Who has a funny delivery story???

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    I was wondering if any of you would like to share funny delivery stories...For instance, I had a patient who was wonderfl and relaxed between contractions, but who would grab me by the shirt while having one and more often than not, spit ice down the front of my shirt. By the end of her labor it was a mix of laughter and trying to time it so I could get out of the way...Halfway througj (pre epidural days for our hospital, by the way), she screamed and grabbed me to ask if Lamaze was a guy. I didn't know and said so, which was a good thing because the next scream included the information that if he was a guy and was there that very moment, she would personally kill him! When I was a newer night delivery nurse, I was the subject of a hospital wide April Fools prank...We had cleared out delivery and went to the nursery to help them out and hang out until our next round of patients came in. (back in the days and nights of adequate staffing...sigh...) I was sitting in the nursery when the senior delivery nurse told me she was going to visit her friend, the charge nurse on pedi. Ok, I said...Not 3 minutes later , the RN at the post partum desk answered the phone and calmly (which raised a brief eyebrow), told me the ER had a patient who was delivering and I needed to go. Shocked I yelled that she should go and she (again, calmly) told me she would call my other delivery person and have her meet me in the ER....I decided to grab some gloves and a fetone and get going. After all, there would be an ER doc there, how bad could it be? I raced down three flights and way too late as I ran into the ER , noticed that it was much too calm..APRIL FOOLS they all screamed. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. They felt so badly for me that they offered to help me reciprocate...To this day, 13 years later, the delivery nurse who orchestrated the whole thing, has never put herself on April Fools......
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    Cheech, NO one has a funny story???Who knew?
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    I don't know if this qualifies, but some time ago, I had identical twins in labor, by the same guy...I didn't think it was funny at the time....One delivered vaginally , and one delivered by c/s. Both were wild patients in labor...I must admit that myself and the other delivery nurse, who had to deal with several other patients that shift, went out for drinks after work.......
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    We had a mom just a while back that came in nearly complete. during her intake seh admitted to having just done meth right before coming in. As the nurse went to break the bed sown and set up the pedals they made this clicking sound, click...click...click...click.
    She came straight up out of the bed mid-contraction eys wide open and asked...Did you just handcuff me?!?!?!!?!?
    Obviously this was a familiar sound to her?
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    Loved that one! I just had a physicist (sp) who was attempting to explain to me how she could prove hammerhead sharks were psychic (don't ask; suffice it to say it has something to do with the hammer), to the theory that people are not actually fat since the human body can't get hot enough to burn a calorie...Rather, it supposedly has something to do with hyperinsulinemia, etc....BUT, after all that and a lesson on micro/macrobiology that was completely over my head, she did ring to ask if it was ok to put the head of the bed up so she could cough....She told me she has 2 questions she poses to any new doctor she is considering seeing...Not for the answers, but for the reaction to the question..
    Question number one is where they went to school and question number two is what number in the class did they graduate. If they balk at either question, especially the second one, she walks out on the spot...Oh, to be so confident. Thanks for sharing!
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    This one's not really funny b/c it hurt but others think it was.
    At this hospital we worked at, anesthesia's "policy" was that we had to assist in positioning the pt. to the point of physically placing our arm around their neck to prevent them from sitting up straight during the epidural. We also had to have a clean strip with the FHT's. So with one arm around the back of her neck and the other underneath her belly to get FHTs in this position, I stood. This pt. BTW was also a LPN from a nursing home and was bawling her face off b/c she was afraid of needles and the labour. She was a very tall and big woman too. Me being 4'11" and chunky. Anyways, I stood there barely making it around her neck since the bed also has to be at the right level for the anesthesiologist. Oh, have to add (and this might give away the funny part, I was also a nursing mommy). As the doc was beginning to numb up her back, She screamed and thankfully didn't move but her hand. SHE GRABBED MY NIPPLE RIGHT AT THE EDGE AND WAS SQUEEZING SOOOOOOO HARD! It took me by surprise that I had trouble trying to tell her to let go and keep myself from running away from her.
    I can still feel the pinch and I still get tears in eyes whenever I remember. But this time from laughing too hard.

    Leilani
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    Leilani,

    Funny, but agreably painful one! I had a similar experience a few weeks ago. We did a c/s and the pt. was had to go under general. After the section anesthesia was taking her out of general but she still had the tube in. I was assisting by holding her arms and hands so that she wouldn't yank the tube out. Well I was at the side of the table facing her, her one arm was tucked under my arm and I was holding the other with my hand trying not to disturb the IV. Well this whole time she had the one hand that was tucked under my arm on my breast...as she was coming out she kept squeezing my boob, for like 5 minutes! Anesthesia kept saying to me that's good, good job, etc.... No one realized what was happening except for me...I had to giggle. This was an interesting situation with anesthesia cheering me on! Later I told the RNs what was going on the whole time, they couldn't help but crack up laughing. One said she couldn't figure out why I had a funny look on my face and kept giggling.

    I still crack up thinking about it...

    Nicole
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    Those stories are SO funny because they are SO believable...Sometimes I think we have to be contortionists to work in labor and delivery! Although no one in delivery (to date, that is), has grabbed my boobs, I have had at LEAST 2 patients grab the stethescope around my neck and squeeze. On one occasion we were in the delivery room and the doc insisted the pt let go of the nurse(me) or he was leaving the room! (I'm wondering how long I have in my hypoxic state and HE hasn't figured out that he should assist and help me out...) Great stories and they WERE funny. Never was truly injured until I landed in delivery. Since then I have been beaten and stabbed by patients ( when you are new NEVER do a fundal check on a fresh section who has a nail file in the other hand). I still have that mark on my arm...Ahh, and maternity is SUCH a cheerful place!
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    OK, so this may be more gross than funny (at least it was for me). I had a pt that came in for a cervidil induction so she had a very unfavorable cervix. It was very high and very posterior and she was very obese. I had checked her once when I placed the cervidil and her cervix was thick and closed. At this time, her SO was not in the room. A little later that night, she had gotten up to the BR and thought that the cervidil had slipped so, I checked her again. This time, the SO was at the bedside and was trying to comfort her because she hated to be checked and did not tolerate it well at all (screaming at the top of her lungs, vice grip legs, climbing the bed, you know the story). Well, in the middle of the exam, I noticed that the screaming stopped and she stopped moving away from me. I looked up to make sure she was still conscious and what did I see? She and her SO were making out like there was no tomorrow. Needless to say, that exam ended right there. I was so grossed out!!!!!
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    I was holding up a pt's leg as she was pushing in a side lying position, when she suddenly swung that leg up and behind my neck. I nearly got MUCH too close of a view of the situation before the midwife could stop laughing enough to rescue me!


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