Would someone mind proofreading my cover letter? Any suggestions welcome!

  1. 1
    Here is what I have so far. It has taken me weeks, but I finally feel like it's finished. Any suggestions are welcome! Thanks so much for your time


    March 27th, 2013
    Ms.*******
    Unit Director
    ********City Hospital
    *********St
    state******

    Dear Ms. ******:

    I am writing to introduce myself at the suggestion of **** *****, RN, BSN (MICU/CCU) who supervised my work as a student during clinical nursing experiences. I will be graduating from the registered nursing program at***** State College in May 2013 and desire to begin my nursing career with *********City Hospital.

    As indicated in my enclosed resume I have spent time at ***** City Hospital during my clinical experiences on the labor and delivery/postpartum floors. Through these experiences, I was very impressed with the staff’s willingness to teach and guide me as a student and the excellent quality of patient care that is provided. I absorbed a wealth of knowledge in the time I spent there and knew that this would be somewhere I would be privileged to work. My goal is to begin my nursing career with ********City Hospital as this hospital offers the opportunity for me to further develop my knowledge and skills and grow as a professional nurse allowing me to bring a positive impact to the client, facility and the community.

    I will bring ******* City Hospital a strong passion for maternity care and women’s health, as well as leadership and organization skills gained through my previous career and clinical experiences. I pride myself in staying organized and on my ability to prioritize and manage multiple tasks while always maintaining patient safety. Previous instructors have commented on my ability to establish a professional and compassionate relationship with my patients. I feel that this is an integral quality for a nurse to possess as it maintains trust and confidence between the patient and the nurse. It is of upmost importance to me to always be an advocate for my patient and to ensure they have an optimal experience.

    I have continued to stay up to date with ******* City Hospital and am very excited to see the many advances they are making to further improve their patient care and safety to both mother and baby. This is why I would be delighted to begin my career with *****City Hospital and look forward to hearing from you in regard to available opportunities. You can reach me at ***.***.**** or *****@edu.

    Sincerely,
    S. C.

    Enclosure
    Last edit by Esme12 on Mar 28, '13 : Reason: TOS/facility/staff names
    WannaBNursey likes this.

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  2. 0
    Seems good!
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    " I absorbed a wealth of knowledge in the time I spent there and knew that this would be somewhere I would be privileged to work. My goal is to begin my nursing career with ********City Hospital as this hospital offers the opportunity for me to further develop my knowledge and skills and grow as a professional nurse allowing me to bring a positive impact to the client, facility and the community. "

    this is a little awkward... try rewording it a bit. Something like:

    I am grateful for the wealth of knowledge I gained from my experience at hospital. My goals are to further my knowledge and skills, grow as a professional nurse, and bring a positive impact to the client, facility and community. I would be privileged <honored?> to begin my career with hospital.

    "I pride myself in staying organized and on my ability to prioritize and manage multiple tasks while always maintaining patient safety"

    on should be "in"

    "This is why I would be delighted to begin my career with *****City Hospital and look forward to hearing from you in regard to available opportunities. You can reach me at ***.***.**** or *****@edu. "

    in regard should be regarding. "I can be reached at phone or email". Not crazy about the first sentence... Maybe change it to "I would be delighted to hear from you regarding available opportunities at hospital." You're overusing the "begin my career" bit.

    It's a good letter, as is. I'm just nit-picking. It's important to keep it in your voice. It definitely comes across that you are invested in their organization and would be a loyal employee. I don't know your resume, but if you have anything at all related, you should mention your previous work. Like "my previous work as a ____ strengthened my leadership and organizational skills ."
    loveandnyc likes this.
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    Cover letters should be concise. Aim to deliver your message within 3 paragraphs:

    Introduction

    Body (how do their values align with your experience?)

    Closing Paragraph
  5. 1
    Cover letters are meant to market you, so be sure to use buzz words that I am sure you are familiar with, and that you do possess knowledge of. Read the mission statement of the hospital, and tie it in with your goal--indicate in paragraph 1.
    A couple of phrases that I am familiar with are "evidence based practice" and "patient and family centered care" --note in paragraph 2.
    I would also perhaps mention that you (if you are) hoping to get your lactation consultant certification, long term goal of maternal nursing certification.--in paragraph 3
    I would also use "clinical nurse rotations" as opposed to "experiences". You may want to elaborate a tad (just a tad) on specifics (I was given a patient assignment of 2, and was able to successfully perform xyz....)

    The suggestion of the RN whom you note--be sure to ask for a reference from her. This could also work to your advantage. I would also be sure to note in paragraph 1: I have strong community roots, and am settled in this community for the long term--something to that nature.
    Your goal is to set yourself apart from other applicants, to attempt to establish that you are looking for a career and not a stepping stone to another hospital, and that you are willing to go the extra mile to become certified, and that your goals are in line with the hospital's mission statement.
    Best of luck!
    NRSKarenRN likes this.
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    Thank you all! This really helps me. I am thinking of changing the opening sentence to " I am writing to introduce myself as a potential candidate for employment at ____ Hospital" and taking out the nurses name alltogether. Any thoughts? Although the nurse I was using gave me permission and is an excellent nurse, she is an ICU nurse so I feel like it doesn't fit. The nurse who I worked under in OB and wanted to use isn't returning any of messages so I'm thinking about just taking that whole part out.
  7. 0
    Then I would take the whole "nurse so and so" out of the mix. Although if asked in an interview where you had clinical rotations, then I would mention working under her direction.
    If the manager in OB would like you to have alternate experience, be sure to make an appointment with her to discuss a goal and timeline, get some good med surg experience if you need to, all the while working on your lactation consultant and/or doula or midwife certifications.


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