was very delusional about a relationship that never existed. He is over that now. It is really a sad situation. Currently, he is in a personal care home, and we are assured that he gets his meds, everyday.

OTOH, there are some high functioning schizophrenics. I believe the movie, "A Beautiful Mind" was a true story.

Please educate yourself on schizophrenia. And ask yourself the questions, if you are okay with dating someone with this illness. Also, I would discuss this with your mother, if you have a good relationship. If you were my daughter, I would want you to make a fully informed decision. The fact that you are even asking shows that you have some reservations and are looking for some validation.

Wishing you the best.

[E I Adeosun]

Hi i really felt for you . As far as the guy is taking his drugs , i dont see much problem . The man should be encouraged and you should stay with him.

[Jonathank]

It strikes me as telling that 3+ years later, the OP hasn't given a "rest of the story." If there had been a happy ending, I'm guessing we would have heard back. The thread got bumped recently by someone in the same dilemma, and people are replying to the OP who hasn't posted in the thread for some time (I'm not complaining- I've inadvertently done it too in other threads). But: 20/20 hindsight would seem to be in favor of those who were urging the OP to be cautious, and the more recent poster would be wise to take that into consideration.

[ImThatGuy, BSN, RN]

I dated a girl with schizophrenia for a few months. I didn't know it until after a month or so when I found her pill bottle one day. For a while I started hiding weapons in my house thinking she'd try to kill me in my sleep or shower, but then I thought since she hasn't why would she now, lol. We eventually broke up because we had nothing in common.

ETA: I was hiding them from her so she wouldn't use them on me, lol. I wasn't secreting them away for self-defense actions.

[canadiangurl]

Hi there,

I am a fairly new user to this site but work in Canada on a forensic mental health unit and feel I may have some useful input.

I agree with the statements that there is a spectrum of symptoms/illness profile for people that have been diagnosed with any mental illness, including schizophrenia, but I would also like to add that it is a lifelong illness. It is unfortunate that he believes he is "cured" because he is likely in remission and would more than likely decompensate quickly, becoming very sick again, if he went off his medication.

One important question no one has asked yet is what type of schizophrenia is he diagnosed with? People suffering with Paranoid Schizophrenia tend to be more likely to either harm themselves or others due to the voices they hear. I would look up his type of Schizophrenia and go from there. No one can tell you what to do but tread carefully, this disease is progressive and tends to get worse and not better with time.

Also, if you do happen to decide to be in a relationship with him, please try to help him to stay on his medications with encouragment and support. We see so many people in our facility that come back after thinking they are "better" or "cured" and go off their meds. The going on and off of the medications often leads to them taking longer to work, not working as well, or not working at all.

I don't want to give you worst case scenerios to scare you, but in my facility we do have patients who are here for murder, assault, rape, as well as less severe charges of mischief or disturbing the peace. I'll leave you with this;

Not every person with a mental illness will be violent or break the law while having an acute episode, but there is absolutely no way to predict what MAY happen. If you want the assurance of knowing yourself and your loved ones are safe and will not be put through undue hardship, than I would recommend not engaging in a relationship with someone with a lifelong illness.

I am saying this not only as a nurse but also a family member of a person who has suffered from Bi-Polar disorder for 20+ years.

[somegirl43]

I felt the need to comment because I too am dating a schizophrenic and when I researched this topic before I took the plunge there was a great deal of negative information on the web. We have been dating for only 3 months and in that time he has had 3 times when he conveyed to me that he was hearing things and being watched. It is unusual and a little stressful to see him agitated like this but 99% of the time he is the best, most loving, gentle, super intelligent man. I don't know why people act as though people with a mental illness are just completely useless. No relationship is perfect and no individual is perfect. The only way to have a happy, healthy relationship is to be supportive and understanding towards each other and if you've found that then you have something worth keeping.

I wouldn't trade my BF for the world. Hope this helps.

[HeatherPsychRN]

I would say to have a good relationship, you don't have to be 2 perfect people, but 2 people perfect for each other. You said you were going to be a nurse, so he gets that compassion from you, but what do you get from him? If you get as much as you give, I would go for it. I would take it slow, just to see how life goes and make sure you are right for each other...

[Yosemite, RN, ASN, EMT-I]

Again, the REAL question is not "why should I NOT date him," but "why SHOULD I date him?" Statistics tell us he WILL stop taking his medication, statistics tell us he WILL believe he no longer needs medication. You REALLY need to examine your rationale for putting yourself through this.

[seizetheday]

It has taken decades even begin to understand the course of schizophrenia and there is now a much better undersntadin than there was even 10 years ago about the illness. Some people do decompensate and have severe impairment but there is another group that does really, really well all the way through life. And other fall somewhere in between. A lot of research now is looking at those who do have really good outcomes to understand who they are and how we can move more people onto that pathway. We know that early intervention makes a big difference, as does a strong circle of support and lower severity of symptoms at the time of diagnosis (So catch it early!). The early intervention where I work (while not climbing 'cured') has many young adults on its case roll who are considered to be in remission - 5 years with no acute crisis or loss of daily functioning. these young people live very full lives - with relationships, community involvement and educational and employment attainment. Another factor in a good outcome is a positive subjective wellbeing and not being focused on having schizophrenia. That doesn't mean denial that you have it just meh, so what, I have it, I treat it. i am not defined by my illness attitude.

Most nurses tend to see the most acutely ill patients. Just like you rarely see the diabetic patient who eats right, is active and manages their blood sugar, you also rarely see the schizophrenic patient who had early intervention, takes her meds and lives a healthy lifestyle. We see in all areas of health and illness the sickest patients, the non compliant patients, the patients with the most stressors and fewest supports, those with mountains to climb to be successful at treatment management. Schizophrenic patients who are med compliant typically only spend briefs periods in hospital to manage medication adjustments or brief crisis stabilization and some have never been admitted in their lives.

Many illnesses have genetic components, many can have crisis but don't forget there are many, many people with schizophrenia that you are encountering in life every day that you have no idea and would never guess deal with schizophrenia. When I teach nursing I bring in a group of very high functioing adults with schizophrenia ranging from their 20's to their 60's who tell their stories of having schizophrenia but also share all their life accomplishments and their current lives (i.e. professionals, grad students, parent and chair of PTA). the students are blown away...but that's not what schizophrenia is?!! Shouldn't they be homeless or look disheveled or have addictions or act strange??

Hopefully as research refines even more, we will see more and more people on the great outcomes pathway and fewer and fewer perceptions that schizophrenia is a chronic, severe, life-impairing illness.

No matter what the situation or illness is if you are considering dating someone a chronic illness, be is schizophrenia or diabetes, education yourself so you can make an informed decision. Denial or non compliance are a no go for me as is severe chronic symptoms - regardless of the diagnosis.

[aloevera]

Please take some advice from someone old enough to be your mother, and then some........

You are so young.....concentrate on your career and become a great nurse. You have plenty of time for relationships later on. Your schooling will take up much of your time/concentration. You cannot deal with a relationship now with someone who has a mental illness. You will learn much about schizophrenia in your courses. If you are the compassionate person you seems to be, use it to care for your patients. Then come home to reality.

I work mental health. If I had to deal with it at home, too, it would overwhelm me.

Good Luck and hope all these posts help you.

[IdrilRN, BSN, RN]

My aunt was married to my uncle who had schizophrenia for 35 years. She made sure he took his medications. He was always open to her and his family about his illness, he also helped a lot of people with mental illness, and he had good insight.

He once told me, if I catch him staring at me he is trying to communicate to me in ESP, so I must tell him I don't understand ESP and to please use his voice.

I also trying that with a woman who I took care of, and informed me that everyone needs to understand it so they know what she is talking about.

There will probably be many ups and downs, but what relationship doesn't.

[ohhappyday59]

Hey- what is a schizophrenic supposed to do? We have feelings too and are people too- people seem to treat us like we are inhuman when they find out someone has it... guess what? maybe that's why we don't tell anyone we have it- suddenly they treat us different- like they are better than us. Guess what? It doesn't come out until one is a teenager or young adult- up till then we are just like everyone else, so we and our family don't get much time to prepare for this disease... and then people feel like they are entitled to make judgements about us and lump us all into one big pile... like we are all the same- I have heard many people think we have mutliple personalities, or need to stay medicated or locked up or else we will become violent... basically they run if they learn you have schizophrenia... it's especially sad for males as males are usually kind of passive and less aggressive.. and a lot of women take advantage of passive males.