Someone Please talk to ME....I am Brokenhearted - page 4
A tough, difficult weekend in OB for me.....we had a 23-week lady (hx infertility x6 years) come in with "just a few cramps and pink tinged mucus" for evaluation. She was smiling, and very very... Read More
Apr 13, '04just another thought, dearest deb, to enourage you and give you hope.
life is an opportunity,
benefit from it.
life is beauty, admire it.
life is bliss, taste it.
life is a dream, realize it.
life is a challenge, meet it.
life is a duty, complete it.
life is a game, play it.
life is costly, care for it.
life is wealth, keep it.
life is love, enjoy it.
life is mystery, know it.
life is a promise, fulfill it.
life is sorrow, overcome it.
life is a song, sing it.
life is a struggle, accept it.
life is tragedy, confront it.
life is an adventure, dare it.
life is luck, make it.
life is too precious,
do not destroy it.
life is life, fight for it.
- mother teresa
Apr 13, '04(((((((((((((((DEB)))))))))))))))))))
I am so sorry for what you're going through. There's not much I can add except to offer my support and to let you know that I do know how you feel, to some extent. I had two losses within a year, and boy, sometimes I just could not take losing a baby at work! It's like we stuff these emotions and feelings we have far away, inside of us somewhere, because, like you say, we have to be strong, we have to carry on for our families. Problem is, they don't know, really, how bad we're feeling. So we just carry on....then we're confronted with this kind of situation and the wound is re-opened, it's like we're going through it all again! Very hard to deal with.....
Give yourself whatever you need....there is no time limit on grief, on your feelings.....be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself. Have faith....your heart will heal.
Apr 13, '04How do you all know just the right things to say? I am so touched by the compassion and empathy here. Thank you all for the kind words, thoughts and heartfelt feelings shared here. You are the best group of folks there is. .I just can't thank you enough. I really can't. Just know I read each and every post at least twice and found them uplifting and helpful beyond measure. THANK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nurses are the BEST. This is proof!
Apr 13, '04God Bless You Deb, You are proof that nursing still is truly a caring profession
Apr 13, '04Quote from SmilingBluEyesMaybe you need to get away from OB for awhile=are you hanging in there.I am not a psych expert but I know from my own experiences that we carry a certain amount of guilt when we lose a pregnancy.Maybe you are staying in OB as a way to sub-consciously punish yourself?" It will be 2 yrs this month since I lost my daughter ....I still have bad days now and then but I know darn well I could not work in that environment....it would be like peeling off a scab-everytime a woman delivered a healthy baby I would hurt...everytime a woman lost a baby I would hurt more.....I don't know how you can keep doing it deb and I really don't think you should.Please think about what I am saying-stop torturing yourself.....You NEED to take care of YOU.....A tough, difficult weekend in OB for me.....we had a 23-week lady (hx infertility x6 years) come in with "just a few cramps and pink tinged mucus" for evaluation. She was smiling, and very very upbeat. Not for long.....u OB nurses can guess what happens next.......
Upshot, telescoping membranes, 3cm cervix, perfect fetal strip, however..... put into trendelenburg, indocin, magnesium, you-name-it to TRY and save the pregnancy, but of course, it failed. Water broke after 6 hours of all this stuff and naturally the poor family begged us to "do everything"......what could we do? 23 weeks is just too soon..........they then revised their wishes to "comfort measures"....which was done.
The baby was born mid-day, initial apgar, 5 and then died. HOW SAD.....It brought back all my sadness of all my losses (4 in 2 years recently). I did ok with them, I really was strong, but spent the weekend in tears once my shifts were over.........still so emotionally overwrought and tired.....and just plain ragged. Just needed to vent. Nothing anyone could do for that family and nothing anyone can do for me either. I guess my miscarriages/losses are still bothering me a great deal. More than I want to admit even to myself. When will I just get on with it????? :angryfire
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel whole again. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing in OB. It's such a "happy" place to work.....til crap like this happens to good people...oh and this is the 3rd 23/24 week loss in 2 weeks. This sucks.
Thank you for listening. I am getting all worked up again ugh. :uhoh21:Last edit by ktwlpn on Apr 13, '04
Apr 13, '04I am so sorry that this has happened both to this family AND to you...Because, it surely DID happen to you as well....Your ability to be empathetic comes because you unfortunately share in the feelings of loss this family feels. That makes or made you the perfect nurse to be with them and help console them. There is no good thing to say. There is no right thing to say. But, for some reason, God sent these people your way and all you can do now is try to come to terms with all the losses this family and your family have suffered. I think it is less about OB than it is about all that has happened....Cry those tears. Take some time. Try to understand that you are a wonderful person AND nurse....Day by day....And many many hugs to you.....
Apr 13, '04So sorry Deb. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling, and I hope I never know. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God is the only one who can heal a broken heart and I am asking Him to minister to you in a very special way.
Apr 13, '04Awww you guys are great. SUCH encouragement and kind words. I hope I helped that family. It's my strongest desire to be therapeutic in such situations and this requires such strength in me at times I am not sure I have anymore.
I am considering what I may do next. I may check into another area, like renal/dialysis internship or something. Not sure. I do feel my gift is in OB and so do my coworkers. I am told all the time what a gift to my patients I am. But you are all right; I have to fill "me" up now. I am seeing a really good counselor about my troubles, trying to sort myself out in many ways. There is so much more than my losses going on with me and I want to be whole again, one bit at a time. Not ready to cash it all in yet.
If my kids were older, I would love to volunteer for an organization like "Doctors Without Borders" and REALLY give of myself. That is actually my dream someday. But the kids need me at home right now, so I will have to wait. But it's a dream I hold onto--- one day, hoping to fulfill. I would REALLY feel like I am making a difference then, kwim?
Anyhow, thanks so much for letting me vent. And those of you who PMed me, I am going to answer each of you, as thoughtfully as you wrote to me. It means more than you know to hear these words and that you would take the time here and in PM to care, well what can I say? My gratitude is deep.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :kiss :angel2:
Apr 13, '04I used to think I wanted to be an OB nurse but the heartbreaks that happen keep me from it. Everyone I know that talks about nursing says "oh I'd love to be a nurse and work with the babies" like it's all happy all the time. During my clinicals I saw so many heartbreaking things.