I'm posting because I've become rather frustrated with my PICU orientation experience thus far (interestingly enough, in a hospital where they talk about how great the orientation program is). I love the challenge of the PICU, I love the patient population, but my actual orientation and preceptor are making me dread coming to work each day. I understand that I will be flooded with information during this orientation, but the level of criticism that I get each shift has driven me to tears on one occasion and jacked up my anxiety level to an uncomfortable degree.
When I feel victorious for accomplishing a task independently, she ignores this and only criticizes something else I haven't perfected yet. In addition, I feel like she is micro-managing my orientation (which will be complete in a few weeks) and not giving me the space I need to learn. I'm her first orientee, so I'm trying my best to acknowledge that this is a learning experience for both of us, but I'm rapidly losing interest in a job that I was ridiculously excited to start. I often feel totally incompetent, and my confidence is shot.
My experience meeting with the nurse manager to discuss my progress left me wondering where to look for the support that I need, because we only discussed my inadequacies (based upon what my preceptor told her) and her desire to extend my orientation (which is a common occurrence, but sounded more like punishment or remediation for me not hitting my mark appropriately).
I know this may sound like whining, but I go into work each day struggling to keep it together and just learn so I can be a good nurse, because that's really all I want, but it almost feels like they're setting me up for failure or trying to break me. I always did well in clinicals in nursing school
, but I feel like I'm being eaten alive here.
I think it would really help me to hear other nurse's experiences in their own preceptorships... good or bad. Thanks!