Overwhelming job! Oh my gosh!

Well, I've read some of the threads here, and I can relate to many of them!

I have been an RN in the OR since April. It's a 14-room OR, and it's very busy. The thing is, I like to work of the OR, but I feel like a complete moron most of the day! LOL! I mean, I have worked in several different jobs -- from television production, to teaching high school, to a statewide public relations office... and I have NEVER had a job make me feel like such an idiot as the OR does! I do like the "work" of the OR, and I love patients, but I am completely overwhelmed with the learning curve... "where" things are... the different (and sometimes scary) personalities of the docs (AND some of the other coworkers, for that matter!!).

Anyway, I am about to be off orientation (which I think is crazy ... we only get a 12-week orientation!!)... and I cannot believe I am about to be thrown in a room ... ALONE... !!! I do feel that I have improved week-to-week, but I feel I am still pretty weak in the area of knowing "where" everything is, you know? Seriously, if I knew WHERE everything was and WHAT things looked like, etc., I think I'd be sailing pretty smoothly. I just wonder when this'll ever happen... or if it'll happen.

I also feel overwhelmed with being thrown into so many different types of cases... one day in "general"... the next in a total knee... the next in a CABG... and then the next in a LAVH... it's like spinning in circles to me.

And, I don't know if all OR's are like this... but there's so much gossip and mean spirits up there in the OR, I just can't believe it. I know I cannot work with most of those people for more than a year or two. It's like "General Hospital"... tons of drama and people calling other people horrible names behind their back. And I overhear people saying that so-and-so is "an idiot"... so I'm sure I am called that and probably worse behind my back. I can't stand drama!

Anyway, I am thinking I want to gain some experience in this OR (as painful as it may be for a while)... and then move on to a smaller place, maybe an outpatient place with more family-friendly hours... So I am hanging on and praying all the time.

Does anyone have any advice? I am starting to have knots in my stomach concerning my job, and I don't want to live that way. I like the OR and the patients, but I am generally scared each day and also aggravated with the gossip and drama. And on top of that is the fear of failure there. A girl I graduated with was recently fired because they said she just couldn't "get it" and the OR just "wasn't for her." That is so scary to me!

Any words of wisdom are welcome. Thanks.

Allie