Some days are harder than others (vent)

Specialties Private Duty

Published

Today was one of those days. I am pretty good at dealing with difficult people, usually. I have gotten really good at reminding myself that it's not personal. I have a difficult caregiver to work with. But, today I could feel myself getting sick as the day went on. Not nerves, just good old fashioned sick. I have two of my own kids at home running fevers. So, my nerves are little frayed, but I just about blew it when I talk about issues concerning the pt. and caregiver doesn't even acknowledge I blew air out of my mouth. I just can't take it anymore. Either tell me straight out you have some social disorder, or Asperger's, whatever! But, when I talk to you a simple, "Um hm" will suffice. Never mind that you never say thank you, excuse me, please, or good morning. I am almost ready to ask for another case because it's so difficult to work this one. I could say so much more, but then I'd be giving too many details.

AAAAAh, AAAAAH, AAAAAAARRRRGH!!!

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Specializes in Gerontology RN-BC and FNP MSN student.

(((Hugs)))?

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Specializes in Pediatric Private Duty; Camp Nursing.

Please clarify: did you actually say all this to the caregiver, or are you just venting your thoughts here? Because even though it would take nerves of steel to say all that, I think it would be a great wake-up call for this person.

I have a difficult caregiver of a client also, she never says please, thank you, even hello when she lets me in. She is very cranky a lot of the time and has had run-ins in the past with the clinical manager and another nurse, but never me personally. One night a few weeks ago, this person was venting her anger and frustration that one of her nurses dropped two regular nights without notice and how she can't get people to stay. i got brave and said flat out, "I can't speak for anyone else, but when I'm here, I feel like you're chronically angry with me." I said some more specific stuff, but that was the gist of it. She immediately changed her stance, and gave a billion reasons why her life is hard and that she is sorry if she made me feel uncomfortable at all, and appreciated all that I do for her child. I was floored! We had a really good talk about how we're all on the same team and have the same goals, and we all love and care about her child. In the morning, she thanked me and wished me a good day. This was a FIRST for her after working for 14 months with the child. Boy, did she get lucky: I was going to quit the case at the end of the month. Now I'm staying.

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I stay quite neutral when I am there. When she doesn't answer me about care issues regarding patient, I must get clarification that she heard me for documentation purposes. So, in that case I have to ask flat out "did you hear what I said?" I have noticed a lot of the original RNs (I am one of the originally assigned RNs) have gone. Even the interaction between her and the patient is "off". Not as animated as you usually see between parent to baby. I am glad it worked out for you CloudySue. I am not sure that would work in this case. It's too much of a control issue. It's not about safety or care, it's about I am the mom and I am right. If I do something ABC and the result is abc, she will insist I do it abc to get ABC. Maybe when I am not sick and I can put my nurse's brain back in, I will be more objective and figure out a way to tactfully address this. Ironically, I think I am one of the nurses she "likes". I just hate feeling like I am holding my breath the whole shift. You said it perfectly, "like she's chronically angry".

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I tend to be quite blunt with parents when they act unreasonable. They either hate me for it or respect me...either way, the situation gets better for me. I'm not one to just bite my tongue and stew about it.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

CloudySue-

You handled your case perfectly! I'm fortunate in that I only work one case (I have another job in a PICU) and they seriously could be MY family for as well as we get on.

I think on many cases, if someone had 'the talk' with families early on in their PDN experience, a lot of the threads in this area would not exist.

On the other hand, some families just are the way they are and Mary Poppins couldn't change them.

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Well, it fixed itself. I am off the case. I can't say that I am unhappy. I was being asked to do something that was not correct in my professional opinion. I documented my reasoning. I will just say there was too great a chance for interaction of meds or meds with formula. So, she doesn't want me to come back. I can exhale and I am fine with that. The agency said I did nothing wrong and almost all of the RNs on the case have requested off or have been taken off and not to worry. The only thing I will miss is the drop in my paycheck for the time being. I know that my process was correct. I don't do the passive/aggressive thing; I cannot stand it myself. I am direct person, but I am not confrontational.

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Well, it fixed itself. I am off the case. I can't say that I am unhappy. I was being asked to do something that was not correct in my professional opinion. I documented my reasoning. I will just say there was too great a chance for interaction of meds or meds with formula. So, she doesn't want me to come back. I can exhale and I am fine with that. The agency said I did nothing wrong and almost all of the RNs on the case have requested off or have been taken off and not to worry. The only thing I will miss is the drop in my paycheck for the time being.

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There would probably be a lot more direct action on the part of nurses if they knew their agency supervisors would back them up and not spend so much effort bending over backward to appease the clients, especially when they are dead wrong. I had this talk with one of my agencies one time. They backpeddled, hemmed and hawwed. But am I surprised that I no longer work for them at all? No. Secretly, I'm glad. Facilitating child abuse is not supposed to be part of the job.

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Caliotter3, yeah, I feel kind of cheated, but on the whole what do I really expect? If you go through the chart and look at all the I&O's for my shifts, they are no higher or lower than any other RN on the case. Meaning, yeah, I didn't follow parents exact process, but I didn't break their imperative either. The agency could have sent someone to explain that, but in reality the mother has already made up her mind. She took this to a confrontational level and I don't even feel safe going back there. I am proud that I remembered my training, diffused the situation enough to get to end of shift. There was a moment that I had to make sure I had easy egress to the door, she was a little weird. The agency acted as I expected for a business, the sad thing is that woman has been talking about dropping them (agency) from the beginning. She doesn't want day RN's really. But, she can't admit it or she'll lose some benefits. Whatever. Moving onward and upward. The pt. was a sweety pie and I hope for the best.

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Specializes in LTC, Memory loss, PDN.
There would probably be a lot more direct action on the part of nurses if they knew their agency supervisors would back them up and not spend so much effort bending over backward to appease the clients, especially when they are dead wrong. I had this talk with one of my agencies one time. They backpeddled, hemmed and hawwed. But am I surprised that I no longer work for them at all? No. Secretly, I'm glad. Facilitating child abuse is not supposed to be part of the job.

apparently you haven't had as proper training as i have had :)

a couple of years ago, when i had a situation with a parent

i called my supervisor and was instructed to, "just tell them you're there to make them happy"

insert error buzzer

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