Delaying Children until after nursing school.

catzy5 · Dec 19, 2006

HI,
Prenursing student here starting to take my prereq this Jan and I am so happy that I changed my major. I am A also 25 years old and married for 3 years so the itch of having children started happening. My husband and I have decided to wait to have children until after school. Michael (husband) is working on his AS in computer and I of course a AS nursing but it looks like it will be another 4 to 5 years before I am finish. I don't know how to deal with it all of my coworks/friends that are my age are starting to have their families. All this because I so badly want to become a nurse and having children right now will make things a lot more difficult. I am going to wait to have children later but are their people in the same boat as I and how do you deal with it?

Hi I am not in the same boat as you but thought I would write anyway, I had my children at 29 and 30 I am 38 now and my kids are 9 and 7,7

I thought I would write to tell you its much easier before you have kids to continue all of this. It still can be done with kids but having only yourself to worry about makes studying and actually making it to class so much easier! I think its wise to wait if its possible you will make working toward your goal that much easier.

good luck.

catzy5 · Dec 19, 2006

I remember having that feeling of baby lust very well. The thing is, while you can mentally "know" that it's going to involve alot of work raising a baby, reality is so much more difficult. I love my children with all my heart but truely if I could have a do over.......I'd wait until I was done with school first. Children are just natrually selfish creatures (and you cant blame them because it's age appropriate), they don't care if you are tired, stessed, have to study before you fail out of a class etc. I can remember on at least one occasion having only a couple of hours sleep, having to study for a big test the next day, crying because I'm stressed to the max, and wouldn't you know one of my babies would become violently ill. Which means mommy duty becomes #1 priority and everything else falls to the wayside no matter what the consequences.
My experience being that it's just SOOO hard to balance, why put yourself through H if you don't have to.
Disclaimer being that of course, my experience is just one of MANY and some may not feel the same as I.
Good luck on your descision, I hope it works out for you either way.

I agree with you totally siam cat. If at all possible wait! Also I forgot to mention if your children/child get sick. which can happen alot when they are very young! Who will be there to care for them are you willing to go to school even when they are sick? My daughter was rarely sick as an infant but my boys were ill all the time there was no way I could have even gone to work when I had them never mind school. I was also a walking zombie they never slept and was a crazy women LOL. Even now my kids are older but they are all instructed to stay healthy during school hours hehehee.

catzy5 · Dec 19, 2006

You put this very well,
My 8 year old had surgery today. Luckily I am finished with school work for this semester. I am "on duty" watching over him so that he doesn't bite his tongue off and doesn't dose off, and choke on vomit and drool.....thank God I am here for him. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but with him. He will feel discomfort for at least a week. Hopefully he will be his usual self on X-Mas day.
You never get a vacation from being a mom....

I hope he is feeling better soon!

My son had surgery 2 days before thanksgiving but we were fighting this illness for weeks before I was inturupted in school just about every day, batteling doctors and having to run him 60 miles away to the hospital a couple times a week. miraculously we ended up having his surgery during my break I thought boy we couldn't have timed that better I only missed one day of school. He'll have to have another one too but I can plan this one and will wait until after spring semester.

savedbutterfly · Dec 19, 2006

i went through school with two young children it was it really tough just to do the things like studing, homework, housework, and just mommy and household duties. when my kids were in school there was constantly some project or party or festival that they wanted me to do and their father just did not cut it because you know jane's mom "always does this or that". :trout: and i think it broke my heart each time i had to say i can not come to your school party or field trip, i have class that day. but now i am done and i am so happy:balloons:

catzy5 · Dec 19, 2006

I went through school with two young children it was it really tough just to do the things like studing, homework, housework, and just mommy and household duties. When my kids were in school there was constantly some project or party or festival that they wasnted me to do and there father just did not cut it because you know jane's mom "always does this or that". and I think it broke my heart each time I had to say i can not come to your school part, I have class that day.

I am running into that mommy guilt this year, up until this year I volunteered in all 3 classrooms once a week. It made a world of difference knowing the teacher personally, knowing how and what things were taught, knowing how my kids acted in class etc...This is my first year not to be there I go only once a week one childs class. :::sigh::: I feel mommy guilt all the time, however my kids are really supportive and totally have understood and encourage me to stick it out. I think they are looking forward to me not saying we don't have the money for that hehhee. Seriously though I know its temporary and I am there for them after school every day and make sure I attend the things I can attend when not in school, not begging off being tired etc...

stpauligirl · Dec 19, 2006

I hope he is feeling better soon!
My son had surgery 2 days before thanksgiving but we were fighting this illness for weeks before I was inturupted in school just about every day, batteling doctors and having to run him 60 miles away to the hospital a couple times a week. miraculously we ended up having his surgery during my break I thought boy we couldn't have timed that better I only missed one day of school. He'll have to have another one too but I can plan this one and will wait until after spring semester.

Thanks.

It's soooooo hard to be a student mom. Good luck to you and I also hope that your son will be ok.

I guess we just need to take it one day and one battle at a time.

Merry X-Mas

:Holly1:

nurseangel47 · Dec 19, 2006

I would strongly advise that you indeed wait until after you're finished with school, both of you, until you start a precious family. Even though it is an extremely joyous time in your life to start a little family and bringing that little newbie home from hospital will be high up on your list of milestones of life, I cannot stress enough how difficult it can be to be in school, and have to work, or worry about NOT working for a while, when combined with starting your family.

I made the mistake of having children while in nursing school and have always regretted it. I had two small ones one still in diapers when I first started the nursing program. I'd been in college one year while pregnant, giving birth to the second one, studying prereqs. for the nursing program to qualify and compete for selection.

Please do yourself a huge favor and get a real life looking doll to cuddle, a pet to love on, or babysit for your friends a lot! to get that empty nest to be filled soon feeling put on the back burner! while you're young enough to forge ahead, get that degree and license, get firmly ensconced in a first year position somewhere, THEN you can have fun and get pregnant!

Good luck. You can have kids....Just get thru school now....then go for it!

stpauligirl · Dec 19, 2006

nurseangel 47 posted: "get a real life looking doll to cuddle, a pet to love on, or babysit for your friends a lot! "

Stick to the life looking doll and babysit for friends :lol2:

Pets can be worse than kids. If you get a pet DON"T get a beagle......

I swear he has a peanut size bladder and needs to be let out once or twice a night....he is 11 years old and I haven't gotten a good nights sleep since we first got him. His human brother, who we got the dog for, is grown and left the house a couple of years ago...I am left with that dog :lol2:

He is lucky he has those cute beagle eyes and long ears :monkeydance:

We have another dog and 3 cats also.....you can imagine the rest.

LaceyRN · Dec 19, 2006

I'm 34 and starting nursing school in January. My husband and I are waiting until after I graduate to start having more children. We have a 15 year old (soon to be 16.. yikes! from my previous relationship) but want more definitely want more children. I think we are actually going to wait until I finish grad school, so I'll probably be 41 or so before we have a baby! I am fine to wait, especially because I am healthy and have no misconceptions about how HARD it is to raise a child.

Best wishes in whatever you decide!

DesertRain · Dec 19, 2006

I see this topic often on these boards. I tend to reply to these type of quotes because I love my children so much and don't believe anyone else loves their children any less than I love mine. What I mean by that is (as mentioned earlier) the guilt of not having that extra moment to cuddle and read books, play outside, go for walks, make paper mache piggy banks, etc etc disturbs me. I am 27 (about to be 28 in a few days) and I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old. If I could do it again (ahhhh the redundancy) I would so do it again so I could spend so much more time with them, and have so much more financial means to give them just a little bit more than I am giving them right now.

When you're in school, you go to your classes and you can't just go home and relax and catch up. You have to study and study and do homework and study until the middle of the night just to keep up with the rest of the class. In contrast, when I am done nursing school, I will go to work and come home and have that time to be with the kids. What breaks my heart is that by the time I am done, my oldest will be at an age where she probably won't care to be around me so much and my youngest will not need help with his ABC's and not want to watch Sesame Street and Dora with me anymore and will probably be more interested in some gruesome animated ninja movies that will be hard for me to sit through.

Another time I find excruciatingly painful is when I study my brains out and put 110% into what I am doing and don't do so well on an exam, get a grade I expected to be higher. Those times bother me because I think about how much time I spent away from my kids to study and it didn't pay off. I have had some emotionally painful bouts of sobbing over the disappointment of all that as well.

Can it be done? Yes, I am doing it and so are the other people who have responded. Can it be done better? Yes for myself personally it could have been done better had I waited or had I gone to school first (I believe that equivalates to the same thing for me)

Don't worry about what all your friends and co-workers are doing. For one, when you have children, you discover so many opinions and aspects you once had about life dissapate and you see the world from an entirely different perspective. What I mean by that is that the people you might have once thought were people you click with may not be the people you click with when you have kids (regardless of if they have kids or not) I had a best friend who drifted from me when I had my kids. When she had kids I thought we would get along again and we sure as well did not. Also there will be other friends and coworkers you will meet when you are done that will be having kids---at that time.

One more important thing I want to mention is 30 is the new 20 and I would totally spend as much time as you can having fun with your self and your husband before things start changing and becoming a little more grown up with becoming a nurse and your husband getting out of college school to start a new career soon too.

This is your time to shine and whether you have your babies now or 10 years from now, they will still be your beautiful babies.

Good luck with everything!

cardiacRN2006, ADN, RN · Dec 19, 2006

I agree that it will be harder to go through NS with young children. But I just wished I tried sooner to get pregnant. It sucks to be in your 30's and find out that you have a fertility problem. I'd rather be a mom and have a hard time with nursing school, than an easier time and not be a mom. JMO

medhead · Dec 19, 2006

If you get a pet DON"T get a beagle......
I swear he has a peanut size bladder and needs to be let out once or twice a night....he is 11 years old and I haven't gotten a good nights sleep since we first got him. His human brother, who we got the dog for, is grown and left the house a couple of years ago...I am left with that dog
He is lucky he has those cute beagle eyes and long ears :monkeydance:
We have another dog and 3 cats also.....you can imagine the rest.

NOOOO!!! Don't say that! I just bought a beagle pup for my children as a surprise for Christmas :eek: I pick her up on Friday. Sounds like I'm the one that's going to get the surprise LOL.