Are the parent easy to deal with?

FutureNurse2B · Mar 4, 2011

I come across it somewhat often that parents will take their anger out on the nurses. I've had some pretty difficult parents and have even had one parent request for another nurse. I'll never forget that one haha. Not a great feeling to be fired by a patient but you learn to not take things so personal and just roll with the punches. More often times than not, the parent is simply upset with the decisions that the doctors are making and unfortunately, the nurses are the ones in the line of fire so we get all the blame for that.

On the brighter side, majority of the patients that I have delt with have had easy-going parents. Some very involved and some not involved at all to the point where they leave their screaming 2month old in the hospital alone :down:

October97 · Mar 7, 2011

In my neck of the woods it is about 50-50. Some parents are great, stay with their kids, take good care of them, easy going, ect. Others just leave their kids for us to take care of and go out on the town and we are their babysitting service. When they do show up it is almost inevitably when I haven't had a chance to get back to their baby's room to feed and change him and it is right at feeding time so he is screaming and diaper is soiled and the nonexistant parents want to bless me out because of this while meanwhile I have been dealing with someone else's left behind screaming baby and no carepartner to help. These are usually the moms who have their hair all done up, fingernails pink and green and 3 inches long, dressed in their club clothes and did I mention it's 0300 in the morning. Sorry to sound negative, but I'm just keeping it real. You will have all kinds of parents. You will have to bite your tongue so many times. I really enjoy taking care of children, but a lot of the time it would be better if the parents would just go away and let me take care of their kid and I will call you when it's over.

allnurses Guide · Mar 7, 2011

In my experience, very few of the parents were a**-holes, but that might be because that particular population included a lot of parents who never visited their child. That's the hospital. In homecare, I hear it more often but it's because you are in their domain, and they are taking care of their own chronically ill child and that is a gigantic stressor.

You should never allow yourself to be mistreated, just realize that the behavior you are calling ***-**** means they care about their child's care. Abandoned children tend to die more often. I don't have scientific proof of it, but I do think it's true.

umcRN, BSN, RN · Mar 7, 2011

In my experience, very few of the parents were a**-holes, but that might be because that particular population included a lot of parents who never visited their child. That's the hospital. In homecare, I hear it more often but it's because you are in their domain, and they are taking care of their own chronically ill child and that is a gigantic stressor.
You should never allow yourself to be mistreated, just realize that the behavior you are calling ***-**** means they care about their child's care. Abandoned children tend to die more often. I don't have scientific proof of it, but I do think it's true.

*sigh* in my short time nursing (1 1/2 years) in a nicu its the loved ones that die most often, and the ones with the crazy, drug addicted parents who do fabulous and have to go home with that :crying2:

As for the crazy parents, you have great ones and you have ones that make you want to pull your hair out, ones that "fire" you, ones that tell you that everything you are doing is wrong, and the parents in the next room will tell you that you are the best nurse they've ever had, it always varies

remoteareanurse, LPN, RN · Mar 16, 2011

I had such a chuckle reading the replies above.

Paeds can be really challenging, usually because of the parents, and its easy to become a bit jaded and cynical, as you can see from these very experienced paed nurses above. I'll just bet they're all fantastic nurses, and I equally bet they don't let that cynicism show at work (they're actually big soft marshmallows who will always go the extra mile for the kids and their patients.)

It is really easy to get offended/judgmental/frustrated with parents/caregivers. We are nursing them as much as we are the kids. Just step back from the situation and think about the following factors:

1. Just because you're an inexperienced/ineffective/inept parent doesn't mean you don't love your child.

2. The hardest job in the world is being a parent. The easiest thing in the world is to criticise someone else's parenting.

3. Anyone who has kids will tell you that there is nothing more scary than your child being sick or in pain. We'd all rather endure ten times more pain ourselves than have our kids suffer for even a second, and every parent's greatest fear is the loss of their child. So most challenging behaviours from parents come from fear. You can't remove that fear, but you can show them that they can trust you to be acting in their child's best interests and to involve them in all decisions and care.

4. The greatest honour any parent can do you is to entrust you with their child's welfare.

5. Kids are pretty adaptable, parents not so much. We're a bit set in our ways and views.

6. There are very few situations that are not improved by some humour. A big belly laugh is a huge stress reliever and goes a long way towards establishing liking and trust.

7. And the other big stress reliever is a big bawl. Unfortunately as parents we know that our kids will freak if they see us crying, so sometimes you need to facilitate a private, quiet, safe space and let them go for it.

8. You are meeting these parents at one of the most stressful times in their lives. Try to remember that. I would really hate to be judged by someone who had only met me when I was ranting with road rage in my car!

Hope this helps. Paeds is hugely rewarding, and although we often joke that it would be easy without the parents, the reality is that we have to deal with them and often whether they are a help or a hindrance comes down to how we do that. So make your life easier and do it well!