Is it right to pursue nursing if the school is 2 hrs away from husband & kids?

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tbrown46

1 Post

Hello What to do, trying looking at other nursing school alternatives. Your previous degrees might help you to complete the program quicker in an online setting.

overthecliff

23 Posts

I would just, respectfully and with absolutely NO snark intended, ask you to go back and review the vows you made when you were married. Did you mean them? You say you don't want to feel regret OR resentment. I would suggest that you're going to have one or the other given your current plans (which you have apparently made WITHOUT your husband's input and consent). BUT, if you wait, get into a local program when that newborn is older- then you will have NEITHER.

I don't know, this seems a little harsh. Now we know husband travels for work A LOT. SO she's already home with the kids alone a ton. Her plan is to take the kids with her, her mom is really supportive, so she wouldn't be away from the kids that much, just husband. Also, 2 hours isn't that far to drive. I can see now why she would be torn. My husband and I went through a period of time where he moved to Austin for a job and I stayed in California with my kids. We moved in with my parents for months. It was tough but we made it work. I followed my husband and waited around for years for his work situation to stabilize before going back to school, so I can see where she is coming from. You're telling her to review her wedding vows but maybe husband needs to do that as well.

dkmamato3

145 Posts

Thanks everyone for your support. It means a lot to hear encouraging words. Should I decide to pursue the program, the kids and I will most likely move to that city so i will see them everyday. My husband and I both have family there and my mom has already offered to babysit the kids full-time. My husband will be two hours away by himself at home when he gets off work and that's the hardest part for him, not being able to seeing us everyday. He himself travels lot for his work, at least 30% of the time throughout the year, so he won't have time to watch the kids. I don't want to feel regret if I decide not to go and i dont want to feel resentment towards him for not supporting this. I also don't want him to resent me if I do go through with the nursing program. My family and friends all support me except for my husband. And yes, nursing school will ways be there but at the same time, we all know how competitive it is to actually get into a program. Ahh, very torn.

Given this detail, you have family support - and I assume that perhaps you will be living with family as well. I do not think you are being unreasonable. But it will take a toll on your marriage as well as on your children and you have to make a conscious effort to minimize that strain. You will each be able to travel on the weekends and you have to make family time a priority during those times.

As parents we all make decisions and no one else can dictate the best decisions for you and your family. My husband went out of state to PA school and has since traveled and worked in several locations taking him away from living at home full time and we are no where close to any family (our children were 9, 7 and 3 at the time). While it was a big adjustment for all of us, it afforded him to pursue his dreams of school and carry on with some exciting work that he loves. I do not always love being here alone with the kiddos but I can and I support his goals for what he wants to achieve. I know now that I want to return to school for nursing, he is there for me and supporting my goals as well.

Granted our children are older than yours (now 13, 12, 8), they understand more and can skype/call with Dad when they want during the evening hours and they spend lots of quality time with him when he is here.

Good luck with your decision!

MrsStudentNurse

294 Posts

I say wait it out. If it's not about the income especially that's what's the rush. The average of nurses is 47 years old. Besides having an unsupportive spouse is not conducive to success in school or life in general.

CT Pixie, BSN, RN

3,723 Posts

If it were my decision, I would never do that. But that's just me and my $0.02. I can't fathom the idea of only seeing my husband on occasional weekends. And if I were a father I would be willing to bet I wouldn't be too thrilled with the fact that my wife and my children are 2 hours away.

sogade

16 Posts

I would go, in a hot minute. It's important to live your life without resentment and regret. For me that translates into regretting the things I did not do. Look, if your marriage is strong enough, it will survive, if not, then you might be glad you went ahead and did this now. You have a support system in place, which would be the most important obstacle in my mind. Good luck!

stephanie30

42 Posts

I would personally not do it, but I have my own reasons. I have seen marriages torn apart because they chose careers in different states or countries etc. We are a military family so I cannot even tell you how many times I have seen distance come between marriages. I can also not tell you how many marriages have come through it. It really depends on the couple.

The biggest thing I see is that if you and hubby are not on the same page there is likely to be an issue, even if you don't resent anything he might. If it does brake up your marriages then he will still be your children's father forever. I think it best to have a hard discussion with your husband and you will both have to budge a little, or you have to say take it or leave it, it is up to you. The time away from your kids doesn't seem like that big of a thing to me, you will see them every day and will hopefully have more time for them on the weekend. I hold on tight to the the fact that I have been a stay at home mom for 10 years, but if I lived close enough for my family to watch my kids I probably would have finished school and went back to work. Plenty of single parents work that much and have wonderful kids anyway.

My husband went away for a year, not because the military told him to, but because he wanted a different job. We chose it together. It was hard! I gained 30 pounds...AHH! He came 2 times total during that time for less than a week each. He missed every birthday and holiday except Christmas for a whole year. Sometimes it was fine other nights I cried, the kids cried, my hubby who doesn't cry cried! But we chose it because we knew that it would be better for out family if he was happier at work. We were wiling to make the sacrifice. Some days it didn't seem worth it, but now that it is over I can say it was. We moved from England to the US (were were stationed in England at the time)and he left 1 month later. We had just moved into our house, it was empty and I knew about 2 people. I had to take care of 5 kids all day every day by myself, and unpack a whole house! We also homeschool so I pretty much had no break. Both of our families live 17 hours away. Still we made it because we chose it together, when it was hard for him I cheered him up, when it was hard for me he cheered me up. It made him sad that the kids were crying, it made me sad that he was living all alone on the holidays. But, I knew it was for the best. You will have to come to that either together or you might look at the possibly that going might be walking away. If he is that against it, the difficulty might make it too much to bare or he might realize that he could never be without you and the kids. Just no way to tell, but either way it would make it a lot easier if you could make the decision together so that you are both happy about the way everything is going.

mjo07

170 Posts

I think you need to do what you feel is right in your heart. I agree with previous posters about being a parent and always choosing your children before school, but not every parent is the same. Some parents stay at home and others work 3 jobs, but what matter is love. As long as you have love you can do anything. So ultimately I think it is a personal choice. Whatever makes you happy :)

If it were me, I would choose to not go. Especially since you have a previous bachelors and money is not an issue. But I only say that because I am truly happy only when Im with my child. Maybe if Nursing were more important or if I did not have my child (who I want to be with as long as possible I heard they grow fast), I would choose school.

Good Luck! and congratulations on your acceptance!

fbanh

8 Posts

My husband graduated with an MBA just last year. Throughout his entire 3 year MBA program he also worked full time which meant he had to take night classes and occasional weekend classes as well. I know he was exhausted everyday when he got home. At the time I was pregnant and then we had our first kid. It was mainly myself taking care of our kid and household chores 24/7. He concentrated on bringing home the money and studying his ass off. I supported him 100% and I am so proud of his accomplishments. Now he has a career that he loves and I couldn't be more happier for him. His main argument is that, he attended a local university plus he got a full scholarship. He only applied to the one local university because he personally did not want to be away from us. Very fortunately he got in the first time he applied. Had he applied and got accepted to schools further away without a full scholarship, I would still be 100% supportive of his decisions because I know that is his goal. I assumed he would support me in the same way.

pixiestudent2

993 Posts

My husband graduated with an MBA just last year. Throughout his entire 3 year MBA program he also worked full time which meant he had to take night classes and occasional weekend classes as well. I know he was exhausted everyday when he got home. At the time I was pregnant and then we had our first kid. It was mainly myself taking care of our kid and household chores 24/7. He concentrated on bringing home the money and studying his ass off. I supported him 100% and I am so proud of his accomplishments. Now he has a career that he loves and I couldn't be more happier for him. His main argument is that he attended a local university plus he got a full scholarship. He only applied to the one local university because he personally did not want to be away from us. Very fortunately he got in the first time he applied. Had he applied and got accepted to schools further away without a full scholarship, I would still be 100% supportive of his decisions because I know that is his goal. I assumed he would support me in the same way.[/quote']

Well would you rather go to nursing school right now or have a husband?

veggie530

249 Posts

Specializes in CCRN, ED, Unit Manager.
I have been a stay at home mom for the past two years and I finally got accepted into a nursing program for this coming Fall 2013 after 3+ years of application cycles. The school is two hours away from home. I have two kids (2 yr and 4 months). I have a science degree in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology. Prior to being a stay at home mom, I was a pharmaceutical QA lab analyst for 6 years. But in my heart I always knew I wanted to become a nurse.

My husband knows it is my goal/dream to become a nurse (and it's truly not because of the money)but he is very unhappy about me going through the program because it means we will be separated as a family unit. We would only be able to see each other on the weekends and even then I would probably be so busy with school that even weekends will be dedicated for school. He wants me to apply to other schools in our area, which I have been but I never got accepted. I finally get accepted into a school 2 hours away and I am so heartbroken that he is not supporting me in my goal. He says I would be selfish neglecting my family and thinking only about myself and my own goals. We are financially stable, if my goal to become a nurse is to make more money, then my income is not needed so I shouldn't make decisions that could potentially break up our family. I feel absolutely terrible. =(

I'm a man. Tell him to suck it up for less than 2 years and you guys will do the best you can. I have multiple class mates that are 1 hour+ away and one of them has 5 kids. Where there is a will there is a way.

And I don't get this "put your children before school" nonsense. I guess people out there who try to better themselves are not being a good parent? That's nonsense. Both parents should be able to take care of the family if need be and be the best versions of themselves.

veggie530

249 Posts

Specializes in CCRN, ED, Unit Manager.
I would go, in a hot minute. It's important to live your life without resentment and regret. For me that translates into regretting the things I did not do. Look, if your marriage is strong enough, it will survive, if not, then you might be glad you went ahead and did this now. You have a support system in place, which would be the most important obstacle in my mind. Good luck!

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