Patient Familes are ANNOYING!

Devon Rex, ADN, BSN · Jan 6, 2013

Hello,

Many patients and/or family members can be very difficult to work with. However, we as nurses need to learn to adjust to each family situation. You can wish them away, but the fact is they will not go away. Thus, the only option is to engage them and make them part of the process as much and pertinent as possible.

One skill you will learn in nursing school is therapeutic communication. This will apply not only to the nurse/patient relationship, but with everyone around you.

Her daughter is obvisouly concerned about the care (or perceived lack of care) of her mother. Perhaps she is upset because things are not being done the way she is used to or taught (who knows how many years ago?!). Either way, she has the right to be there as long as her mother allows it.

My advise:

* Ask the patient if she gives you permission to talk to her daughter about her medical situation.

* Then speak with her daughter about the situation and what is being done to care for her mother. Ask her what else you can do to ensure proper care of her mother. Let her express her concerns and tell her you will be passing on the information to the nurse.

Many times, when the family member is included in the care process, they feel more comfortable and next time will be more kind to you and others. If you open a line of communication with respect, honesty, and consistency... they will react accordingly.

Nurses make one of the worst patients and family members because they are set in their ways and want to see things done their way. She will need to learn to adjust, but she wont do it until she knows what is going on and that she took part of the process.

In that conversation, both of you will hopefully discover the source of misunderstandings and frustrations. Then you can work on a solution.

As professionals, we must learn to handle these situations and do our best to make it work. Always remember the patient is her mother and she needs to know you have her best interest in your heart and that she can trust you as part of the team.

It is NOT easy, but that is a skill we MUST develop. A disease affects the entire family and people react in different ways.

You said you all you want is some experience for nursing school... well... here it is! Nursing is not all nice and dandy. I challenge you to make it your goal to get to this woman's heart and turn her around about her attitude (or perceived attitude). Granted, you can't win them all, but we must make everything in our power to give our best care without giving up.

Good luck !

COMPLEXBeautyy · Jan 6, 2013

Hello,
Many patients and/or family members can be very difficult to work with. However, we as nurses need to learn to adjust to each family situation. You can wish them away, but the fact is they will not go away. Thus, the only option is to engage them and make them part of the process as much and pertinent as possible.
One skill you will learn in nursing school is therapeutic communication. This will apply not only to the nurse/patient relationship, but with everyone around you.
Her daughter is obvisouly concerned about the care (or perceived lack of care) of her mother. Perhaps she is upset because things are not being done the way she is used to or taught (who knows how many years ago?!). Either way, she has the right to be there as long as her mother allows it.
My advise:
* Ask the patient if she gives you permission to talk to her daughter about her medical situation.
* Then speak with her daughter about the situation and what is being done to care for her mother. Ask her what else you can do to ensure proper care of her mother. Let her express her concerns and tell her you will be passing on the information to the nurse.
Many times, when the family member is included in the care process, they feel more comfortable and next time will be more kind to you and others. If you open a line of communication with respect, honesty, and consistency... they will react accordingly.
Nurses make one of the worst patients and family members because they are set in their ways and want to see things done their way. She will need to learn to adjust, but she wont do it until she knows what is going on and that she took part of the process.
In that conversation, both of you will hopefully discover the source of misunderstandings and frustrations. Then you can work on a solution.
As professionals, we must learn to handle these situations and do our best to make it work. Always remember the patient is her mother and she needs to know you have her best interest in your heart and that she can trust you as part of the team.
It is NOT easy, but that is a skill we MUST develop. A disease affects the entire family and people react in different ways.
You said you all you want is some experience for nursing school... well... here it is! Nursing is not all nice and dandy. I challenge you to make it your goal to get to this woman's heart and turn her around about her attitude (or perceived attitude). Granted, you can't win them all, but we must make everything in our power to give our best care without giving up.
Good luck !

She doesn't complain about the care... She complains about the house being cleaned. I am not a MAID.

Devon Rex, ADN, BSN · Jan 6, 2013

Oh! You are certainly not a maid. She needs to be reminded what your duties are. Is there a brochure from your agency showing the services you provide? Perhaps your manager should intervene?? I was under the impression the patient was in a hospital or nursing home.

Yikes! I feel for you.

princesax11 · Jan 6, 2013

Do you have any down time when she's sleeping or does she need constant care? I can see where your coming from if she needs constant care, but honestly you need a bit of an attitude adjustment. When you do become a nurse you just need to let things roll of your back and this is one of them. Yes, this is America, but she is an immigrant and still connects closely to Russia. My boyfriend is from Guatemala and everyone in his family tell me about Guatemala all the time. Like your patient, it is a big part of their identity and they are proud. I saw you were a HHA from some of your other posts. My aunt has a HHA and when she is sleeping she will help out and do a load of laundry or a little cleaning just to help out. My aunt is only 45 and has horrible MS to the point where she is constantly shaking, unable to walk, wearing a diaper incase of any accidents and recently put on a feeding tube :cry: . My uncle works full time and so does my cousin so her doing a tiny bit of housework really goes a long way. They are so grateful for their HHA. If you look at job postings for HHAs a lot of them say basic housework as a job requirement.

violetgirl · Jan 6, 2013

Oh, ya... You must:eek: have one of my family members!!!! HA!

Compassion_x · Jan 7, 2013

This is something you are going to have to get used to if you're going to be a nurse. Families can be MUCH worse than this.

COMPLEXBeautyy · Jan 7, 2013

My client is bed bound. I sweep and mop the whole house spotless 4 times a week. I work 7 days a week. ( I don't need to clean the whole house only the kitchen, patients room and patients bathroom ) i scrub the stove and if I miss a spot the daughter calls me over to show me where I missed. It's kind of getting annoying. I'm a sweet person with a genuine heart. I'm kind of getting tired of playing nice. I no longer want to do the extra work because it is not appreciated. I don't get asked, I get ordered and when I say no everyone is awkward and sour. I'm trying to not be rude. Maybe I need to have strong character? How else should I be. I refused to be seen as a pushover.