The nightmare...dealing with fetal demises

[Mat-ctr-Rn]

I want to know if anyone else has ever had the unfortunate occasion to believe that MHR was FHR in the case of a fetal demise. I am kicking myself (and I know I shouldn't) because I was unable to tell that the maternal pulse I palpated was also what was printing. I'd like to know how to avoid this mistake in the future because it seemed that at times the blinking on the monitor screen did not correlate with mom's pulse (but I know now that it had to have been)

There was no other way to tell...the rate was in 120's, good variability, even accels.

I feel horrible for having reassured the parents based on this and then 30 minutes later they find out the truth.

Then there is the physician side of it...he reviews the strip he believes to be of baby and talks to the parents in a reassuring way based on the information I provided him. Luckily, he scanned her.

[akcarmean, LPN]

I to went over the deep end after my stillborn dd. I almost lost my marriage and my life several times. If it wasn't for my dh making me go to counsoling and see a psychiastrist and get me on medication. I wouldn't be here today. After seeing a psychiastrist I found out that I had severe depression and some other things that needed to be dealt with before you can get a grip on things to be able to come to terms of her death. But It has been 7 yrs and Yes I still think about her all the time but the pain is no longer there. But she has never been forgotten. One tip would be to always remember her/him as a person and don't forget the name they gave the baby and remember the baby's b-day. It helps me for people to acknowledge it so I don't feel like I was the only one who still remembers. JMO.

Angie

[Mermaid4]

Thank you all for sharing such poignant personal experiences. One thing I always do is ask if the mom ( or couple) has picked a name. Many times they don't want to even think about that depending on the gestation. Afterwards, I do everything described above and encourage the couple to name their baby so he or she ( sometimes we can't yet tell), becomes a person to them, whatever the gestational age. It is such a sad and difficult time..I was recently fortunate enough to participate in a labor of a couple who had a previous demise. The interesting thing is they wanted me for their labor nurse and thought I wouldn't want to be there due to our history while I wondered the same thing about them. The doctor brought us both together and it was amazing. After wards the tears flowed, and the dad grabbed and hugged me. He mentioned that he always remembered I had told them "Michael" (the name of their previous baby-the early demise) would be their angel. It was a tremendously significant and poignant experience for all of us that day, and for the couple and myself, we had all come full circle. I will never forget it....

[babe2004]

I editted this because I was thinking about it and thought maybe I shouldn't have told my brothers story. They don't talk about it much and it may not have been my place to do so.

[BETSRN]

Thank you all for sharing such poignant personal experiences. One thing I always do is ask if the mom ( or couple) has picked a name. Many times they don't want to even think about that depending on the gestation. Afterwards, I do everything described above and encourage the couple to name their baby so he or she ( sometimes we can't yet tell), becomes a person to them, whatever the gestational age. It is such a sad and difficult time..I was recently fortunate enough to participate in a labor of a couple who had a previous demise. The interesting thing is they wanted me for their labor nurse and thought I wouldn't want to be there due to our history while I wondered the same thing about them. The doctor brought us both together and it was amazing. After wards the tears flowed, and the dad grabbed and hugged me. He mentioned that he always remembered I had told them "Michael" (the name of their previous baby-the early demise) would be their angel. It was a tremendously significant and poignant experience for all of us that day, and for the couple and myself, we had all come full circle. I will never forget it....

I was so glad you brought up the name thing. I think it really helps for the family to have things "normalized" in the sense that the nurse can talk about what has happened and seem comfortable with what has happened. I think parents look to us nurses to help them emain stable about things. I try to answer all the questions to the best of my ability, sit with them, encourage them to hold and dress the baby (depending on gestational age, condition, etc).

[dawngloves, BSN, RN]

There is a seminar offered on this type of bereavment in my area. If you are in the Harrisburg, PA area PM me and I'll find out about it for you.