The other day we had a diabetic full-term patient being induced on cervidil. Without any real warning, she had a spontaneous fetal demise. The baby was on the monitor and then it wasn't.... The nurse of course assumed it was just signal loss, so she kept searching, asked other nurses and residents for help, and by the time they figured out that the heart rate was just no longer there and took her back for a stat c-section, it was too late....
I was her nurse on the next shift (about 2 hours post-op).
It was the most intense day I've ever had at work.
She kept the baby in her room with her for 7 hours of my shift. The baby was purple and mottled and cold but she still thought it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen and kept hugging and kissing it.
She had about 10 family members in there, all crying, all day....
When my manager and I went in to tell her that we'd have to take the baby to the morgue soon, 10 people starting sobbing and wailing at once.
We had to undress the baby (she had dressed it in her own outfit), and shroud the baby to send it to the morgue.
This was so different than any other fetal demise I've ever had.
First of all, it happened on OUR watch. (not before the pt was admitted).
Second of all, it wasn't a little 24 week fetus. It was a full term 11 pound baby. It was my first real contact with a dead body that felt like a person.
And I've also never had a fetal demise for that long. Because of the special circumstances, we let her stay on our unit and keep the baby with her for a VERY long time.
I was surprisingly not very emotional during the actual shift, but today I've been very depressed and have spontaneously cried a few times thinking about.
It's also one of those days where I feel like maybe I'm not cut out for L&D.
I started fantasizing about working in a pediatrician's office or somewhere that babies don't die....
All I know is I can't handle the emotional rollercoaster of L&D forever....