I'm skimming this post and had a few thoughts-
I started in a smaller/midsize hospital- it can be stressfull too. There a fewer procedures but being prepared to be on my own meant being prepared to take call independantly and some of the most important cases to get comfy with aren't done too often. I was expected to be ready to take call with a tech for "my" holiday, which happened to be 9 months after starting. Sounds like a long time, but...
Everyone says it will take 1 or even 2 years to really feel comfortable. That's full time.
I was really into orientation for the first 2 months, then hit a wall. My brain couldn't take any more new info and I was tired of always being ignorant. "dumb". Everyime I figured something out (or almost figured something out) it was on to the next new thing. Sometimes I was actually complimented- that's how my preceptor knew I was in that area too long, LOL
A great day was when our OR was short staffed one day. They asked if I would mind "working" instead of "orienting" that day. I was assigned to scrub a podiatry room. Easy peasy stuff but I really felt good after that. I knew something!
For one shift I was an OR nurse, not a student. I felt human again. Likewise covering an extra shift on my old unit was good for my spirit. Somewhere in this world you are an expert on something. Remember that! This will come too!
The wacky thing is that OR appeals to perfectionists, which makes orientation that much harder on ourselves. We don't forgive our mistakes as newbies, and as we get comfortable we find it hard to forgive others- residents, anesthesiologists, rad techs, co-workers of all levels, and new nurses. Sorry!
of course, some of us do mean it more personally than others but that's another thread...