Death of a child in the PICU

I was just wondering how all the PICU nurses out there deal with the death of a child?

I am a CNA and we recently lost a 3 year old boy. He had abdominal pain and threw up once. He was brought to the ER and coded in the parents car. By the time he arrived on our unit, he was already gone. He looked worse than any child I have yet to see, so pale and cold. Sadly, he was pronouced brain dead and the parents agreed to take him off of life support. Needless to say it was a rough day. Parents in and out all day. Friends, family, etc. It is the first time I have dealt with a death and I took it pretty hard. It took all my strength not to burst into tears in front of the family. It was so sudden, they arent even sure what killed him yet. I was in the room with mom and dad when we took his tubes and all out and was pronounced. Then we had to clean him up so that his older brother (only 5years old) could come see him and do other little things for memories. I about lost it when the brother came in. Of course, he does not understand that he will never see his brother again. But the thought of how strong the parents were to hold it together in front of him. They handled it so well. And now I keep thinking about what they are about to go though, with holidays and all coming up . I just don't understand why this happens to children, I know it is not right for me to question but I do. People say thing happen for a reason, I just wish sometime we knew the reason because sometimes it seems like no good comes out of these situations.

After everyone left, we were about to take him away but the grandmothers came back in and cried/screamed on his bed for about an hour. I will admit to going to the bathroom to let it all out. And in my car at the end of the shift. I know I will never get used to a child dying, but is it weird that I cared so much? I have cried periodically thoughout today when I am somehow reminded of her. I know it is important to keep work at work but the death of a child is so tough. I know that working in the PICU I will see it more than most (this is where I plan to work when I graduate) Just looking for advice, encouragement, your stories, etc. Don't know who else to talk to outside of work. Thanks in advance.