Ped client with a difficult mom! HELP!!

  1. 1
    Please everybody, I need to vent. Bear with me & help me please, lol...

    Ok, I have been working with a child on a trach & vent for 2 months now. The mom works from home-unfortunately. Before I came along, she had 4 other nurses out there that she sent away because according to her, they were incompetent.

    Right away, I could tell that the other nurses weren't the problem, it was her!! She claims that she likes me & that I take good care of her child, but she just started letting me give them a bath last month (I was a CNA for 6 years, think I know how to give a good bed bath). She won't let me do trach care, she insists on doing it not being clean or sterile with it at all, then complains when the child has an infection around the trach. Gee I wonder why??

    She's extremely rude to me & to everyone but then wants to complain to me that she has no friends, no support & she's so burnt out. Complains she cant sleep at night because the noc nurses keep up so much noise.

    I just recently switched from days to nocs. The first noc, I changed the child a couple of times & repositioned. When I was leaving in the morning, she didn't believe that I had changed the child because she didn't hear me in the room with the child (she has her bed in the child's room). I told her I intentionally kept quiet so I wouldn't wake her up. (Even though I can't stand her, I still try to be nice & caring). She kept asking me if I was sure I had changed them or not!!

    Another reason why I think she doesn't care for me anymore is because I don't come to her house to hang out with her on my days off, I haven't gone hiking with her...she doesn't understand that I'm there to take care of her child, not be her friend.

    I've been complaining to get out of there the first week I started and the company wouldnt let me! If I'm not happy with the client or their family & at times feel almost scared to ask a question because she's gonna snap, shouldn't they move me around?

    Also, when it comes to the childs meds, the mom changes things & move them around because she thinks she knows everything. I try explaining to her, I have to follow the MAR. If you want to give this & give that then you have to do it yourself.

    Aahhh!! Sorry, but it feels so good to vent to fellow professionals. Maybe someone can give me some advice on how to handle her?

    The next step? I will have to quit!
    Last edit by VickyRN on Nov 18, '13 : Reason: formatting
    Jessy_RN likes this.
  2. Get our hottest nursing topics delivered to your inbox.

  3. 37 Comments so far...

  4. 2
    If the agency won't switch you I would look for another agency or another job.

    I've never worked a case where the caregiver SLEPT in the same room as the patient. She seems super overbearing. If you can't talk to her as a nurse-to-patient and explain to her what needs to be done then just stick it out until you can get another case with a different company. She has got to understand that there are boundaries & you are NOT there to be her friend. It doesn't matter what the "other" nurse did. You are not the "other" nurse. If the agency won't have you back & talk to her either then run!
    NyteshiftLVN and poppycat like this.
  5. 6
    How long has this child had a trach/vent? How old is the child? I would seriously consider the circumstances of the child's situation and her home situation. Loneliness, having a child on life support that requires 24/7 care, working from, no family support, social isolation can lead up to hard core depression. Controlling the nurses is probably the only thing that she feels that she CAN control in her life. I don't get the sharing a room thing unless she frequently doesn't have night nursing. If that was my set-up, though, I'd sleep on the couch when I did have nursing. Are you near a children's hospital? Can you find a local support group for MFTD or SN children? Maybe contact the hospital social worker for other ideas. Also, whatever diagnosis this child has probably also has a support group in person, on-line or on Facebook. There is a closed group on FB called Tracheostomy that can provide her some emotional and "how to deal with nurses" support. That being said, I can't condone treating a nurse like garbage just because your life is a bit unpleasant.
    Last edit by DidiRN on Oct 17, '13
    emmylue72, poppycat, Texan56, and 3 others like this.
  6. 0
    I would not put up with that. You should start looking for a private duty agency that supports what you want as well and not just what the family wants. Once that mother realizes that the nurses don't want to deal with her extreme behavior, she will change for the better.
  7. 0
    She is extremely overbearing. The whole incident with her child happened in Jan. The reason why I've stayed as long as I have is because I tried looking at it from her point of view. I understand the fact that she's lonely, depressed, she feels that it might be her fault, but I'm only here to help her and her child & she has pushed me away. If she wasn't such a...then she wouldnt be lonely, she'd have friends & a support system. She could've have a pretty good nurse still (me) for awhile helping to relieve stress for her, but I'm done so done. The agency, I think, is afraid of her because of her job (I wont say what it is) but I feel like I'm being abused and used! Like they only are keeping me there because no other nurse will stand for it & me, loving what I do, having a big heart, just takes it. I seriously considered pulling a no call, no show on this case. That's terrible but I feel like I have no choice...
    Thanks for the responses guys. Its nice to hear other nurse's opinions. Im really trying to stick this out until they find someone to replace me:'(
  8. 1
    Quote from ventmommy
    How long has this child had a trach/vent? How old is the child?

    I would seriously consider the circumstances of the child's situation and her home situation. Loneliness, having a child on life support that requires 24/7 care, working from, no family support, social isolation can lead up to hard core depression.

    Controlling the nurses is probably the only thing that she feels that she CAN control in her life.

    I don't get the sharing a room thing unless she frequently doesn't have night nursing. If that was my set-up, though, I'd sleep on the couch when I did have nursing.

    Are you near a children's hospital? Can you find a local support group for MFTD or SN children? Maybe contact the hospital social worker for other ideas.

    Also, whatever diagnosis this child has probably also has a support group in person, on-line or on Facebook.

    Hopefully, the ADMIN won't remove my post for posting this part but there is a closed group on FB called Tracheostomy that can provide her some emotional and "how to deal with nurses" support.

    That being said, I can't condone treating a nurse like garbage just because your life is a bit unpleasant.

    I offered to find her some support groups & she refused. She thinks she doesnt need that. Her child is a teenager, her only child. So, like I said, I understand her situation & I want & have tried to help her out, but I dont deserve to be treated like crap & talked down to like im a nobody. And also, another thing, she draws up the medication for me to give, like I'm incapable of doing it. I explained to her that I can't give anything that I didn't personally draw up & she throws a fit! *smh*
    NurseDirtyBird likes this.
  9. 0
    Ugh sounds terrible.

    Child social services told my cousin that she could not share a bedroom with her child over the age of 4 I think. I wonder if special needs kids are an exception?
  10. 0
    On my phone so I can't post the link to the OPs last post. Its under home health. There is more to this story. 3 agencies in 6.5 months....


    Ventmommy, check out the other post and maybe that will help.

    I posted my thoughts there.

    I will add that I have always been able to change cases if one has been available with any agency I've worked for. We all deal with nutty parents in this job. This is a good place to vent for that. I've run into many parents that do things incorrectly and insist on being the only ones to do it. Sometimes its because the parent feels the nurse doesn't have experience and other times its the parent controlling the only thing they can control in their lives. Being new to an agency means taking the bad cases first because that is what is open. The agency knows you are on your third job in 6.5 months and they will use that to their advantage. Good cases eventually open up, but its politics that usually pick the next nurse for those cases. It takes two and it doesn't mean you did anything wrong, but your personality could clash with the mom/family. Its nothing personal. Its part of the business and happens all the time. Your personality and nursing style may be a better fit somewhere else. Or PDN may not be the best job fit.

    I personally wouldn't have a nurse with less than a year of experience taking care of my family in a home environment. Especially trach/vent. Infants/children are different from adults and things can happen fast. Maybe that is what the mom is concerned about. Or maybe she had a bad experience with another new nurse.

    Good luck. I'd still suggest getting experience in a facility where you can learn from other nurses and have a safety net. It will also give you back-up when dealing with difficult families.
  11. 0
    Quote from SDALPN
    On my phone so I can't post the link to the OPs last post. Its under home health. There is more to this story. 3 agencies in 6.5 months....

    Ventmommy, check out the other post and maybe that will help.

    I posted my thoughts there.

    I will add that I have always been able to change cases if one has been available with any agency I've worked for. We all deal with nutty parents in this job. This is a good place to vent for that. I've run into many parents that do things incorrectly and insist on being the only ones to do it. Sometimes its because the parent feels the nurse doesn't have experience and other times its the parent controlling the only thing they can control in their lives. Being new to an agency means taking the bad cases first because that is what is open. The agency knows you are on your third job in 6.5 months and they will use that to their advantage. Good cases eventually open up, but its politics that usually pick the next nurse for those cases. It takes two and it doesn't mean you did anything wrong, but your personality could clash with the mom/family. Its nothing personal. Its part of the business and happens all the time. Your personality and nursing style may be a better fit somewhere else. Or PDN may not be the best job fit.

    I personally wouldn't have a nurse with less than a year of experience taking care of my family in a home environment. Especially trach/vent. Infants/children are different from adults and things can happen fast. Maybe that is what the mom is concerned about. Or maybe she had a bad experience with another nehipw nurse.

    Good luck. I'd still suggest getting experience in a facility where you can learn from other nurses and have a safety net. It will also give you back-up when dealing with difficult families.
    Ok, I've said this before: I may be newly licensed, but I have worked with my grandmother who was on a vent/trach for 2 years!! Me being a new nurse is NOT the problem with the mom!! Out of the other 4 nurses who went out to the case before I dis, they all have been nurses long before me. So my education & experience is NOT an issue here. Also the reason why I have been with 3 agencies is NOT a factor here, but seeing how u mentioned it, the 1st agency (vent/trach) I do PRN work for still. Only reason I left full-time is because I couldnt get the schedule I wanted. The second agency is where I met the current case I'm on now. SHE was not happy with the agency so SHE asked me to go with her to another agency. So there ya go.
  12. 1
    Adults and peds are very different as far as experience.
    poppycat likes this.


Top