The most ridiculous birth plans you've had the pleasure of reading - page 8

I don't know when I became so jaded- I had a birth plan with my son...every single thing went the opposite of what we had wanted (induction, ITN with subsequent pukefest and finally stat section for non reassuring heart rate and... Read More

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    I'm all about re-wording and re-phrasing things. So as soon as I see a 'birth plan', I see it as an opportunity to begin my patient teaching. I change the title of their birth plan to "birth preferences" and take it from there. It's important for a couple who has (*gasp*) actually done a bit of researching on the subject of birth to feel like you are on their team. While I get that the point of this post is laugh at the ridiculous requests and 'plans' that we as RN's have received, I have to say, there are a TON of RN's out there that only know birth according to a hospital template. We need to be more flexible as nurses when it comes to birth...just saying!
    melmarie23, sharpeimom, mamagui, and 5 others like this.

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  2. 6
    Strangest wording I've seen on a birth plan:
    - Please do not bathe our baby. (Ok, fine...less for me to do anyway) We prefer to do the first baby bath together using NON-TOXIC baby products. (Really, I was hoping to give them an acid wash using steel wool for a washcloth!)
  3. 3
    An old thread reborn.... but to be fair to the birth plan, the soaps used in hospitals are some of the crappiest stuff out there. Johnson's baby soap for instance is full of chemicals considered unhealthy. Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo Has Cancer-Causing Chemicals, Group Says I wouldn't want it on my baby either.
    futureRNicole, Elvish, and morte like this.
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    But nurses and docs aren't out to bully anyone (not all docs and nurses anyhow) I'm sure there are some scalpel happy OB's out there who are only too happy to convince a woman to have a section for something that's not really a good reason to have a section- but going to a hospital to have a baby doesn't always mean that you're doomed to have a section or even be induced, and that's what I'm seeing in a lot of the birth plans- stuff like "Don't you DARE come near me with an IV or an EFM or I'll sue the hospital!!"
    I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement. Many, many nurses and OBs are very pushy, which is why some people have pushy birth plans. I had my son in a hospital and it was not great. I was given pit without being asked if I wanted or agreed with it. I was forced to stay in a reclined position and when I tried to sit up to help with the pain from contractions, the nurse yelled at me that I had to sit back because it was messing up her monitor readings. My water had broken and when I felt wet I asked the nurse to change the pad below me. After the 3rd time requesting this, I was told to just sit there and it wasn't a big deal. Well, it was a big deal. After my son was born, the nurses kept pushing me to take a sleeping pill and let them give my son formula and leave him in the nursery for the night. I was only in labor for 6 hours, so it is not like I was exhausted.

    So if you are not one of those pushy ones, good for you. But I assure you, they exist. If they did not, you would not have pushy, defensive birth plans.
    watashi, NurseNora, melmarie23, and 1 other like this.
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    The general consensus at my hospital was this: the longer the birthplan, the quicker you end up in the OR.
    Wow- no wonder we have such a high C/S rate in the US
    but I truly believe the doctor in the movie Knocked Up said it best, "You want a special experience? Go to a Jimmy Buffet concert."
    That is a horrible thing to say. Giving birth is a hugely transformative process in a woman's life. Of course women want it to be special!
    I would usually go through them line by line with the patients, and gently try to point out their dumba$$ery. "We do not wish you to circumsice our son without first discussing it with us." "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, great stupid ones, I always arbitrarily pick out boy babies to circ, and I spirit them away in the dead of night when you are sleeping. Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!!" I really don't give one good dang about who gets circed and who doesn't, and I'm certainly not going to risk my license on something like that.

    It reminds me of all the many times I've been asked as I'm about to give medication, "Will that hurt the baby?" OF COURSE it will!! It's our generation's answer to thalidomide, and I'm just drooling in anticipation as I pepare to give your baby flippers! Geesh, what the heck are they thinking? I'm not your enemy, and if you are so convinced that I am, then stay your butt at home!
    The rest of your post is highly offensive. You show an utter lack of compassion for your birthing mothers and their RIGHT to have a say in their birthing process. Dumbassery? Shame on you! Stay your butt home? Home birth would be certainly be a more comfortable option than being with you, however not every woman has nor wants that experience.
    HisKids37, TriChick, NurseNora, and 4 others like this.
  6. 5
    Quote from mamagui
    Wow- no wonder we have such a high C/S rate in the US

    That is a horrible thing to say. Giving birth is a hugely transformative process in a woman's life. Of course women want it to be special!


    The rest of your post is highly offensive. You show an utter lack of compassion for your birthing mothers and their RIGHT to have a say in their birthing process. Dumbassery? Shame on you! Stay your butt home? Home birth would be certainly be a more comfortable option than being with you, however not every woman has nor wants that experience.
    I completely agree. I was one of those "crunchy moms" who went in not with a birth plan, but with a well RESEARCHED idea of what I was hoping for in my birthing experience. It was not because I felt as though OB nurses were evil by any means, but because my previous labor was a litany of errors involving a weak epi, followed by too strong of an epi, followed by Pit to restart contractions. As a result of my inefficient pushing, I was blessed with uterine, rectal, AND bladder prolapses that followed me through my next pregnancy (and to this day). I knew I wanted to go natural, and my OB actually encouraged it so that I had better control of my pelvic muscles during stage 2. This was in hopes that I would be able to prevent exacerbating the previous damage. I knew I was being induced at 37+1, and planned to utilize hypnobirthing techniques for pain management. For those of you in the Deep South, I'm sure you can agree that such "New Age" concepts are rarely, if ever, seen in a hospital setting. In fact, I was the first patient my nurses had ever come across who used this method. To my sheer delight, not only were the nurses on board with the idea, they were VERY curious about the whole situation and wanted me to teach them the ins and outs. The technique worked, and not only was I a very low-maintenance patient (sat on a ball with my ear buds in for 9 hours while they quietly uped the Pit), but I repeatedly expressed my appreciation for their attitude and support though the whole thing.

    I say all this to express to you that, while you may not appreciate being viewed as a villian to birthing women, odds are those women may not appreciate automatically being viewed as morons or stupid individuals simply because they may have an idea of what they desire (regardless of how realistic those options might be). Until an altercation ensues, perhaps take the time to kindly educate them rather than judge? Reading your attitude and tone makes me very thankful for the understanding and compassionate nurses I had. Had I thought I might have faced such judgment, I would have considered keeping my butt home as well. :-/
    watashi, melmarie23, LibraSunCNM, and 2 others like this.
  7. 1
    Quote from mamagui
    I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement. Many, many nurses and OBs are very pushy, which is why some people have pushy birth plans. I had my son in a hospital and it was not great. I was given pit without being asked if I wanted or agreed with it. I was forced to stay in a reclined position and when I tried to sit up to help with the pain from contractions, the nurse yelled at me that I had to sit back because it was messing up her monitor readings. My water had broken and when I felt wet I asked the nurse to change the pad below me. After the 3rd time requesting this, I was told to just sit there and it wasn't a big deal. Well, it was a big deal. After my son was born, the nurses kept pushing me to take a sleeping pill and let them give my son formula and leave him in the nursery for the night. I was only in labor for 6 hours, so it is not like I was exhausted.

    So if you are not one of those pushy ones, good for you. But I assure you, they exist. If they did not, you would not have pushy, defensive birth plans.
    I couldn't have said it better. God bless you!!!
    mamagui likes this.
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    And I don't want to be seen as someone who brings race into everything, but at some hospitals, especially in the South, black patients who want to ask intelligent questions about their healthcare and medical treatment are treated very, very badly. I'm not talking about patients who only want to argue, threaten, or curse. There are patients who merely want information and are treated badly for not just shutting up and taking whatever the hospital dishes out.
    mamagui likes this.
  9. 1
    Quote from caregiver1977
    And I don't want to be seen as someone who brings race into everything, but at some hospitals, especially in the South, black patients who want to ask intelligent questions about their healthcare and medical treatment are treated very, very badly. I'm not talking about patients who only want to argue, threaten, or curse. There are patients who merely want information and are treated badly for not just shutting up and taking whatever the hospital dishes out.
    As somebody who has lived in the South for my entire life, this is one of the most ignorant statements I've ever read.
    casi likes this.
  10. 1
    Quote from caregiver1977
    And I don't want to be seen as someone who brings race into everything, but at some hospitals, especially in the South, black patients who want to ask intelligent questions about their healthcare and medical treatment are treated very, very badly. I'm not talking about patients who only want to argue, threaten, or curse. There are patients who merely want information and are treated badly for not just shutting up and taking whatever the hospital dishes out.

    I have never seen this. I thoroughly enjoy when my patients ask me questions, regardless of race, because it sows they actually cae and want to do the absolute best for their babies.
    monkeybug likes this.


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