male labor and delivery nurses

Interesting points made in the last few posts. I have some thoughts on them, that I'll share.

Some patients do seem to want a nurse that has experienced childbirth. I know this to be true because patients often ask their female nurses if they have had children and I've even known some to request a nurse that has had children. There are 2 reasons that I don't worry so much about the fact that I have and will never experience childbirth.

First it really isn’t necessary to experience something to give good care to patients that are experiencing it. Most nurses on other units haven’t experienced the health problems their patients have. After all you are there as a care provider and really your perspective should be that of a care provider rather then as the person going threw it.

Secondly, I have seen many nurses (and doctors for that matter) that constantly compare their experience and reactions to that of their patients. i.e.. "I didn’t cry", "my labor was longer then hers and I didn’t complain", "I had pit and I didn’t complain".

Really I find it a strength that I will never experience labor. That is because I have learned everything I know about labor from the point of an observer. I have seen what works for different patients. My perception of the emotions and pain of labor are not colored by my own experience. I can't imagine the pain of labor but I can definitely see that it is very very painful.

Sometimes (if I stop to think of it) I find it kind of funny that patients ask me "what does labor feel like". Still, even though I can't physically know what labor feels like, I do know what patients say it feels like and I know that it is different for everyone so it's easy for me to explain it.

Another thing I saw mentioned was that patient may be reluctant to have a male nurse because of the more intimate nature of nursing contrasted against the less personal more profession nature of doctors. I have a few thoughts on this.

Firstly the main reason I see that patients will allow a male doctor yet be reluctant for a male nurse is the publics perception of nurses. Our society places doctor’s one step below god. They have been raised to believe that doctors are different then everyone else so when a male doctor does a vag exam it's okay because it is socially acceptable. The public does not view nurses the same way. Many patients think that we walk in off the street and went into nursing because it pays better then waitressing. I'm not just musing here patients have actually told me this (in so many words). I have had patients tell me. "I would really like a female nurse I do have a male doctor but he is a doctor and you’re just a nurse". I had another patient with a male doctor tell me that "male nurses freak me out". I don't see these patients refusing me as their nurse as a personal thing I do however see it as a bad public perception of nursing. Now it is completely a different thing when a patient chooses a female doctor and only wants female care providors and there are many reasons they might do that.

Secondly I have to say that I would find it hard to function as a Male L&D nurse if I wasn’t able to establish that intimate personal relationship with my patients. In fact it is the reason that I do what I do, Yes birth is amazing and yes I like the autonomy of L&D but what I find fulfilling is the connection that I feel with my patients. Now that connection is different with every patient. Some I think see me as kind of a father figure and relate to me on that level. Others (oddly enough) seem to relate to me as they would another women. It's kind of odd sometimes I have to wonder if my hair is getting to long or something lol.

I hope that people don’t take my responses to their thoughts as a flame or argumentative. I'm only giving my perspective and things that I have seen from experience.

I was hoping you would weigh in on this discussion, Dayray - thanks for giving the benefit of your experience .

I wish Mark would, also. Have not seen him in an ice age. Wonder how he is.

I had the same idea . .. had a female ob . . well, she was distracted, did not bond with me at all, hurried through exams, induced me due to her upcoming vacation (hey, what did I know back then?). I did not return to her with my second pregnancy.

Had male ob's for the next two - they were great.

Went to a "woman's" clinic with my 4th due to now being a nurse and not being comfy with the docs I now work with at my "cootchie" so to speak. The female ob was the same - too busy, distracted, hurried. It was so frustrating. I ended up with her female partner at delivery anyway due to her being at a conference - this lady was nice, sat down on my bed to talk to me and my family about the need for a cesarean and then stayed to repeat it for some other family who showed up. On the way to the delivery room she dropped her glasses, they broke, my husband picked them up and fixed them for her, she cracked up. The rapport in the delivery room was great, and there where male NICU nurses there.

So, you really can't make a generalization that a woman doc is going to be more emphathetic to you, at least in my experience.

I say go for it . ..

steph

Recentlly at one of the community hospitals on the Island there was a maternal and child death which caused quite a stir on the Island. The story as told by the boyfriend of the deaceased on national T.V. goes like this. He arrived at the hospital about 10.00pm with his girlfriend who was experiencing labor pains. He left his girlfriend in the vehicle and went to the nurses station to get the nurses. The door to the nurses station was closed and he kept banging on it to alert the nurses who refused to open the door and attend to him. When they finally did, he was told that there were no midwives and so he should take his spouse to another hospital which was approximately twenty miles away. The men said he responded that his wife was having strong contractions and that he had come to an institution where he knew that he would obtain help and he was being turned away.

From what else he said, it would seem that a quarrel ensued during which time the man said the proceeded to the police station, which is not too far away from the hospital to get the police to have the nurse to assist his girlfriend. Meanwhile the young lady's sister was left with her. On his return he found that his girlfriend had already delivered in the vehicle. He screems at the nurse, "you see what I was telling you, look my girlfriend has delivered in the vehicle." Then the nurse orders the orderly to get the wheelchair ,she comes out to assit, all the time grumbling that she was not aware if the client attended pre natal clinic, done required investigations and tha tthe clients' blood had spilled on her uniformed. she refused to call the ambulance to transfer the client when the clients sister begged her to do so. The baby and the mother were eventually taken into the hospital and were then franticlly worked on. The baby died soon after, the mother was transported via ambulance to the other hospital where she later died. This is what the spouse said on national television. This hospital indeed has a problem with shortages of nursing staff, particularly midwives, however I believe the nurse did handle the situation badly. Evidently she was not in sync with W.H.O.'s World Health Theme for 2005 "Every mother and child counts.

I didn't take your responses amiss at all. I've thought more about this and would like to add to what I said before.

I spoke of a professional distance that docs seem to have and nurses don't
When I was in labor, indeed, any time I have been hospitalized, I felt like the doc, male or female, and I met face to face. But I felt like the nurse was by my side. He/she was my advocate, almost an extension of myself. This was definitely a more intimate relationship. The docs talked to me, wrote orders, did procedures, etc., and then left. The nurses took care of me, cleaned me up, held my hand, helped me figure out what I needed, and were never too far away.

This might be politically incorrect but I think it's worth observing. The position of Doctor is more like that of a father (challenging in some ways, goal-directed, less personal, less present). The position of Nurse is more like that of a mother (nurturing, person-directed, more intimate, more present). Having said that, people of either sex CAN and SHOULD do either job. And they should be able to do so without losing their gender identity.

Overall, I think it's just a matter of time and acclimation until men in L&D seem ordinary. We're well accustomed to male OBs now but initially (100 years ago or so) they were considered scandalous.

This might seem off topic but bear with me. My 94 yo grandmother had to spend her last two years in a nursing home. She was terrified, at first, of both black CNAs of either gender and male white CNAs. It was totally a lack of exposure. She'd grown up in a little rural town and lived a very sheltered life. The nursing home accommodated her a bit at first because she was so scared. But gradually, they had to nudge her into acceptance. Initially, two girls would take care of her, one white, one black. Then, as she got to know more CNAs, she started to like certain ones and they'd joke around in a gentle way and tell her about their families. After a few months, I don't think she saw color anymore. She knew who she liked and who treated her well. The final hurdle was crossed when she let this giant black male CNA lift her out of bed and set her into her wheelchair. She loved him because she was in such pain and he was always so careful of her. We had initially wondered how she would do in this place that was so frightening and foreign to her. Kind hearts and good care won her over so that when she died after two years, she left small personal items to all of her regular caretakers. Those CNAs cried with us and some of them came to her funeral.

I think that's the ticket for any nurse--a kind heart and good care. What more can anyone offer.

Regards,
Miranda F.

Miranda - your post about your grandmother was very moving. My grandmother ended up in a nursing home and had the same experience but it was mostly due to her private nature. You lose all semblance of privacy in a nursing home and it was very hard for her as she was an independent soul who lived alone and took care of her home and yard all by herself. She too was won over by some kind and caring people, male and female.

I think your attitude is smart and also caring. Don't initially take umbrage at what you perceive to be bias . .. wait it out, win them over, take your time. Love wins in the end.

steph

I think you should go for it if you want to! There are male ob/gyns so why shouldn't there be male l&d nurses? And male nurses can take care of women and babies all over the hospital so again, why not l&d. I had a male nurse when I was going through a stillbirth in l&d. I found him to be no different than any other nurse I've had.

Rebecca

I think it is a wonderful place I support male nurses 110 percent My best friend is the wonderful male nurse!!!

This is my first reply to anything on here so I am not quite sure how it works but here it goes. I love L&D and I can't see where a male nurse in L&D would be a bad thing. We had a surgical tech in our L&D and when there was not surgery going on he played the role of a patient care tech in L&D and most of the ladies loved him and actually thought he was a nurse. He never told them any different and or course he did not do anything that a nurse would do for them but usually the women did not mind him.