New and tired

Thank you all for such kind replies. I've been reading the First Year Nursing board and if anything it just makes me feel like I've got nothing to complain about. I knew that going to the OR was the right decision, I think I just underestimated how such a different schedule would be for me. I needed to whine and I can't whine at work, my personal friends are sympathetic but they just think I'm nuts and the husband gets enough second hand stress!

Thanks for the validation. I especially like the drinking from a firehose thing.

I would be grateful for any tips you all think might be useful.

Thanks!

Assuming that I get through the orientation, a different schedule is possible and believe me, I am counting down the days. Like I said, I feel like a jerk. This is a really great hospital, and most people are nice and supportive. I am being a whiner here. It's just that I am scared most of the time, and if I am not scared I'm on break wondering if the end of the day is ever going to arrive.

Even though I tell myself to not get rattled and try to rush, I find myself rushing to hand something and then I either drop something or narrowly avoid sticking myself. I am a one woman environmental menace with all of the supplies that I have dropped. I get obsessed with sterility, second guessing when I KNOW that I didn't breach and it all just exhausts me mentally. I double glove not only because it's safe, but also because I found myself questioning breaches so often it was just easier to doff the glove than torture myself.

I have stuck myself more than once with needles or lap hooks, not to pierce the glove, but they scare me all the same. Then I waste the suture, just in case I did stick myself. . . See, I'm pathetic.

Any advice on staying safe while scrubbing? Or circulating for that matter.

On the plus side, I take criticism well. It really isn't other people messing with me. It's me. Same dumb story. Straight A's in school, successful previous career, now ongoing trainwreck. I LIKE the OR, I like the work. I wish that I could hit all of the marks all of the time, but I'm not even really afraid to be alone, in fact, my favorite configuration is to scrub by myself with a strong person circulating, that way if I get into trouble they can tell me what to do, but otherwise I have to troubleshoot myself. The same works for circulating. If I am co-circulated I get depressed, because there's always something that I'm caught forgetting, and I can't self correct in time. Then I feel like an idiot.

And she's whining again. Sigh.


Thanks for all the kind advice, I am trying to heed you.