Delaying Children until after nursing school.

  1. HI,
    Prenursing student here starting to take my prereq this Jan and I am so happy that I changed my major. I am A also 25 years old and married for 3 years so the itch of having children started happening. My husband and I have decided to wait to have children until after school. Michael (husband) is working on his AS in computer and I of course a AS nursing but it looks like it will be another 4 to 5 years before I am finish. I don't know how to deal with it all of my coworks/friends that are my age are starting to have their families. All this because I so badly want to become a nurse and having children right now will make things a lot more difficult. I am going to wait to have children later but are their people in the same boat as I and how do you deal with it?
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  2. 41 Comments

  3. by   lady_db_programmer
    Quote from mydee
    HI,
    Prenursing student here starting to take my prereq this Jan and I am so happy that I changed my major. I am A also 25 years old and married for 3 years so the itch of having children started happening. My husband and I have decided to wait to have children until after school. Michael (husband) is working on his AS in computer and I of course a AS nursing but it looks like it will be another 4 to 5 years before I am finish. I don't know how to deal with it all of my coworks/friends that are my age are starting to have their families. All this because I so badly want to become a nurse and having children right now will make things a lot more difficult. I am going to wait to have children later but are their people in the same boat as I and how do you deal with it?
    First of all, you're only 25 years old. You have many years of healthy childbearing in front of you.

    If both you and your husband are not working, you should not have children since you won't have a way to support them. If I were you, I would wait until at least one of you is in gainful, full-time employment WITH HEALTH BENEFITS.

    I would recommend that you finish school first, then have children. We're not going to be doing it that way, but I can't put off having kids until after school; I'm too old. You're not. I'd wait; who cares what your friends are doing? Do you have to have kids just because they're having kids? What works for them may not work for you, and you may regret having kids now because it will just make school that much more difficult.

    I understand the itch, believe me; but you need to put your kids' needs ahead of your own, and you are in a position to finish school before you have children. If I were 25 instead of 31, I'd wait too.
  4. by   stpauligirl
    Quote from mydee
    HI,
    Prenursing student here starting to take my prereq this Jan and I am so happy that I changed my major. I am A also 25 years old and married for 3 years so the itch of having children started happening. My husband and I have decided to wait to have children until after school. Michael (husband) is working on his AS in computer and I of course a AS nursing but it looks like it will be another 4 to 5 years before I am finish. I don't know how to deal with it all of my coworks/friends that are my age are starting to have their families. All this because I so badly want to become a nurse and having children right now will make things a lot more difficult. I am going to wait to have children later but are their people in the same boat as I and how do you deal with it?
    Delay, delay, delay......
  5. by   LPN0608
    Here's my story in as few word as possible. Got into RN school in July of 2005, dropped during orientation(found out I was pregnant, suprised.) March 2006, had baby. Baby slept all the time, applied to LPN program in april. Started school when baby was 4 months old and she stopped sleeping all the time. Spent the whole 1'st semester having to study and not spending very much time with her(it's never enough time). Thankfully her father is superdad and can happily work all day, play with her all night and do most of the housework. Love him. It's been really hard but I just finished my first semester and I passed. All b's. Wait if ya can, wouldn't wanna be preg. during school. We're waiting til I'm finished with my RN for her little brother. Probably will be around 30 by then.
  6. by   PurrRN
    I remember having that feeling of baby lust very well. The thing is, while you can mentally "know" that it's going to involve alot of work raising a baby, reality is so much more difficult. I love my children with all my heart but truely if I could have a do over.......I'd wait until I was done with school first. Children are just natrually selfish creatures (and you cant blame them because it's age appropriate), they don't care if you are tired, stessed, have to study before you fail out of a class etc. I can remember on at least one occasion having only a couple of hours sleep, having to study for a big test the next day, crying because I'm stressed to the max, and wouldn't you know one of my babies would become violently ill. Which means mommy duty becomes #1 priority and everything else falls to the wayside no matter what the consequences.

    My experience being that it's just SOOO hard to balance, why put yourself through H if you don't have to.

    Disclaimer being that of course, my experience is just one of MANY and some may not feel the same as I.

    Good luck on your descision, I hope it works out for you either way.
  7. by   stpauligirl
    Quote from SiamCat1
    I remember having that feeling of baby lust very well. The thing is, while you can mentally "know" that it's going to involve alot of work raising a baby, reality is so much more difficult. I love my children with all my heart but truely if I could have a do over.......I'd wait until I was done with school first. Children are just natrually selfish creatures (and you cant blame them because it's age appropriate), they don't care if you are tired, stessed, have to study before you fail out of a class etc. I can remember on at least one occasion having only a couple of hours sleep, having to study for a big test the next day, crying because I'm stressed to the max, and wouldn't you know one of my babies would become violently ill. Which means mommy duty becomes #1 priority and everything else falls to the wayside no matter what the consequences.

    My experience being that it's just SOOO hard to balance, why put yourself through H if you don't have to.

    Disclaimer being that of course, my experience is just one of MANY and some may not feel the same as I.

    Good luck on your descision, I hope it works out for you either way.
    You put this very well,
    My 8 year old had surgery today. Luckily I am finished with school work for this semester. I am "on duty" watching over him so that he doesn't bite his tongue off and doesn't dose off, and choke on vomit and drool.....thank God I am here for him. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but with him. He will feel discomfort for at least a week. Hopefully he will be his usual self on X-Mas day.
    You never get a vacation from being a mom....
    Last edit by stpauligirl on Dec 18, '06
  8. by   medhead
    Congratulations on finding your calling!

    I remember discussing children with my husband when we first married. I swore up and down to him that I absolutely wanted to have our first before I turned 30 ... and that's what we did (I'm 31 with a 6yo and a 3yo). Now that I am in my 30s, though, I just shake my head at the logic of my 'youth'. If I had waited until now to have my first, I would have been perfectly happy ... I feel as young as ever and actually have a bit more wisdom and patience than I did even 5 years ago! But, if I had to do it all over again for myself, I'd kick that stigma of becoming-a-mom-by-mid-twenties-just-because-everybody-else-is in the rear and wait a few years. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world, but if I could start over and wait to have the same kids I have now, I think I would ... I'd definitely be a more well-rounded, established individual and, yes, even a better mom to a certain extent. And as far as that 'stigma' goes, you'd be surprised to learn that it's becoming VERY common for women these days to not have their first until their 30s. Visit any of the popular pregnancy/birth forums on the net and you'll see that a fair proportion of the first-time mommies are actually 'older'. So, while I'm not exactly in your situation, you're definitely not alone in your choice!
    Last edit by medhead on Dec 18, '06
  9. by   stpauligirl
    Quote from medhead
    Congratulations on finding your calling!

    I remember discussing children with my husband when we first married. I swore up and down to him that I absolutely wanted to have our first before I turned 30 ... and that's what we did (I'm 31 with a 6yo and a 3yo). Now that I am in my 30s, though, I just shake my head at the logic of my 'youth'. If I had waited until now to have my first, I would have been perfectly happy ... I feel as young as ever and actually have a bit more wisdom and patience than I did even 5 years ago! But, if I had to do it all over again for myself, I'd kick that stigma of becoming-a-mom-by-mid-twenties-just-because-everybody-else-is in the rear and wait a few years. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world, but if I could start over and wait to have the same kids I have now, I think I would ... I'd definitely be a more well-rounded, established individual and, yes, even a better mom to a certain extent. And as far as that 'stigma' goes, you'd be surprised to learn that it's becoming VERY common for women these days to not have their first until their 30s. Visit any of the popular pregnancy/birth forums on the net and you'll see that a fair proportion of the first-time mommies are actually 'older'. So, while I'm not exactly in your situation, you're definitely not alone in your choice!
    I am a far more patient mom with my youngest who is 8. I had my oldest in my mid-twenties ( he will be 23 ). I was still struggling to find myself and had a much harder time adjusting to motherhood in 1984.....I had my second at 38 and it's a totally different ball game
  10. by   shippoRN
    Quote from stpauligirl
    You put this very well,
    My 8 year old had surgery today. Luckily I am finished with school work for this semester. I am "on duty" watching over him so that he doesn't bite his tongue off and doesn't dose off, and choke on vomit and drool.....thank God I am here for him. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but with him. He will feel discomfort for at least a week. Hopefully he will be his usual self on X-Mas day.
    You never get a vacation from being a mom....
    Sorry to get off topic, just curious, what happened to your little one? I hope he is ok. Best wishes to your family and I do hope he can enjoy christmas day.
  11. by   stpauligirl
    Quote from mystiqx
    Sorry to get off topic, just curious, what happened to your little one? I hope he is ok. Best wishes to your family and I do hope he can enjoy christmas day.
    He was tongue-tied. He has a few stitches under his tongue and was in quite some pain this afternoon. I've given him ibuprofen and he is doing ok for now. I am keeping him calm, he watched TV and was playing his video game He has difficulty eating and doesn't have much of an appetite...ice cream and popsicles seems to work though.
    It may not seem like a difficult procedure but I definitely appreciate the care that he was given. I could tell that the doctor took it serious and didn't downplay the procedure. She told me that there were kids that bit their tongue off because they couldn't feel it due to being numbed. Also anything envolving the tongue can cause lots of bleeding. Luckily there was very little. We will watch for infection and hope he won't get one. The stitches will give him discomfort for up to a week. He has never been numbed in his mouth before and it was quite painful for me to watch, I guess we can't see our babies suffer
    Thanks for your concern and caring.
    I am all alone today because my husband is out of town for the week but he has called twice.
    We'll be ok.
    Have a great X-Mas.:Holly1:
    Last edit by stpauligirl on Dec 18, '06
  12. by   shippoRN
    Quote from stpauligirl
    He was tongue-tied. He has a few stitches under his tongue and was in quite some pain this afternoon. I've given him ibuprofen and he is doing ok for now. I am keeping him calm, he watched TV and was playing his video game He has difficulty eating and doesn't have much of an appetite...ice cream and popsicles seems to work though.
    It may not seem like a difficult procedure but I definitely appreciate the care that he was given. I could tell that the doctor took it serious and didn't downplay the procedure. She told me that there were kids that bit their tongue off because they couldn't feel it due to being numbed. Also anything envolving the tongue can cause lots of bleeding. Luckily there was very little. We will watch for infection and hope he won't get one. The stitches will give him discomfort for up to a week. He has never been numbed in his mouth before and it was quite painful for me to watch, I guess we can't see our babies suffer
    Thanks for your concern and caring.
    I am all alone today because my husband is out of town for the week but he has called twice.
    We'll be ok.
    Have a great X-Mas.:Holly1:
    Merry christmas to you too, and I am sure he will be up and about in no time. By the way, you learn something new every day. I always knew "to be tongue-tied" as being an expression, not a diagnosis someone could actually have AND have surgery for. I googled it. Good to know.
    ~M:spin:
  13. by   stpauligirl
    Quote from mystiqx
    Merry christmas to you too, and I am sure he will be up and about in no time. By the way, you learn something new every day. I always knew "to be tongue-tied" as being an expression, not a diagnosis someone could actually have AND have surgery for. I googled it. Good to know.
    ~M:spin:
    It was the same for me and I thought it to be only an expression until his pediatrician pointed it out when he was a little wee-one. He was amazed that my son was able to speak as well as he could. As he started growing it became a problem, the skin pulled on the inside of his lower gums. My son also has braces and his orthodontist recommended it to be taken care of.
    He rested well last night and is somewhat sore this morning. No swelling, which is a good sign! I keep giving him ibuprofen and it seems to keep the pain under control. He even ate some soft butter toast last night. He is a fairly skinny kid and I hope he will not fade away completely .....I stocked up on icecream so that he gets some calories
    He'll get extra love from his momma, I am glad that I am off and can devote myself fully to his care. My house is a mess.....I am sure I'll get everything done before X-Mas Day, my oldest son is coming to visit :spin:
    :Holly3: :Snow: thanks for caring
  14. by   catzy5
    Quote from mydee
    HI,
    Prenursing student here starting to take my prereq this Jan and I am so happy that I changed my major. I am A also 25 years old and married for 3 years so the itch of having children started happening. My husband and I have decided to wait to have children until after school. Michael (husband) is working on his AS in computer and I of course a AS nursing but it looks like it will be another 4 to 5 years before I am finish. I don't know how to deal with it all of my coworks/friends that are my age are starting to have their families. All this because I so badly want to become a nurse and having children right now will make things a lot more difficult. I am going to wait to have children later but are their people in the same boat as I and how do you deal with it?

    Hi I am not in the same boat as you but thought I would write anyway, I had my children at 29 and 30 I am 38 now and my kids are 9 and 7,7

    I thought I would write to tell you its much easier before you have kids to continue all of this. It still can be done with kids but having only yourself to worry about makes studying and actually making it to class so much easier! I think its wise to wait if its possible you will make working toward your goal that much easier.

    good luck.

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