I am a neuro freak even before starting nursing school
. I knew I wanted to either go into psych or neuro. Between the two, I thout I wanted to do neuro.
I worked as a med aid in an alzheimers unit for 10 months and transferred to work as a pct in a rehab unit of a hospital. I float to affiliating hospitals often. After floating to a neuro icu, located at a different hospital, I got a chance from a kind (I think) nurse manager in a neuro icu to work there. She also told me about a nurse tech. position and told me to send in my grades. Until then, she told me I could work prn as a pct at night.
I was so happy at the chance, I told everyone I could. I was excited for days. On the first night at the neuro icu, I was placed to orientate with a pct. She was new and that night was only her 2nd night out of orientation. I thought she was nice. She tried to show me things but was also really confused and a little disorganized. I thought the nurses there were nice as well. I asked them a few questions, which I usually do regardless of where I am, and they didn't seem to mind. I also told them about hoping to get the open nurse tech. position here and that I am working prn as a pct here right now. I also said I would love to work in the neuro icu out of school but would not dare to unless I get experience as a nurse tech. here. At the end of the shift, the nurses were all busy with report and the pct told me it was nice to work with me and she hope to work with me again, but probably wont. Now I know why she said that.
Well, two days after my orientation, I emailed the nurse manager regarding my schedule and was told I could no longer work there. She told me that the nurses and the pct I orientated with told her I told them I was a nurse tech. and acted like pct duties were beneath me. The nurses also said I asked questions for most of the night. The pct told her that I left a patient during a bath and did not help clean the patient. She also said that I went off on road trips, she lost me a few times, I was not on track....
I felt really bad after reading that email. I was thankful that the manager was honest with me, but I really doubted myself after that. I was not aware I was like that and I began thinking that maybe I am a terrible pct and might be a terrible nurse. I thought about switching major. I confess to being super excited and very eager to learn as much as I can, even as an aide there. I tried my best to help out and even went down to an unfamiliar unit by myself to bring back a patient at the request of the pct. I helped turn patients and helped with baths. The only two times I left the room during a bath was at the request of the pct to get/replace laundry bags to get something out of the supply room. In regarding staying on track, I was really out of it at around 2 and 4 am for about 15-30 minutes each time. I drank coffee by the cups and that did not help. I was trying to stamp papers and began to stamping randomly so I told the pct I thought I needed to take a break to wake up. I guess I was not on track around those time, but I would think that is normal for any night shift newbie. Overall, I was so heartbroken after getting the email. A part of me is in fear that I am somehow in deep trouble and another part is hurt because I don't even recognize the picture that I am painted in (in the manager's mind).
I am a hard worker at work and at school and I do my best to represent my school and the unit I am from. I am starting my second semester in nursing school next week and am a fairly new pct, but I am not a liar nor do I consider any duties beneath me. I was so excited to work in the neuro icu, but now I am just confused. I refuse to let this experience get me down and I will try to learn from this. I told myself this at day one and kept reminding myself about every few hours after that. I still get this awful feeling that seems to wax and wane randomly, I guess that is why I am on ranting. I am hoping to feel better and to move on. I have been scared to float after that incidence and I don't know what to do if I see the manager of any of the people above. I don't know why I feel so scared to float, maybe I am just really doubting myself and protecting myself right now. For some reason, I think I feel like a villian because I might have done things really wrong, either that or I was falsely reported or a combination of both. Is it normal to feel this way? I am seeking advice of other pcts, or nurses who worked as a pct before or during nursing school. What are your thoughts? Please help. Feel free to share your experience too.