Thank you antidote for your response. I had spoken to the nurse educator as well as my manager. My manager was supportive of me in that she told me I was a good nurse and raise my self esteem somewhat. I am a new nurse and I was very new at OR. My nurse educator however was not all that supportive. I was told that is how OR nurses teach, and thats how they all learnt. I told her it was not how I learned. I learned more effectively when I was not stressed out, and when I had support as opposed to fear instilled in me. She gossiped a lot and was quite arrogant in some ways. I did not feel discussing things with her anymore, but I always stood my ground and made it clear that I was capable of learning in a different environment. I proved it when I was given chances to learn from other nurses who were more supportive and more patient in their teaching manners. I picked up much more quickly, yet I still didn't feel as if the educator was very supportive of my learning needs (a non hostile learning environment).
After my orientation was finished I started to lose my temper, and not during, but after surgeries I "discuss" things that bothered me. For instance, not f eeling like part of the team, because nobody asked me or had communicated who would scrub and who would circulate. I was told I was being too sensitive. I was later reported to, and although my manager was quite understanding she didnt really offer any suggestions for solutions. I told her she needed to tell the nurse that was not acceptable, but she just went off in a different direction. Now there is a new Manager, and I have been off for some time for medical reasons. I am looking forward to going back to work (I really do love my job), but dreading seeing everyone, and not optomistic about how the new manager will treat me (I'm sure I've been gossiped about). I heard in bigger hospitals there is more work and learning and less gossiping and less cliquiness. Also you tend to work in two or three areas mainly instead of being all over the place. I heard that helps with the learning process.
I'm very confused. I'm thinking maybe its the hospital, maybe its me.
I feel bad btw when I get angry, I feel as if everyone thinks I've lost my marbles. I don't know what else to do however. I'm tired of being a scapegoat.
Quote from antidote
Seems like the hospital you're working in are filled with those "ugly putty" scrub nurses as I like to call them. I think they should make an entire Anatomy course for these "type of people" since their just so miserable to be around!
I know that it would be "totally against hospital rules" but maybe you just need to show these people the type of person you really are! Stand up for yourself (even right in the middle of the surgery if need be) and let them know that you are human too, and you don't deserve to be treated like dirt! Your job is just as important as their job is and if you were too treat them like they treat you they certainly wouldn't like it!
Let me tell you, I've had my share of these people as well (not in the OR though since I'm not a scrub nurse and don't plan to be). I've had to stand up for myself to other nurses, doctors and even patients and understand how emotional you can get! It really makes you feel bad and useless... I know. Just don't put up with it! Put your foot down and tell them your you and you do not deserve to be treated like that... you deserve better (seriously, seriously... seriously -partial statement from Greys Anatomy but true!)