Losing patients =(

Jan 02, 2009 06:38 PM

by BrandyL1193

I have been an oncology nurse for going on 5 years now. Today leaving the floor I saw family members of someone who I had taken care of several times over the past few weeks. Stage IV breast ca. They told me she was really doing poorly and that she is now in the ICU. I am just so sad and tired of seeing these wonderful people losing their battles with cancer. I cried and hugged her family members. I sat there with them listening to their concerns and fears for thirty minutes past my shift..... I feel helpless and can do nothing to help. I reached my car and LOST it! I hate feeling this way. I love my job and the patients but I really do not know how much more emotionally I can take. I truly try to bond with each one of my patients. And there are names that I will NEVER forget, because, well you know, some of them just truly put a stamp on your own life. I am just sick to death over this one. My heart is breaking and I can't really discuss it with anyone. For those who have been doing this much longer than myself, How do you separate this part of your life with your work life...or do you?? I tend to bring it home with me... When a family member says, "I don't know how you do this job" I tend to reply, because I hope I can make a differnce in their lives when things aren't going so well. I just honestly don't know if I can emotionally do this the rest of my life =( Anyone else feel this way?? and what do you do about it? Thanks

schlemj · Jan 02, 2009, 08:08 PM

Re: Losing patients =(

I have been an oncology nurse for 18 years inpatient and now outpatient. I think it is one of the fields of nursing that we can't hlep but become emotionally involved as well as professionally. Our patients become part of our lives in sense as it is a specialty that we see them and their loved ones on a regular basis. We laugh with them, take care of them, treat them, and say good bye to them. I have so many patients that I remember and will never forget, some I still cry for. I take comfort in knowing that the ones we could not cure I have to believe we made a difference. In the care we provided as the bond that we made, the journey was going to happen but I hope that as a nurse I provided the care that was needed. It sounds to me that you are the kind of nurse that is an asset to the field, spending time with that family and feeling the way that you do, that is a true onc nurse. But don't get burnt out, it's ok to try other things, i did some school nursing for two years but I am bsck in hem/onc. Some how I believe we have the best patients on earth and you sound like a super nurse. I hope you know that support and care you give to your patients and their families is a huge comfort to them and it is something that they will never forget, it does help.

*athena55* · Jan 02, 2009, 11:51 PM

Re: Losing patients =(

I also worked oncology critical care for 18 years and it was the hardest thing I had ever done as a professional nurse. Oftentimes our patients didn't resemble human beings, they were so distorted from third spacing, various surgeries, the chemo etc. And we would bond, not so much with the patient as we did with the family members. The survivors.
How many times did I lose it? LOTS, especially when, after the death of my patient, the family would come to me and hug me! And thank me!! Oh, the tears would flow and I'm thinking to myself, "these people are comforting me"
You know what? You ARE making a difference. Any time you hold a hand, comfort a person, give a smile or a wink, cry with someone, laugh with everyone....You ARE making a difference. Every time you start an IV, give an IVPB, remove a bedpan, make the bed, wash the patient, talk to the family members...You ARE making a difference. Every time you advocate for your patient or their family (or yourself) You ARE making a difference.
Maybe one day you will leave oncology nursing, for a while or forever. But know that, however long you were at that bedside, you made a difference.
Hugs to you,
athena

shanna1369 · Feb 26, 2009, 01:49 PM

Re: Losing patients =(

I have just read your original post. I too have been an oncology nurse for about 5 years. I am our only radiation nurse for two of our clinics and do chemo therapy. This week the struggles of my patients and their families (including 2 deaths) has gotten me down. Thankfully tomorrow I can take the day off to decompress. I'm reminding myself that I need to get reinvolved in my hobbies and remember to breathe.

What do others do to destress after a particularly hard day?
Thanks

bethchpn · Feb 28, 2009, 10:38 PM

Re: Losing patients =(

I have several hobbies that help me but I think yoga helps me with my work the most. I have done oncology for 5 yrs and hospice the 5 yrs before that. I have done yoga for 3 yrs and am so happy I found it. It helps me both physically and emotionally. I also feel better because I usually dedicate my yoga practice to a different patient every time I do it.
When I did hospice I went to memorial services off and on and I cried a lot. I know it was usually a cumulative grieving but it worked for me. I feel chemo is nice because we do see people survive to finish more of their life business. We are helping in many ways. Dying isnt always so bad. Our job is to get them ready for it. We all will die some day and I hope someone helps me just as I do others.

SarahBeth · Mar 02, 2009, 08:47 PM

Re: Losing patients =(

You have to remember that you cannot change the outcome for these patients. Most of them are going to die, if not now then within five years. You make sure they don't die alone, that they have someone there who genuinely cares. You're giving them an ear to listen and a hand to hold. You help ease their fears and provide compassion. You help them live with their illness and you allow them to just be without the stigma of cancer attached, if only for a moment, by making them laugh and embracing their individuality. Often you are the last face they see before they pass on...you are the caretaker, the comforter, the one who eases their pain in those final moments. Sometimes you're all they have. You cannot change the fact that these patients pass away, but you make all the difference in the world in those final days, weeks, and months. On your worst day, never forget that. It is the reason you chose to enter this field.

mama_d · Mar 03, 2009, 01:01 AM

Re: Losing patients =(

When our floor first became the official oncology floor at our facility, I wasn't sure that I'd be able to handle it. It's been several years now, and although some days are hard, I try to focus on the fact that we're there for the patient to make their time that's left as good as we can. My poor husband hears a lot about my patients that are finally at the end, it helps to have someone to just talk to (okay, really talk at) about it. And it's not unusual at work for us to talk about patients that we've had who have passed, even when it happened a while ago. I'm not sure, but I think I may be in this area for a long time; even though it was quite an adjustment at first, I take special pride now in being able to say that I'm an oncology nurse.

We had a patient that we were all very close to pass just over a year ago. It happened to coincide with a night out for some of the staff...although it was probably somewhat inappropriate, we drank several rounds to her memory. She was quite the spitfire and had some wild tales about her youth, on top of having a wicked sense of humor, and I think she would have gotten a chuckle out of her nurses doing toasts to her memory and sharing stories she had told us and reminiscing about things she had said or done. She had complained that her family was going to make her wake and funeral all about the sad stuff and nothing about the fun stuff she had done.

I'm not recommending going out and getting sloshed every time someone dies by any means

But it was a great way for us to decompress for that one particular patient.

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Losing patients =(

Losing patients =(

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