I am writing as essay for "why I want to work in the OR." there is a paragraph about the first surgery I saw, a CABG. I just want some feedback on it, please! Is it clear, well paced, correct, etc?
"The event that made me want to work OR was the first CABG surgery that I saw in clinical, I realized the complexity and elegance of surgery and knew it was something I wished to be involved in. The patient was a 51-year-old male who required a triple bypass. The surgeon performed a medial sternotomy and opened the thoracic cavity with a sternal retractor. After the pericardium was incised, the beating heart was visualized. The surgeon proceeded to dissect the Left Inferior Thoracic Artery free from the retresternal bed, so it (along with the Great Saphenous Vein) could later serve as the new bypass. The Cardiopulmonary Bypass (CPB) machine was circuited to the patient's inferior vena cavae and aorta to keep the heart still and also to induce mild hypothermia during the surgery. After, the surgeon anastmosed the damaged coronary arteries to the harvested conduits, using the parachute suturing technique. After it was confirmed that the new grafts were secured and patent, the body was re-warmed, and the CBP was weaned from the patient. The cross clamp was removed from the aorta and the heart spontaneously converted to sinus rhythm. No defibrillation or epicardial pacing wires were necessary. The surgery was a success."