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| No. 10 | 
Sep 14, 2005, 10:57 PM
Originally Posted by FNPhopeful Thanks everyone for the advice. The hard part is deciding what is worth punishing over. But when she doesnt do ANYTHING I say its starts to get ridiculous, I want to impress upon her she has do as she's told at all times, and I would never ask her to do something she's not capable of. Its things like - pick that up please, try and make your bed please, put your toys in the toybox please, put that away when your done with it, you have to get your hair brushed (the worst one).....so after the umpteenth time its like do I really want to start an all day battle over picking up toys?
I know consistantcy is the key, I need to be stronger I guess.
I agree with Steveilynn. My daughter is 2 years old and is very stubborn when clean up time comes along. If she doesn't pick up her toys when I ask her to or if she walks away I take her back to where her toys are and physically make her pick them up (gently of course) after a couple of toys she will pick up the rest on her own. At five, I encourage you when your daughter doesn't want to pick them up after you have given her a chance. Get a big black trash bag and start putting them in there and let her know that if they aren't important enough for her to want to take care of then you will throw them away (give them to the local goodwill or put them up where she can't find them). After losing her toys a couple of times she will know you are serious.
My dad says "You need to straighten up that tree before it grows crooked."   | | Advertisement Sponsored Links | | | | No. 11 |
Sep 14, 2005, 11:06 PM
Hi FNPhopeful, now it sounds like you are getting very wound up by her, which is completely understandable, and probably hear yourself reprimanding her all the time. Why not turn things around by asking her to help you tidy up rather than telling her to do things, or make a game of it. For children any attention is good so if you try to give her lots of positive attention even if she is just being 'normal' and try as much to give her very little or no attention when playing up or being naughty. Soon she will realise that she will get more attention for being good before you know it she want to help you all the time. Also everybody has busy lifes these days but try and spend 5 minutes yes just 5 minutes of competely undisturbed time with her. No phone calls/doing other things/talking to other people just your completely undivided attention for her to play a game, do a puzzle, watch a program and so on she will enjoy this and you will feel happier to instead of feeling like she will just have memories of being told off all the time. Remember she loves you and just wants your attention anyway she can get it and what she is doing is working.
Hope this helps : | | No. 12 |
Sep 14, 2005, 11:17 PM
you can try putting ALL of the toys in time out if the behavior gets too bad. I have a 4 yr old and we took every single toy and book out of her room one Sunday after a week of tantrums and bad behavior at our religious meeting. She had to earn them back with good behaivior 2 at a time. it took about 2 weeks before all of the toys were back in her room. She has done pretty well with listening since then, however still an occasional flare up will happen. We put her on the zero tolerance policy for that! (she knows what that means! lol) sometimes you have to sit in tiome out with them to make sure there is no fidgeting and singing etc.. at my house time out starts when you are quiet and sitting still. Talk to her about how being a big girl means more responsibility. I agree with the chart idea. My hubby just started talking to her about the idea of an allowance and her chore for the week to receive her dollar. (she loves to go to the dollar store and pick out a toy so this is a strong incentive for her). In any case YOUR NOT ALONE!
| | No. 13 |
Sep 14, 2005, 11:19 PM
Originally Posted by L&D4ME I agree with Steveilynn. My daughter is 2 years old and is very stubborn when clean up time comes along. If she doesn't pick up her toys when I ask her to or if she walks away I take her back to where her toys are and physically make her pick them up (gently of course) after a couple of toys she will pick up the rest on her own. At five, I encourage you when your daughter doesn't want to pick them up after you have given her a chance. Get a big black trash bag and start putting them in there and let her know that if they aren't important enough for her to want to take care of then you will throw them away (give them to the local goodwill or put them up where she can't find them). After losing her toys a couple of times she will know you are serious.
My dad says "You need to straighten up that tree before it grows crooked."
i agree with this advice too! i have thrown away toys before, (and if that happens let me tell you there will be no new toyas for awhile.) They have to know that you mean business otherwise those little stinkers will run the show.
| | No. 14 |
Sep 14, 2005, 11:39 PM
Originally Posted by SMK1 i agree with this advice too! i have thrown away toys before, (and if that happens let me tell you there will be no new toyas for awhile.) They have to know that you mean business otherwise those little stinkers will run the show.
Oh yes, I have bagged up plenty of toys as well b/c of bad behavior. Makes me want to tell Santa not to go crazy at Christmas time. lol
| | No. 15 |
Sep 15, 2005, 12:16 AM
 Reward system works for me
Hi all!
I haven't read through all the posts, but I can say that the reward system has worked for me...at least so far. I've only implemented it as of two weeks ago, but so far so good. I have a 3 year old, so I can totally relate to the original poster. Since I've implemented the reward chart, I've noticed a dramatic change in her behavior and in wanting to help out around the house, even eating all of her food (which is a task at this age)!
I made a chart with a row for each day of the week and a column for each task I want completed or behavior I want modeled. She gets a star for each task/behavior completed. At the end of the each day, if all columns are completed, she gets a magnet. So in a week, she can collect a total of 7 magnets, which in turn get exchanged for a prize. If she misses a column, she gets no magnet for that day, which means it'll take her longer to earn her prize. It has really motivated her and increased her independence as well as confidence. Now she feels like a "big girl" doing things for herself and being accountable for little things like picking up her toys, washing hands after using the bathroom, etc. Good luck!
| | No. 16 |
Sep 15, 2005, 12:21 AM
I can't give you any immediate help, but, seriously, start watching or taping Nanny 911 and Supernanny on the TV. These people are great and mention the psychology of what they are doing to change a kid's (and a parent's) behavior.
| | No. 17 |
Sep 15, 2005, 12:36 AM
Originally Posted by Daytonite I can't give you any immediate help, but, seriously, start watching or taping Nanny 911 and Supernanny on the TV. These people are great and mention the psychology of what they are doing to change a kid's (and a parent's) behavior.
I thought these shows would be horrendous and was so pleased when they both turned out to be pretty good. I don't agree with everything I see, but most of it is absolutely on the mark. The most important lesson from both shows? That kids do what their parents condition them to do. In every case, without exception, it was the parents who were creating and feeding the chaos. The kids were only responding to the lack of structure, the parental conflict, and the absence of positive direction. Another thing I noticed--in nearly every family, the kids were lonely, starved for praise and affection, and genuinely unhappy with the anarchy.
After the nannies came in and helped get the parents back on track, the families seemed to enjoy each other's company. There was kindness and affirmation where before there had been fighting and rebellion. The NOISE level that characterized the "before" cllips had dropped down many notches and people were actually conversing and listening to each other.
What's nice about watching shows like this is that it's one thing to read or hear about effective techniques, but it's another altogether to see them implemented with real live kids who have no ulterior motives. These shows are very real.
Your daughter is very fortunate to have a mother who cares enough to set loving limits.
Dr. Phil also has some good ideas about finding and using your child's currency (what motivates her) and on becoming absolutely predictable in your responses so your kid will be able to count on your consistency to help her set boundaries.
I wish you well.
| | No. 18 |
Sep 15, 2005, 01:41 AM
Gee, let me think.....yep. 4 was the spanking year!!! Funny thing is one day you realize that they havent had one in a long, long time. My boys shaped up, but now they are trying to run the show again. Back to the drawing board.
One time, I was soooooo mad at one of my kids (I don't spank with anger in my body, its as though you're beating them up and I dont think you are in much control at that point). I mean really mad. (They were probably 4 and 5 at the time...and now 5 and 6) So, I messed up their bed. Actually, I really, really messed up their bed! Those sheets were so messed up. There they were, all wadded up in the middle of the matress. Yep, even got that fitted sheet off! Hahahahaha!!! Boy, I showed them! My husband witnessed the whole thing and goes into laughing fits when he remembers it, or gladly tells the story to someone (in front of me, of course). He likes to threaten people that he will send me over to mess up their bed.
It truely was the funniest thing I've probably ever done while I was mad. Worst part........
I had to make the bed before they went to sleep.
Lisa
| | No. 19 |
Sep 15, 2005, 02:35 AM
Originally Posted by Woogy Gee, let me think.....yep. 4 was the spanking year!!! Funny thing is one day you realize that they havent had one in a long, long time. My boys shaped up, but now they are trying to run the show again. Back to the drawing board.
One time, I was soooooo mad at one of my kids (I don't spank with anger in my body, its as though you're beating them up and I dont think you are in much control at that point). I mean really mad. (They were probably 4 and 5 at the time...and now 5 and 6) So, I messed up their bed. Actually, I really, really messed up their bed! Those sheets were so messed up. There they were, all wadded up in the middle of the matress. Yep, even got that fitted sheet off! Hahahahaha!!! Boy, I showed them! My husband witnessed the whole thing and goes into laughing fits when he remembers it, or gladly tells the story to someone (in front of me, of course). He likes to threaten people that he will send me over to mess up their bed.
It truely was the funniest thing I've probably ever done while I was mad. Worst part........
I had to make the bed before they went to sleep.
Lisa
Oh, God! Your post was so funny! I remember Dr. Laura advising a parent who was asking what she could do to "cure" her kid from lying. Dr. Laura told her to tell the kid a couple of times over the day that they would be stopping at McDonalds for dinner on the way home from school. Then, she told the mother to just drive by the McDonalds and when the kid mentions she didn't turn in to get the dinner to tell the kid, "Oh, I lied." I have never gotten that out of my mind. Don't know if it's because it is inherently brilliant, or downright mean. In any case, I'm sure it probably would work.
My mother very simply had an arsenal of "weapons" (a belt with cut glass studs, a fly swatter, a broom and the old wooden spoon) that kept us in fear of incurring her rath by misbehaving.
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