The most ridiculous birth plans you've had the pleasure of reading - page 2

I don't know when I became so jaded- I had a birth plan with my son...every single thing went the opposite of what we had wanted (induction, ITN with subsequent pukefest and finally stat section for... Read More

  1. Visit  dariah profile page
    7
    Unfortunately, my hospital is not very conducive to natural laboring. Upon admission, orders go in for everyone to be clear liquids, continuous EFM and toco, and LR running at 125 ml/hr. For any woman to come in with a birth plan is a little bit humorous because if you don't want an epidural, then why did you want to get admitted? That's truly the mentality---don't come in unless you want an epidural or are fully.

    Still, we had one birth plan state "in the event of an emergency C-section, I would like my husband and doula to be in the room, the drape lowered so I can see the baby, be able to breast feed immediately and be sewn up with steri strips, not staples." Some people want to sign a waiver for the erythro and vit K, but its against New York State law. One woman decided she wanted an epidural but not an IV, but per anesthesia pts must be bolused with a liter of fluid before they'll place an epidural. So then she capitulated but wanted an 'IV nurse' to start it. Well, the IV team doesn't start until 8am and this was the middle of the night.....

    What I don't understand is, if these women do enough research to learn what steri strips and saline locks are, then how come they don't research the hospital's policies to know if that's a place they'd like to give birth?
  2. Visit  monkeybug profile page
    6
    Quote from dariah
    Unfortunately, my hospital is not very conducive to natural laboring. Upon admission, orders go in for everyone to be clear liquids, continuous EFM and toco, and LR running at 125 ml/hr. For any woman to come in with a birth plan is a little bit humorous because if you don't want an epidural, then why did you want to get admitted? That's truly the mentality---don't come in unless you want an epidural or are fully.

    Still, we had one birth plan state "in the event of an emergency C-section, I would like my husband and doula to be in the room, the drape lowered so I can see the baby, be able to breast feed immediately and be sewn up with steri strips, not staples." Some people want to sign a waiver for the erythro and vit K, but its against New York State law. One woman decided she wanted an epidural but not an IV, but per anesthesia pts must be bolused with a liter of fluid before they'll place an epidural. So then she capitulated but wanted an 'IV nurse' to start it. Well, the IV team doesn't start until 8am and this was the middle of the night.....

    What I don't understand is, if these women do enough research to learn what steri strips and saline locks are, then how come they don't research the hospital's policies to know if that's a place they'd like to give birth?
    An epidural without an IV? Umm, yeah, okay, right. I think people get on the internet, find sample birth plans, and think, "ooh, yeah, that sounds good! I want an 'IV nurse!'" When in truth, most L&D nurses are pretty great with IVs out of necessity. They don't realize that they are making enemies where none exist. I will never forget watching my nurse manager put in an IV, she got beautiful flashback with the FIRST stick and the patient snapped, "Why don't you get someone in here that knows what they are doing?" My manager calmly pulled that patent IV out, said OK, and walked out. It then took the CRNA SIX sticks to get it in, and we all laughed like lunatics at the desk.

    People spend way too much time on the internet reading about "birth trauma" and stuff, and assume that we are out to force our will on them, when usually the opposite is true. I want my patients to have a good experience, and I want to make them happy, within reason. Now, I cannot see to it that they have a laprascopic c-section (as I've had requested once), but if they want to be up and out of the bed pre-epidural, I'll do my best to accomodate. If they want to wear their own clothes? Fine, I'm not the one that has to wash the blood and meconium out of them.
  3. Visit  nurse_maya28 profile page
    2
    My personal favorites are the ones that come in with detailed birth plans that they haven't even shown to the provider, let alone discussed any of their desires. The plop this novel down in front of me because "my doctor will do what I want, but I know you nurses will make me do XYZ and I wanna make sure you don't do anything I don't want" Um... yeah, hiney between me and the doctor, I am far more likely to support your wishes. I'm a doula and I am all for natural birth, but coming in with a bad attitude just ****** me off. It's not really wise to **** off the chick that decides what size needles and catheters to use on you. lol jk...sort of.
    I did have one lady that stated that she would rather that her and the baby die then have a c-section. Of course she needed one and that was a giant mess
  4. Visit  LindsayJ profile page
    11
    We have a saying in our unit that if someone comes in with a four-page birth plan, things aren't going to go as expected, a five-page birth plan and the baby will code, a six-page birth plan and that baby isn't leaving the hospital alive, and a seven-page birth plans means the mom won't be leaving alive either. Kind of a dramatic saying, but it unfortunately usually seems to work out that way.

    As for the craziest birth plan I've ever seen, I had a patient request that images of rainbows be hung all over the labor room so she could visualize herself transcending through the different color levels when she was experiencing pain. She also asked that the nurse massage her clitoris during her contractions. Said nurse's response was, understandably, "(expletive) no! There is no way I'm going to sit in there and rub that woman's (expletive)!" Needless to say, that was a pretty hysterical day.
  5. Visit  klone profile page
    0
    I had one "super crunchy" couple that wanted no meds for baby, no vaccines, no formula, etc. They refused the Vitamin K shot (as is their right, and I don't generally have a problem with that) but then they wanted their infant son to have a routine circumcision. First of all, that seems so counter to what most "crunchy" couples want. And secondly, no vitamin K, no RIC! Sorry, you want your infant to bleed out? They did capitulate on the Vitamin K shot after we explained that our policy was that the peds would not do RIC unless the infant had had a Vitamin K shot.
  6. Visit  cebuana_nurse profile page
    0
    I've had instances that patients come in with lengthy birth plans, I go over them with the couple to see which are applicable and not as well as emphasizing that as long as the baby is breathing and transitioning well to extrauterine life, I'm more open to skin to skin contact as well as breastfeeding immediately after birth. Setting priorities and limits are possible and so far I've not encountered any problem with this. Unfortunately, only 1 out of 10 that had their birthing plan actually happen, the others ended up being sections due to non-reassuring tracings, arrest of labor, failure to progress and patients actually requesting it due to not tolerating labor itself.
  7. Visit  PinkNBlue profile page
    2
    We had a lady who wrote on her birth plan that when she gets anxious (and she will), her husband and ONLY her husband, should pour cold water on her.

    We had a patient last week take home her placenta in a cooler. Which was awesome going into her room and knowing the placenta was sitting on the table in the cooler. Snacks, anyone?

    Birth plans are fine if they're realistic. Most birth plans I've seen are what we'd be doing anyway. It's when they get a little crazy and "out there" that things turn for them and their hospital experience because they are so unrealistic. There should be two things on a birth plan; 1) Deliver a healthy baby safely and 2) Be as flexible as possible. Welcome to parenthood.

    They're fun to read though
  8. Visit  PinkNBlue profile page
    0
    Oh my gosh my sentiments exactly!! The flipper comment has me cracking up. So true.


    Quote from monkeybug
    The general consensus at my hospital was this: the longer the birthplan, the quicker you end up in the OR. And if it was laminted, Katy bar the door! that section was usually stat without even time for an initial instrument count.

    I'm all for making a birth experience your own (if we ever had that rare patient that wanted to go natural, I'd end up taking them because I was the most comfortable with natural labors), but I truly believe the doctor in the movie Knocked Up said it best, "You want a special experience? Go to a Jimmy Buffet concert."

    I would usually go through them line by line with the patients, and gently try to point out their dumba$$ery. "We do not wish you to circumsice our son without first discussing it with us." "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, great stupid ones, I always arbitrarily pick out boy babies to circ, and I spirit them away in the dead of night when you are sleeping. Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!!" I really don't give one good dang about who gets circed and who doesn't, and I'm certainly not going to risk my license on something like that.

    It reminds me of all the many times I've been asked as I'm about to give medication, "Will that hurt the baby?" OF COURSE it will!! It's our generation's answer to thalidomide, and I'm just drooling in anticipation as I pepare to give your baby flippers! Geesh, what the heck are they thinking? I'm not your enemy, and if you are so convinced that I am, then stay your butt at home!
  9. Visit  caregiver1977 profile page
    1
    Some people need to figure out their expectations and discuss them with their doctor first, let's say, in their first trimester. It is a good idea to find out what the hospital will/will not allow. In many cases, that would be better than a birth plan.

    IMO that would be better for the patient and the hospital staff.
    monkeybug likes this.
  10. Visit  caregiver1977 profile page
    2
    Quote from dariah
    What I don't understand is, if these women do enough research to learn what steri strips and saline locks are, then how come they don't research the hospital's policies to know if that's a place they'd like to give birth?
    I couldn't agree more.

    I did find it disturbing during the labor of my first son that the nurse kept insisting that I get an epidural "because I'd be sorry I didn't, and might want one and it would be too late." She yelled the part that I just typed in quotes. She went as far as to bring in the doctor who puts in the epidurals (sorry, my spelling isn't so good, but I can say the word). This was after I repeatedly told her that I did not want the epidural. I told that doctor that I didn't want an epidural and he looked around the room like "okay, so why am I here?"

    I ended up pushing out my son with the help of a little Demoral to help me sleep. I did about 10 minutes of pushing.
    canoehead and losbozos like this.
  11. Visit  HeartsOpenWide profile page
    3
    I don't mind birth plans at all, as long as the patient understands that they are just ideals of how their birth could go; but are totally fluid to changing as things change with labor. The more ridged the birth plan the closer the get to a C/S...
  12. Visit  losbozos profile page
    3
    So, what's the problem? Or the harm? Sometimes it seems a little strange but is more that we perceive it as confrontational & questioning our skills? If so, why? And if you think the patients can't see how you're feeling, think again. Birthing is an intensely personal experience that has become increasingly medicalized in the past 60 or so yrs. Welcome the birth plan; invite the parent(s) to detail it for you. Finding common ground is so important & will help the parent(s) have confidence in you. However, I do think it would be helpful for all if the providers could better inform the parents-to-be of the hospitals general routines. All of our babies go skin-2-skin & bf unless they need special attention.
  13. Visit  allthingsbright profile page
    2
    pt requesting "clitoral stimulation" from nurse during induction on birth plan=not gonna happen

    that said, most birth plans i am coming across lately have been okay--usually printed off the internet --and i wonder if pts even have any idea of what they are requesting! i just think pts are not educated enough coming into the process and have no idea what they are talking about in 75% of the cases. i'm a childbirth educator, BTW--so biased, here.

    excuse the lack of caps and punctuation--recovering from 3-in-a-row

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