Unfair treatment by co-workers/boss

[MultipNP]

I am sure I'm not the only one experiencing this -- but I'm kind of in a bad situation. This will be long, so I'm sorry in advance!

I am the breadwinner for my family, and have young children. There is already quite a bit of pressure on me. I am working in a birth center -- which is exactly where I want to be. I became a nurse just so I could do labor.

I was hired at this place over 2 years ago as a labor nurse. I had previous labor experience from other hospitals and some med-surg experience on top of that. In this particular unit (LDRP combined), nurses start out in PP/Nsy, then are oriented to labor after several months. Unfortunately, our unit is very "clicky". It's like being back in high school. :-( At the time, though, things were just fine and I got along well with everyone.

Just before I was to begin my L/D orientation, I found out I was pregnant (surprise). Since I started showing really early, I had to break the news to my boss. She suggested perhaps I should wait to do the L/D orientation after I delivered so I could be as stress-free as possible while pregnant, and that I'd be more fresh off orientation as soon as I got back from my leave. Since I have a history of complicated pregnancies, this seemed like a really good idea.

Well, of course, this pregnancy turned out to be the most difficult I've experienced (started contracting at 27 weeks, severe poly, labile BP's, macrosomia), and I couldn't stop working because I am the only one bringing in income in our house. My doctor agreed that I could still work, but wanted me to be careful. My co-workers seem to have a disdain for pregnant women (isn't that a hoot?!?), often calling them "whiny". Many of these nurses are not yet mothers, and are clueless as to the difficulties of pregnancy -- let alone a high-risk situation like mine. See where this is going? I was mistreated, dumped on (given assignments like 400-lb post-ops who couldn't move so had to be moved), and often refused help when I asked for it. My doctor was aware of how rough things were, so told me to stay home several times when he felt it was dangerous for me to work. In those cases, he faxed a note to my boss saying he wanted me NOT to work.

Anyway, I had to leave a little early for my maternity leave, and then had to deliver early because the baby was showing signs of distress. I had a very difficult delivery (18-hour labor, asynclitic pres., shoulder dystocia, hemorrhage, baby was sent straight to NICU, etc.). Just a few hours after delivering, in walked my manager with some papers in her hands. "It's time for you to do your eval -- and you have to do it now." (WHAT?!?) I'm not kidding. Not only this -- she had walked in the room for no good reason a few hours earlier while I was in stirrups. It's bad enough to be this vulnerable around the co-workers who have to be there. But this was just downright wrong. Who wants their boss in the room when they're trying to push a baby out? I was livid. Of course, knowing how things can be, I didn't fuss. I just did the eval (even though I can't even remember what I wrote because I was on Percocet and completely worn out).

Fast forward... My first day back, my boss handed me a "disciplinary action form" to sign because of the times I'd had to call out per my doctor's orders. She said, "The new rule is that doctor's excuses don't count anymore." Again -- WHAT?!?

Next, I noticed that I wasn't scheduled to start L/D orientation. Hmmm.... So I asked my boss about it. "Oh, I forgot all about that! We'll get right on it." That was over a year ago. After repeatedly asking and being given the same bull, I have watched brand new nurses come in and go straight to labor, new grads, etc. All the while, I have been asking, and being told, "your turn will come." I don't think it ever will.

I finally asked a nurse (one I know I can trust) just recently if she knew anything was being said about me at all. She indicated that she knew that a couple folks on the day shift (I work nights) decided they didn't like me, and unfortunately those are the folks who are close to my boss. So I know it's not going to happen now (even though I am still being told repeatedly, "I haven't forgotten you -- we'll get to it!").

I am seriously considering speaking with a lawyer. A friend of mine who is a JD is looking into researching the types of problems I've had at work and seeing if she can find just the right lawyer for me in our area.

I work VERY hard, and know that if I weren't meticulous with my charting and caring for patients as well as I do (my patients consistently ask if I'll be back and if I can be their nurse again), I'd probably be out of a job as I'm sure my co-workers who don't like me (it's not all of them -- just a few certain ones) would love to have a real reason to get rid of me.

I am very down about this -- and frustrated. There aren't a ton of hospitals in my area, and I really want to work OB. The OB jobs are harder to come by, too. Sigh....

Any other ideas? Thanks for hearing me out!

[bestbabynurse]

Well, I'm not a lawyer, but I can say that it is obvious to everyone reading your thread that you have been mistreated by your employer. As to how many laws were broken, I don't know. But you can do your homework, while at the same time 'keep crossing your t's and dotting your i's' in the area you are working in now. So if and when you do decide to go elsewhere, it will be on your terms. Something else to consider is what period of time your disciplinary action covers. That may have some restrictions with it, such as when you can change departments, ect.

I agree with those that have said don't push for making a move to L&D right now as you can use some routine in the workplace now to enjoy your family. I hope things change for the better for you. Who knows, your manager can take a job elsewhere and the dynamics of the whole department can change for the better. Be patient.

[MultipNP, BSN, MSN, APRN, NP]

I have decided to not push for L/D anymore. Thanks for all the good advice! I'm just going to go to work, enjoy the patients I'm taking care of, and focus on my family. We are thinking about moving at some point anyway, so I can start fresh then. :-)

[caliotter3]

Sounds like a wise decision to me. Based on one of your previous posts, let's hope that you are no longer a target and that you can depart under neutral, if not favorable, terms.

[RN1982]

That really is inexcusable. You should have told her to leave in both instances. She was wrong and she knows it. How dare she abuse her position. I would report these things to HR at once. It could help save someone else in the future.

I'd start looking as well. This isn't going to end on a good note. The writing is on the wall. In the interim be the best nurse you can, document away, and keep plugging away.

If it was me, I would have cussed her out. Hey, I'm not at work and as far as I'm concerned I don't need to be professional after I have just pushed a baby out of my lady parts.

Can it not also be a HIPPA violation? She had no business going in your room, she had no medical reason to go in there right? She wasn't involved in your care. But she was the manager of the unit, so I don't know.... maybe not. Other's thoughts on this???

I'm not sure. I think it could be possibly. Either way, if she walked in on me with my legs in stirrups, I might need to be restrained. That kind of behaviour as stated by Batman is inexcusable. It's a private moment between the OP, the baby and her husband. She should not have went in to the OPs room without expressed permission too. And just because she works at the hospital does not give her the right to either. That is why I would NEVER have my baby at the same hospital where I work.

[MultipNP, BSN, MSN, APRN, NP]

Unfortunately, I had no choice as to where I would deliver (unless I wanted to fork out a BUNCH of $$$).

Thankfully, my husband will be taking over the breadwinning in the summer, and we'll be on his insurance. So any further needs will be taken to another hospital!

[nkochrn, RN]

I was just thinking last night about how in my hospital it doesn't seem like anyone has any sympathy for anyone else. My experiences aren't near as bad as what you described and my DON and supervisor would never think of coming into my room after delivery to do anything but congratulate me. I think it's hard to know what to think of all my co-workers b/c they all stab each other in the back, I'm not saying I'm completely innocent. I do try to stand up for the ones on my shift though.

We have a nurse that breastfed all her children exclusively and everyone talked about her behind her back about how often she was going to pump.

I also feel like no one seems to understand or have any sympathy for me when I've been on my feet for 12 hours and am having sharp pains in my side and am 5 months pregnant. I wonder if the fact that I'm not showing much has something to do with it. It doesn't stop people from calling me in to work overtime.

[MultipNP, BSN, MSN, APRN, NP]

I was just thinking last night about how in my hospital it doesn't seem like anyone has any sympathy for anyone else. My experiences aren't near as bad as what you described and my DON and supervisor would never think of coming into my room after delivery to do anything but congratulate me. I think it's hard to know what to think of all my co-workers b/c they all stab each other in the back, I'm not saying I'm completely innocent. I do try to stand up for the ones on my shift though.

We have a nurse that breastfed all her children exclusively and everyone talked about her behind her back about how often she was going to pump.

I also feel like no one seems to understand or have any sympathy for me when I've been on my feet for 12 hours and am having sharp pains in my side and am 5 months pregnant. I wonder if the fact that I'm not showing much has something to do with it. It doesn't stop people from calling me in to work overtime.

I feel as if you've been on my unit! That is EXACTLY how it is. Everyone stabs each other in the back, so to speak.

I know that there aren't considerations made for pregnant nurses. But it would seem that, in a "caring" profession such as ours, that co-workers would at least try to be sensitive to the needs of a pregnant woman. When a heavy patient needs to be repositioned, others should be willing to help. This goes for EVERYONE -- not just pregnant nurses. So it would seem that a pregnant woman asking for help would get even more response! In our case, NOPE.

The nurses on our unit who are pregnant now are being talked about behind their backs, as well. And our nursing moms are no different. It is very sad.

The one thing I am doing about it is resolving NOT to act like my co-workers. If someone asks for help, I give it. I try to show interest in the pregnancies of my co-workers because I know how hard it is to be pregnant in this environment! And, I try very hard to stay OUT of the gossip and keep my own mouth shut because I don't want anything to do with what has made me so miserable. I don't want to do that to anyone else!

[RN1982]

That brings up a good point. At what point is it ok for a pregnant nurse to NOT help? I'm just curious what you think. I worked a couple weeks ago with a float nurse and I needed to turn my patient. My patient wasn't quite heavy but I certainly couldn't turn him myself. And when I ask someone to help me turn a patient, I always push the patient over and let the other person pull and I think I am exerting the most effort with the turn while the other person just holds the patient long enough for me to stuff a pillow.

Well, I asked her to help and she refused and said "I'm pregnant"....I said "Yes, I can see that but it doesn't excuse you from helping either."...She was showing a little bit and I had helped her with all of her turns throughout the night. Just irritated me a bit. I helped her and she couldn't reciprocate just once. I asked everyone else to help with my turns all night but not her and when I needed her help, I basically get told no.

[MultipNP, BSN, MSN, APRN, NP]

Well, I asked her to help and she refused and said "I'm pregnant"....I said "Yes, I can see that but it doesn't excuse you from helping either."...She was showing a little bit and I had helped her with all of her turns throughout the night. Just irritated me a bit. I helped her and she couldn't reciprocate just once. I asked everyone else to help with my turns all night but not her and when I needed her help, I basically get told no.

I think that it depends on the situation. Only the pregnant nurse can know for sure, unfortunately. In some cases, that nurse's doctor may suggest she "take it easy" at work, knowing that a nurse's job is very physically demanding. While it is known that some nurses do take advantage of that, it is still best to err on the side of caution before passing judgment.

I have to tread this one carefully, because I know my co-workers were very irritated with me when I was pregnant. But, it was very obvious how precarious my situation was, considering the number of times I had to be admitted with pre-term contractions. Still, that didn't alleviate their disgruntledness, and not only was I asked to do things that were dangerous for me to do -- I was actually dumped on (which I feel was done on purpose to make a point). I guess the best thing is to try to be sensitive and give the pregnant co-worker the benefit of the doubt. She is doing her best to protect her unborn child, and is probably aware she is making people angry by doing so. It's not an easy place to be -- and sometimes it takes being pregnant with complications (often caused by a heavy workload) to have true sympathy for it.

Chances are that she really needs to work, or otherwise she'd be taking time off to better take care of herself/baby. I was in the same sticky situation -- which was very unpleasant.

Was this nurse a hard worker before becoming pregnant? If so, definitely give her some understanding. And when she comes back from maternity leave, she'll probably return to working just as hard.

[RN1982]

I have no idea, first time I worked with her so I don't know what she was like to work with before her pregnancy.

[MultipNP, BSN, MSN, APRN, NP]

Just an update:

Since I posted this back in February, my husband has finished his degree and is now the breadwinner! I cut back to PRN -- and have loved being with my children more. Even PRN, though, I was treated unfairly -- so I quit that job. :-) I'll be looking for another job -- but will take my time and look for the best possible environment.

Since all this has taken place, I've noticed some nursing articles come out about workplace bullying among nurses. The first article I read was like looking at my own job. Interesting...

Thanks again for all your feedback. You guys really helped me keep going when it was at its toughest!

[magz53]

Oh yes, the latest buzzword is "horizontal violence". We are inserviced on it and instructed as to the liablity of commiting it but in a small community hospital nothing is done when it is reported. I recently called a physician to tell him that if he didn't come in to see his critically ill patient the family was transferring her to another facility. The foul language that he spewed out was sickening and ended with " Jesus f*&*ing Christ". I was horrified. I wrote him up as my manager instructed me to. But what will happen ?? Absolutely nothing.