OB nurses, what do you do in adoption situations? - page 3

What happens? What is your role? What do you say? What is appropriate? Any interesting stories on this subject? Thanks! :)... Read More

  1. by   SmilingBluEyes
    We are wayyyy off track now, as we can see. I hope we all are careful not to judge too quickly who is "fit" and who not to raise their kids. I would not paint anyone with a broad brush or blanket statement ---and I am sure no one here would, either. It's true there are unfit two-parent homes. I grew up in one. But I also believe kids are better off with both parent figures actively involved in their lives, even if that means they are in separate domiciles.

    Any other insights from OB nurses on adoption?
  2. by   brigaily2000
    Quote from stidget99
    I was 16 and rebellious. I got pregnant. I chose to keep my daughter. Then I had another 3 yrs later w/ the same father. We got married but for only a very brief period of time. With the love and support of my family, I raised my girls. Yes, we had very very hard times. Money was always tight. Somehow we made it through nursing school together---as a team. Today my girls are both productive members of society as I am. My girls never got into drugs, drinking, sex, or legal problems. They are both great kids and we have a wonderfully mutual respect for each other. My kids both knew (first hand) the hardships and are now more aware of how things are/were and are more determined than ever to "do things the right way". My eldest is married w/ two children of her own and my youngest just became an assistant manager at a bank at 21 years of age. I am very proud of the both of them.

    Now I know that there are some young moms who did not do as well or were as lucky as I was. However, please don't judge the young moms. Not all of us are losers. We may be young but we have a lot to offer our children.


    Good for you!!! You should be very, very proud of yourself!!
  3. by   brigaily2000
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    We are wayyyy off track now, as we can see. I hope we all are careful not to judge too quickly who is "fit" and who not to raise their kids. I would not paint anyone with a broad brush or blanket statement ---and I am sure no one here would, either. It's true there are unfit two-parent homes. I grew up in one. But I also believe kids are better off with both parent figures actively involved in their lives, even if that means they are in separate domiciles.

    Any other insights from OB nurses on adoption?
    Agreed.
  4. by   brigaily2000
    Quote from galaxy781
    I agree with SBIC, a child is not always better off in a two parent home!! and what it sounded like to me was that you said, if a single mom has a baby, while she might do ok on her own, the baby would be better of given to a loving two parent home. I just want to congratulate you in comfirming all those sterotypes that are already out there about single mothers. I dont see how you can speak in such generalaztions! You dont know what is best for every child! My mother was a single mother for the most part, I grew up my first 17 years with an physcially abusive alcoholic father, who for the most part was emotionally abusive as well. I had a lot of problems but my mom finally made the decision to take my sister and I away from that and the three of us moved out and from that point on my life totally turned around! I always used to ask my mom why she never got remmarried and she always said, "I felt like I owed it to you and your sister to give all my concentration for what time I had left with you (meaning until we left for college). Now my sister and I have both graduated from college and I am pursing my masters degree, we are both happy, well rounded, productive memebers of society. I feel that bc my mom was a single parent the three of us are closer than we would have ever been if we had been with my father or with another man for that matter.

    Also I know several people from two parent homes that are on drugs, in jail (as I worked at a juvenille corrective center after college) and from what they tell me their home had two parents and was a supportive environment. So how can you make those judgements! Nurses are supposed to be non-judgemental but that comment you made sure does sound like sterotyping, and it sounds very judgmental! While I dont condone having kids before you are married, I do realize that it happens and that child has just as good chance as anyother child born into a two parent home! The times are changing and we must change with them.

    sorry just venting, it ticks me off when ppl make comments like that.

    Ok, Galaxy, calm down. Being an adopted child myself, I favor adoption when the bio mom for whatever reason cannot/willnot care for the child.
    As for being judgmental, I have strong opinions as if that is seen as judgmental then so be it.

    Your situation was obviously a good one and things worked out very well for all of you and for that you should be eternally grateful to your mother. She sounds like a smart lady. There are, however, more situations involving single mothers that do not work out as well. I am not speaking in generalizations and yes, I do not know what is best for every child, but the MAJORITY of babies deseve a loving 2 parent home where the parents are committed to the child and her/his welfare.

    Yes, I know times are changing, but not always for the better.

    I see you are from Ohio. I used to live in Cleveland about 35 years ago or so and I still miss it.
  5. by   galaxy781
    I am calm thank you, and as you both reminded, we are wayyy off track.
  6. by   jkaee
    To get the topic back on track.....

    I gave a baby girl up for adoption when I was 17. I wanted to keep the baby with me until I was discharged, because I wanted her to go from my loving arms to her adoptive parents loving arms and not be stuck in the nursery alone for 3 days. The nurses treated me like any other OB patient, and never gave their opinion or advice about what I was doing (then again, I didn't ask for advice). The things I remember most was on my day of discharge, the nurse arranged for the hospital chaplain to visit me and say a prayer with me, and as I was sitting at the nurses station waiting to leave (and crying) a nurse just came up and squeezed my shoulder. Most of it's a blur now, but I do remember encouragement being given by the staff, and that was when I decided I wanted to become a nurse too. So, remain supportive and encouraging. That's all that really needs to be done.
  7. by   SmilingBluEyes
    The thread was started in order to ask us OB nurses "how we handle adoption situations"

    NOT to extoll the virtues, or condemn the disadvantages of, SINGLE PARENTHOOD, thank you.


    Have a good day everyone and thanks for sharing. It's been an interesting thread.
  8. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Quote from jkaee
    To get the topic back on track.....

    I gave a baby girl up for adoption when I was 17. I wanted to keep the baby with me until I was discharged, because I wanted her to go from my loving arms to her adoptive parents loving arms and not be stuck in the nursery alone for 3 days. The nurses treated me like any other OB patient, and never gave their opinion or advice about what I was doing (then again, I didn't ask for advice). The things I remember most was on my day of discharge, the nurse arranged for the hospital chaplain to visit me and say a prayer with me, and as I was sitting at the nurses station waiting to leave (and crying) a nurse just came up and squeezed my shoulder. Most of it's a blur now, but I do remember encouragement being given by the staff, and that was when I decided I wanted to become a nurse too. So, remain supportive and encouraging. That's all that really needs to be done.
    wow thank you for sharing jkaee. Your story is very meaningful and it's so nice to hear from you who were affected by pregnancy situations and how you handled them. I thank you kindly for sharing. Your nurse sounded special indeed. I should be more like that person. Very nice!
  9. by   estrogen
    Quote from jkaee
    To get the topic back on track.....

    I gave a baby girl up for adoption when I was 17. I wanted to keep the baby with me until I was discharged, because I wanted her to go from my loving arms to her adoptive parents loving arms and not be stuck in the nursery alone for 3 days. The nurses treated me like any other OB patient, and never gave their opinion or advice about what I was doing (then again, I didn't ask for advice). The things I remember most was on my day of discharge, the nurse arranged for the hospital chaplain to visit me and say a prayer with me, and as I was sitting at the nurses station waiting to leave (and crying) a nurse just came up and squeezed my shoulder. Most of it's a blur now, but I do remember encouragement being given by the staff, and that was when I decided I wanted to become a nurse too. So, remain supportive and encouraging. That's all that really needs to be done.
    Thank you jkaee! THIS is a profound and MEANINGFULL story to us as nurses and IS very pertinent to this thread. I started it to learn how to behave as a NURSE in an adoption situation, not to pass judngments on anyone.

    So thanks again for bringing us back on track.
  10. by   brigaily2000
    Quote from jkaee
    To get the topic back on track.....

    I gave a baby girl up for adoption when I was 17. I wanted to keep the baby with me until I was discharged, because I wanted her to go from my loving arms to her adoptive parents loving arms and not be stuck in the nursery alone for 3 days. The nurses treated me like any other OB patient, and never gave their opinion or advice about what I was doing (then again, I didn't ask for advice). The things I remember most was on my day of discharge, the nurse arranged for the hospital chaplain to visit me and say a prayer with me, and as I was sitting at the nurses station waiting to leave (and crying) a nurse just came up and squeezed my shoulder. Most of it's a blur now, but I do remember encouragement being given by the staff, and that was when I decided I wanted to become a nurse too. So, remain supportive and encouraging. That's all that really needs to be done.
    This is so true. When I was nursing, I, too, supported any decision made. It's an emotional time where support and encouragement are needed. All of us felt that way. Well said.
  11. by   nurse_wannabe
    That's not what you said in your previous post:
    Quote from brigaily2000
    It was hard for me being a nurse and seeing this over and over again. In many instances, when the new mother was making her decision, I spoke very lovingly in favor of adoption. This was/is my opinion and I was entitled to it. If the new mother, however, was bound and determined to keep her baby, I was quiet.
    Your opinions could have landed you in some serious hot water. Better you keep them to yourself when it involves *the* most important aspect of someone else's life. As a result of you speaking "very lovingly in favor of adoption," you might have persuaded a woman to give up her baby who now regrets it every single day. It was never your place to judge who was fit and unfit.
  12. by   fergus51
    Quote from nurse_wannabe
    That's not what you said in your previous post:

    Your opinions could have landed you in some serious hot water. Better you keep them to yourself when it involves *the* most important aspect of someone else's life. As a result of you speaking "very lovingly in favor of adoption," you might have persuaded a woman to give up her baby who now regrets it every single day. It was never your place to judge who was fit and unfit.
    It sounds like she was answering questions from a woman who was already considering adoption, not going in and just giving her unsoliscited opinion. I don't see anything wrong with discussing the pros and cons with a woman who wants to. I have also disclosed my own adoption and my feelings about it with women considering adopting out their baby. That doesn't mean I've pushed anyone into anything.
  13. by   nurse_wannabe
    Quote from fergus51
    It sounds like she was answering questions from a woman who was already considering adoption, not going in and just giving her unsoliscited opinion. I don't see anything wrong with discussing the pros and cons with a woman who wants to. I have also disclosed my own adoption and my feelings about it with women considering adopting out their baby. That doesn't mean I've pushed anyone into anything.
    Sure, discussing pros and cons with a mother already considering adoption is wonderful. It helps the new mom figure out what is best for herself and her baby. However, judging from her own words, it doesn't sound to me like that is what was going on. She never said she spoke of how loving a mother/child relationship is, the regret she might feel, how much joy children can bring, etc. She says she spoke lovingly of adoption, and only when she didn't think there was ANY chance of the mom giving up the baby, was she quiet.

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