The most ridiculous birth plans you've had the pleasure of reading - page 8
I don't know when I became so jaded- I had a birth plan with my son...every single thing went the opposite of what we had wanted (induction, ITN with subsequent pukefest and finally stat section for non reassuring heart rate and... Read More
- 7Jan 11, '13 by yoganursI'm all about re-wording and re-phrasing things. So as soon as I see a 'birth plan', I see it as an opportunity to begin my patient teaching. I change the title of their birth plan to "birth preferences" and take it from there. It's important for a couple who has (*gasp*) actually done a bit of researching on the subject of birth to feel like you are on their team. While I get that the point of this post is laugh at the ridiculous requests and 'plans' that we as RN's have received, I have to say, there are a TON of RN's out there that only know birth according to a hospital template. We need to be more flexible as nurses when it comes to birth...just saying!
- 3Mar 5 by CEGAn old thread reborn.... but to be fair to the birth plan, the soaps used in hospitals are some of the crappiest stuff out there. Johnson's baby soap for instance is full of chemicals considered unhealthy. Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo Has Cancer-Causing Chemicals, Group Says I wouldn't want it on my baby either.
- 3Mar 6 by mamaguiBut nurses and docs aren't out to bully anyone (not all docs and nurses anyhow) I'm sure there are some scalpel happy OB's out there who are only too happy to convince a woman to have a section for something that's not really a good reason to have a section- but going to a hospital to have a baby doesn't always mean that you're doomed to have a section or even be induced, and that's what I'm seeing in a lot of the birth plans- stuff like "Don't you DARE come near me with an IV or an EFM or I'll sue the hospital!!"
So if you are not one of those pushy ones, good for you. But I assure you, they exist. If they did not, you would not have pushy, defensive birth plans.
- 4Mar 7 by mamaguiThe general consensus at my hospital was this: the longer the birthplan, the quicker you end up in the OR.
but I truly believe the doctor in the movie Knocked Up said it best, "You want a special experience? Go to a Jimmy Buffet concert."
I would usually go through them line by line with the patients, and gently try to point out their dumba$$ery. "We do not wish you to circumsice our son without first discussing it with us." "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, great stupid ones, I always arbitrarily pick out boy babies to circ, and I spirit them away in the dead of night when you are sleeping. Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!!" I really don't give one good dang about who gets circed and who doesn't, and I'm certainly not going to risk my license on something like that.
It reminds me of all the many times I've been asked as I'm about to give medication, "Will that hurt the baby?" OF COURSE it will!! It's our generation's answer to thalidomide, and I'm just drooling in anticipation as I pepare to give your baby flippers! Geesh, what the heck are they thinking? I'm not your enemy, and if you are so convinced that I am, then stay your butt at home!