Anyone else face alot of opposition going back to school from loved ones?

  1. :angryfire I get so aggravated with my fiance. Here is the situation. We just moved across state last summer. He is a pharmacy student and I relocated with him to have more oppurtunities for an education and better job prospects than what I had upstate. I have returned to college full time and working part time and granted I don't have a buttload of money to give him, I keep my basic bills paid. He pays the rent and utilities. I buy my own groceries. Tonight, we got in a fuss b/c he had to replace the brake pads on my car since I have been laid off from my prior job and am seeking another job and at the rate that we are spending we will be broke. Nevermind that he just bought a new 27 inch television and laser printer to use. No one held a gun to his head and made him buy it!!! He keeps bringing it up how selfish it was returning to school and not working some god awful $7.00 an hour job full time and how I need to rethink my options. I pulled a 4.0 last quarter and am damn proud of myself. I get soooooooooooooo tired of this same argument with him about how you can't get by on 7.00 an hour. He came from a more fortunate background and never had to work like that. He had his parents to help him through college for undergraduate school. I keep telling him that by me returning to school to get an associates degree I am almost tripling my earning potential in the near future and that I could finally get my credit cleaned up to be able to get normal "adult" things. He doesn't understand my frustration of having had lived poor most of my life and not being able to afford basic necessities of living. An education is something I have learned is a precious gift you can only give yourself and that no one can take away. I had to get this off of my chest. He says that I am being selfish and that I should have helped all I could while he went to school and that I should have waited till he graduated. Why not go now and get it out of the way instead of having to wait until I am 100 years old to pursue a education. I don't have any kids and I don't have a lot of debt at this time in my life. Sometimes he gets so self absorbed about him (grew up the only child in his family) that he gets pig headed and acts like what I want to do with my life is not important. I refuse to give up what is making me happy to work a thankless, poverty level wage, slave job!!!!!!!
    Last edit by LPN-n-2005 on Jan 20, '05
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  2. 17 Comments

  3. by   loriangel14
    I totally think you are doing the right thing. I will not go into the issues you are having with your fiance, that is another can of worms.


    I am a single mom going to night school. The thing that spurs me on is the fact that when I first separated from my husband I ended up doing homecare making $12/hr. That allowed me to barely scrape by and if it not were for my Dad helping me out my mortgage wouldn't get paid some months. The fact is that if you have a poor earning potential it will not change unless you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Just carrying on day after day, knowing that no matter how hard you work things aren't going to get better financially is depressing. One good point that you bring up is the fact that right now you have no kids and no serious debt. Doing your schooling now is an excellent idea. How anyone can suggest that getting a better education instead of working a deadend job is beyond me. Education is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Don't let anyone shoot your dreams down.

    Hang in there and keep in touch to let us know how you are doing. Allnurses is a great place for support. :angel2:
  4. by   hypnotic_nurse
    Lori said it very well -- I could not go back to school while I was married (he didn't want me to and made it difficult enough that I didn't fight it). I enrolled when I filed for divorce and have never regretted it.
  5. by   NavyWife
    My problem is not from my hubby, but rather my family from back home. Of course they have never had high hopes for me. "Are you sure you want to do this" "What about the kids" "Oh Amy! There is no way you can pull this off." That is what I was told when I informed them that I wanted to be a nurse. :angryfire To which my only reply is, screw them! If this is what you want, go for it! Do not put your hopes and dreams on hold for anyone but yourself. Life is too short, and you have to live while you can. As for me, I am not "in" yet, but I take the NET in 15 days. I have no plans of telling anyone back home if I do in fact get in. They will figure it out after a couple of months I suppose. :wink2:
  6. by   Fun2, RN, BSN
    My family is all for me going back to school. In the past, when I would try to go back, my hubby would say stuff. I think it was only a monetary issue, and now that I have a scholarship, he is very supportive. Of course, he may have just thought I was waisting money because I never finished each time I went back before. :chuckle

    I hope you knowthat he is "THE ONE", because if he acts like that now, how will he act when you're married? Hopefully, everything will calm down for you when you both graduate, and money problems aren't bad. Good luck!!
    Last edit by Fun2, RN, BSN on Jan 21, '05
  7. by   SusanJean
    Quote from Fun2Care
    I hope you knowthat he is "THE ONE", because if he acts like that now, how will he act when you're married?
    I have to say it only gets worse once you are married. X's 10. And then some. So if it is driving you nuts now...

    Good luck, stick w/ your education.
    SJ
  8. by   CrunchRN
    Men may not last forever, could take off tomorrow (you just never know), but your education will take care of you forever. Go for it & if he doesn't like it he will have to deal with that. I don't think you are married so he has no legal responsibility to put you through school once he is done, and so I think you should do what you are doing so you can always take care of yourself. He will look awfully silly complaining to people about how driven you are to achieve a better education and life - LOL!
  9. by   wannabemw
    Ok, ok, I wasn't going to reply but here goes; (sorry its long!)

    I have dealt w/this b4 myself. If u look around u will find another thread that dealt w/this also. I was like u, I wanted to go back to school, got opposition, discovered finacial aid, and told my DH of what was then 15yr that he had no say in this as long as I was paying for it. He has struggled w/me being in school, b/c it took away from him w/o me working (I ended up working for the 1st 2yrs of school, PT, as we have 3 kids, but they r not small). 1 year ago I began to really feel the brunt of it after I revealed to my MIL that I was LD. She gave me no sympathy, tried to drag me down, I struggled. Oh how I struggled! How could she? My DH I could handle, but then her? Then he became defensive of her! How could he? ARGG:angryfire !
    Then one day it finally dawned on me: he was worried about how he was going to continue to support us on one income and was I ever going to finish? My solution; I expressed to him that I worry about money too. I told him I was doing this for our future. I told him that I am going to finish and said approx when. I told him that I have to do this! This is my dream! I used a lot of "I" words to express how I was feeling. I kept my calm, I let him talk, then I came out w/more "I feel" words. Sounds dumb, but sometimes w/men then just need to know some of the basics and that we r driven for a reason and that we acknowledge their feelings!

    SO: Guess what I got for Christmas? An A & P 3D program! I got through to him! YEAH! Oh yeah, and BTW I graduate in May w/my BS in Health Ed and I am applying to a BSN program for this fall (Accelerated, 13m). My DH is so proud now! he NOW talks about the day I am a nurse!
    Success!:hatparty:

    Do this for u, and remember: Dream seeking will be met w/aversion! This makes all of this even more of a drive! Prove the nay-sayers wrong! U can do this! Oh yeah, don't forget to tell your BF "Thank you for working so hard to provide us a home! " Men love to hear this!
    Good Luck!
    MJ
  10. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    I'll say this for my own situation. My ex-fiance asked me to put off school untill he got his work promotion. He got the work promotion (he was a cop) and then started dating some sleaze that he'd arrested once. I realized that he was out for #1.

    Never again will i put my life on hold for a man.

    If he truly loved me, he wouldn't see me trying to better myself as being selfish.
  11. by   boulergirl
    Although I didn't face opposition going to school, I got it--all of a sudden--when my parents learned I'd been accepted into nursing school. Mom freaked out and begged me to drop out, because she felt I wouldn't make a good nurse and didn't want to me to accidentally kill a patient. I was having second thoughts myself (and had no idea this was normal pre-program jitters). So I gave in and let her talk me into switching to an English major. I just lost my motivation for school after that, and my grades went down. My self-confidence took a hike. I have now learned to keep my trap shut when I make plans, and not let others sway me so much. I'm currently in a dead-end, $8/hr. job and have been for years. It's not fun. This is NOT how I'd dreamed of ending up, so I'm thinking about getting certified as a pharmacy technician. At least I'd be working in a job where I'm always learning something.
  12. by   KrisRNwannabe
    I must say that my parents weren't exactly thrilled. I have a bachelors degree from the University of Michigan, and lets say tution expensive, so they were less than receptive. but they also realize that times are different than when they were young, he walked in to GM at 17, she walked in to the state at 21, and both retired and make well over 25 bucks an hour and they are retired!! now they are super supportive, they know my class schedule, when i have tests, when i have clinicals. and when i get home. the call everyday to see how things went. they call in the morning before a test to wish me good luck. my husband has also been very supportive. his parents, not so much, they aren't like mine. my parents realize that life is hard for college grads to find good jobs like their parents had. i think the people that support me defiently make up for the ones that don't. for me it was hard for people to understand why i would leave a career that i had built for 5 years. well let me tell yeah, in my line of work (environmental) layoffs were typical. and i just couldn't do it anymore. it is very stressful wondering if you are going to have a job to go to the next day. i made a decision that i had made when i was 18 but to stupid to stick with it, so i realized how much nursing meant to me and i went back. I also think to make an 18 year old that has never had a real job go and decide what they want to do with the next 30-40 years. some people need longer to decide. surround yourself with the positive.
  13. by   LPN-n-2005
    Thanks for all of the encouragement. He has finally settled down after bringing it up night after night. We are doing a lot better financially that he realizes!!! I might be getting hired at a local hospital for a operator position. Keep ur fingers crossed! This could open up a lot of doors for me!
  14. by   blondebritbrat
    I totally understand what you guys mean. I was an overachiever in high school but several life changes happened to me in my last two years of high school my parents got divorced, it got so ugly that at one point I was going to have to testify against my father about some things. At that point my mom just gave in and settled for basically nothing since I was having such a hard time of it. My grades went down, I was asked to leave the dance team that I was on and had worked so hard to get on because of my grades. My confidence just went down totally to zero because I was so ashamed of my father doing what he had done (basically had multiple affairs then proceeded to get an STD and then lied about it. My mom finally figured it out!) And not to mention that my dad had no problem bringing around the young woman later on his second wife to my school functions which just made me very embarassed. She was young enough to be my older sister. Anyways long story short my dad got sick my senior year with a relapse of cancer and then three months after I graduated and was due to start college in a week he died. I had gotten close to him and had forgiven him for all the things he had done since he sincerely seemed to regret it. I became his primary care taker some days when I lived with him in the summer time. But then after he died I went into a huge depression that I am just now getting over due to a lot of medication problems and setbacks nearly two and half years later. I am now in the process of going back to school to become a nurse and so far my husband is very supportive but he kind of has the attitude when you actually apply and complete a semester I will believe that you mean what you say. I just got married too about 9 months ago and am dealing with the stress of trying to be the perfect wife and housekeeper and all of that. My mom is basically the same way and she has said are you sure this is what you want to do and has said comments like how are you going to pay for this since your husband barely makes enough to support you two and you don't even work. My mom is usually my biggest supporter and so it's kind of hard to listen to her saying stuff like that. People right now are asking her about me and asking if I am almost finished with college and she just tells them no and they are in shock. It really hurts my feelings when my mom tells me about these situations that she has encountered. So I am not feeling very confident right now but I am determined since I want to make something of myself and help people. The nurses that took care of my father in his last days at the hospital were a godsend. He sooo appreciated them and so did I. They were compassionate and very loving but at the same time professional. I admire them for what they were doing and hope someday to be doing it myself in about 4 or 5 years since I am applying to TWU in Denton since I grew up in the area. In other words don't give up guys!!! Believe in yourselves!! This website and forum has helped me so much in the past few days that I have discovered it! Thanks so much guys!!

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