What gives with the unsupportive spouses? - Page 4Register Today!
- Apr 1, '12 by dragonfly414How true skylark! Kids are very able to adapt, and they do recognize a parents efforts. They might not understand enough of the details of adult life to fully appreciate your sacrifice when they are little, but I assure you as an adult daughter of a nurse I look back and feel extremely thankful for everything my Mom did.
- Apr 1, '12 by kidsTime and experience has taught me that if one spouse is complaining about the other being "unsupportive" (about anything) there is usually a lot more to the story.
People in a relationship don't exist in a vacuum.
Whatever the issue, if it is going to impact your family or partner an agreement needs to be reached, together, ahead of time.
Would you finance a car, plan a pregnancy or quit your job without your partner's input and (hopefully) agreement? Or do you expect blind support and an eagerness to pick up your slack or pay your debts?
If you're going to transfer a share of your burden, be it financial, time, housework, etc, if you expect your partner's support, they need to be on-board with the decision.
My cousin 'Linda' is a good example of not being privy to the details of an "unsupportive" spouse.
Linda's (current) *dream* is to be a special education teacher. Her "unsupportive" husband has insisted she work to pay for childcare and school, refuses to help out more around the house, refuses to pay for any of her school expenses to the point he's cut off access from their 'joint' credit cards. Her threads about these issues on the 'mommy boards' are filled with "you go grrl!" responses telling her that he's being abusive and she should just leave his controlling ***.
What none of her supporters know is that Linda's husband works 60 hours a week to support their family and pay off the of thousands of dollars in student and other loans that paid for Linda's ever changing *dreams* (she's up to THREE unfinished, unrelated degrees and 2 failed businesses). Linda's "unsupportive" husband works in IT doing the work of an engineer without the title and pay. He's darn good at what he does and their income could easily double if he went back to school to finish his degree. But he can't because Linda has placed her dreams ahead of her entire family.
- Apr 1, '12 by On3_Tru3_Lov3Quote from KnitAndPurlI'm Leaving school to get into a nursing program also. Do what you feel is best.I am going through this right now. I am a student at Excelsior in a joint program of a BS in Healthcare Management with a dual MBA. My husband thinks this is the way to go. I am currently waiting to hear this fall if I was accepted into my local college's nursing program. He has made it loud and clear that I am crazy to leave school and become a nurse. I understand his reasoning that he has given and I have a lot of respect for him. Thankfully I still have some time to think about it and there is no point getting too worked up until I even see if I get in.
- Apr 1, '12 by KnitAndPurlQuote from On3_Tru3_Lov3I have the feeling that is what I will be doing also. It is hard to explain, but there is this feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me nursing school is the way to go. I just cannot shake it. Good luck to you!I'm Leaving school to get into a nursing program also. Do what you feel is best.
- Apr 1, '12 by mindlorPeople change and grow or they dont. Just because a spouse does not get on board with a change that the other wants to make does not mean they are being unsupportive, it means they are not willing to ammend the implied contract.
That spouse that their life would be a certain way and now it is not going to be that way. Soo many times the relationship will need to end so that BOTH people can be happy. Life is short and the goal of life should be to be happy.
I think it is unfair to harshly judge the spouse that may not be down with the change.......
- Apr 2, '12 by dragonfly414Nursing school is temporary. It is not a permanent change. I do not see any implied contract in marriage that says someone can't enter college just because they were not in college at the time of the marriage. In fact, I would argue that if there is an implied contract to marriage and parenthood, it is that you promise to do your very best to love, support, and provide for your family to the best of your ability under all circumstances. Giving up on an education you desperately want is not doing your spouse or your family any service. The only thing it will achieve is regret, unhappiness, and most likely resentment.
My feelings about others are based upon how they treat people. If someone walks this earth consistently mistreating people, you can bet your bottom I'll judge them all day. I believe the vast majority of people do the same or something similar. There are always exceptions, like kids cousin who sounds like a very misguided woman who should probably consider the needs of her family more. I'm not saying there are not exceptions, but I think those kind of stories about unsupportive spouses like 'Linda's' are the minority not the majority of student spouses.
We all have our opinions and our judgements, it is a matter of whether or not we are bold enough to express them or feel it appropriate to express them. It is not a matter of whether or not such judgements exist. What do we have if we don't have each other? If we can't put our best foot forward to treat the people in our lives with respect how can we expect anyone to respect us?
Marriage and parenthood do not solely define an individual. Surely, many of us wear many different hats not just the Wife or Mom/Dad hat. If someone's spouse doesn't respect their partners desire to be an individual outside of the marriage, I find it difficult to respect them. At the same time if someone compromises the well being or finances of their family in the process of chasing the chosen career of the month, I can't hold much respect them either.
I'm not irrational. I can clearly understand 'there are always two sides to every story" and sometimes the student may be a high maintenance selfish pain in the rear who expects far too much of their spouse, but do you honestly think the majority of people who feel their spouse is unsupportive are completely off base in expressing their frustration? I could be wrong, but my gut tells me that is not the case. A few invalid student perspectives does not negate the reality in which many spouses are un-supportive for completely selfish reasons.
- Apr 2, '12 by mindlorA few invalid student perspectives does not negate the reality in which many spouses are un-supportive for completely selfish reasons.[/QUOTE]
The above statement pretty much tells me all I need to know about you. Any opinion that does not track with your opinion is summarily judged as being invalid?
If you already have all the answers then why come here? Were you simply looking for others to justify your stance?
You should follow you heart and you should do whatever is required for you to be happy. This may result in the end of your relationship. t may hurt others. But, that is how life is sometimes. People change. This foes not make you a bad person nor does it make your spouse a bad person. It simply is what it is.....
That said, I wish you well in your endeavors.
- Apr 2, '12 by purplcavQuote from dragonfly414Funny you mention this. I was in Microbiology last week and some older lady (who complains about EVERYTHING ) mentioned that her husband was not on board with her doing the nursing program. She said she works 60 hours a week and goes to school (good luck with that and nursing). I was appauled that she said that. I could not imagine going to school without my husband's support! My hub is my biggest cheerleader and my biggest fan. He supports me so I dont have to work, I go to school and take care of the house, laundry, cleaning, yard work and my teenage daughter. Granted, he is a professional but I could not imagine a life with a hub that didnt support my choices. :kiss I feel bad for the women that dont have their husband's support! Kick them to the curb!ok... I'm relatively new to this, ...
So here is my advice. Don't take that crap! !
- Apr 2, '12 by on eagles wingsSometimes though I have to agree with the unsupportive spouse. I have read stories of ladies with 3 babies beneath the ages of 5 and the husband has FT job and makes ok money, and simply wants the wife to wait for the kids to be older etc. Sometimes the spouse's objections are legitimate. I firmly believe that when you marry, you gotta make choices together, not on your own because you're "independent". If you're married with kids, you really aren't. The man depends on the woman just as much.
btw please don't flame me *sigh*
- Apr 2, '12 by Ready-Set-GoI just started school this spring and have to months left to finish this semester, but my spouse JUST lost his job 3 weeks ao. we have a 3 year old and $0 in the account now EDD is taking a longer than we expected. I work retail only a couple days a week so the $ i bring home is basically nothing. Im so afraid whats going to happen. He's been supportive about me going to school but now since he has no job. Ive been feeling so guitly of not working more. but with 3 classes studying takes up alot of time. I wish i knew what to do.