How to deal with death of toddler death on picu.. - page 2

I am just wondering how the nurses that work on picu deal with a death or impending death of a toddler. 2 wks ago my 2 1/2 yr old son had gotten an ear infection and then 2 days later he had gotten... Read More

  1. by   P_RN
    nd deb, please accept my sincere condolences. I can't imagine the pain of losing your precious little one. You will be in my prayers for a long time.
  2. by   DDRN4me
    nd deb, my condolences on such a sudden and tragic loss. I have worked with several children who have died. most of whom had many physical and developmental disabilities. I deal with it by imagining them in Heaven, running and laughing and doing things that thier earthly bodies never allowed. Peace to you Mary
  3. by   vamedic4
    nd deb,
    My sentiments echo those of others here, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your child. God bless your little one.

    vamedic4
  4. by   mom23RN
    I am so very sorry about the death of your son. No words can describe how devastating it is to lose your child. It truly changes who you are as a person.

    I had been a nurse for just a couple of years (worked in a trauma center) when our first child was born with a congenital heart defect. When he was in the hospital I knew that's what I wanted to do. I was going to go work in teh PTCU and be such a lift to parents struggling with their own child's illness like we had. Then our son died when he was only 10 weeks old due to unforseen complications from the open heart surgery. I knew that, for me, it would be very hard to deal with all the "happy endings". Not that I would EVER wish what we had been through on anyone else, it just would be too hard for me to be positive.

    I did go back to work for 2 years until our rainbow baby was born. I have never gone back to work since (at least as a nurse) since then and she's 5 1/2 now.

    I think you'll know what you're ready for. You'll have some experience in teh NICU while in nursing school. thankfully that will be some time between now and then. Things do get easier with each passing day, week, month, and year.

    When I first went back to work my coworkers were so kind to me. They didn't give me critical kids for a long time. It was just too hard. Over time I finally was able to separate that part of my life from work. I knew that I had a job to do and falling apart in the middle of a code with a child wasn't going to help anyone, least of all my patient. But, that was a long time after.

    Please feel free to send me a private message if you would ever like to talk. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it must have been to have had him for 2 years and then he's gone. But... I don't know that there's ever a "right" time to go through what we have been through.

    Sending so many (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))
  5. by   Justhere
    I am sorry to hear about the death of your son. I've worked in private duty nursing and just lost the little boy I've taken care of for for 4 years full time and the last 2 when I could he passed at 8-18-06 around 6 pm. It was sudden and unexpected, not the way we figured he would go. Like one of the other nurses said, I am getting through it by imagining him able to walk, run, talk louder than a whisper, free of all his machines that tied him down in his earthly body for 10 years 10 months and 22 days. Now I have an angel in heaven looking down over me.

    If it was the right time for me I would take care of another child like him. Because even though my heart is breaking into, I had so many joyful moments with him.
  6. by   Testa Rosa, RN
    You are in my prayers tonight--I send love your way on the wings of your angel. While it cannot seem possible to you now in this moment; I promise you from experience that time will help. The day will come that you will smile more from the memories than cry from the pain of the loss. I too have experienced great loss; it is thru these experiences that have led me to the place where I want to be a nurse. I have a strong need to make usefull all that I've learned in grief and hardship. Now, with the gift of time, I can look back and reflect and see the beauty and joy even in those worst moments. I plan to take all I've learned and help others in their time of need, and thru this experience hopefully find some of my own healing. What ever road you decide to take, I send you prayers and blessings. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. I will share with you one of my deepest secrets on what has helped me deal: This may sound crazy to you, but I still talk to my loved ones. I carry on imaginary conversations with them in my head....whenever the breeze opens the door or I come across a favorite game, I'll just start talking and let my imagination go....and it has helped me through some of my worst days. I do it rarely now; but there was a time it was almost like nightly meditation for me. Life is for the living, and by focusing on my living family and on their day-to-day needs, I've taken one step at a time towards healing. May your journey take you to a place where you can find joy and hope again. Many Blessings in this difficult hour; I wish I could give you a hug, cook you a meal, hold your hand in prayer and just watch over you for awhile.
  7. by   perfectbluebuildings
    I am so sorry for your loss of your precious babe. You are in my deepest prayers and thoughts.
  8. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    I am so increibly sorry.. I am in tears after reading your post... please take care of yourself and know that our prayers and sympathies are uplifting you at this most difficult time imaginable... he will always be near you and will be waiting for you in heaven...
  9. by   dragonflyRN
    All my love and prayer's to you and your family.
  10. by   jenpicuRN
    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My nephew died at 3 weeks old about 4 and half years ago now, and it is still hard to cope with. Every person handles the death of a toddler differently. It's hard as an RN also because taking care of these children, you become very attached to them and their family. I could never imagine losing my own child and I am sorry you had to go through this tragic event.
  11. by   pcicurn7
    I'm so sorry about your son. It must be so incredibly difficult to deal with what you are going through.

    Although I have not yet graduated, I have worked in the pediatric cardiology field for almost 6 years. I will never forget my first funeral, it was of an 11 month old baby girl, who had not know what it was like to be free of tubes, wiring, or a decent supply of oxygen for all of her months of life. It affected me greatly, to see this child at the funeral home. However, it was at that point that i realized that, I did everything i could to comfort her and her family, anything from getting her to smile, to answering the same question for the upteenth time. For the short time that she was here, i felt like I made it just a little bit better.

    We cant control the outcomes, but we can try to focus on the positive side of things, even when the outcome is death. That child is no longer suffering. That child is in a better place, free of pain. You as a mom made your son's life a happy one. There is some comfort in the fact that his time spent here was spent knowing happiness and love. It sound kinda cheesy, but its true.

    I greatly suggest, if you havent already done so, to seek a parent bereavement group.
  12. by   Super RT
    I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss.

    I think the way I get through it is that while at work, I try not to linger in the room after the crisis and let the parents mourn. I go for a walk or try to busy myself with something else, even if it is punching holes in paper. I usually cry on the way home after my shift, hug my babies and have a glass of wine while I write about it in my journal. It is a way to release to sadness, knowing that I will always have a small piece of them with me. I try to also think about the child finally able to play, walk, etc free from pain, tubes, iv's and wires. For the kids that are chronic and seem to spend their whole lives with us, it usually works. I seem to have a harder time with the ones that were previosly healthy and are just suddenly gone.

    You have to come up with your own way of coping. It might mean a weekly meeting with your pastor, or a journal, but we all have to do something to release it.

    My advice, spend a little time in the area shadowing another nurse before you decide. That can give you insight into whether or not you can handle it or if it is right for you at this point in your life, before you are committed to working there.

    Good luck and god bless
  13. by   CRIMSON
    I am so very sorry for your loss. This is the one thing in life I feel I could not bear. My heart goes out to you.

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