I need some insight into how to let go of something that happened to me recently.
First, just a bit of background. I have been a L&D nurse for many years. I have been wrong on VE's a few times as every L&D nurse. I look for something to learn from my mistakes and move on.
Recently, I had a very difficult labor (primip) that required INTENSE coaching from the time she arrived until delivery. Epidural was not even effective for this young lady. She continued to scream and thrash until finally I did a VE and felt no cervix. Called MD and he said start pushing, he would be right there.
After less than 10 min pushing I checked and things did not feel normal. Stopped pushing and called MD. MD arrived and found swollen cervix. I was devastated as I have honestly never
had a mama push too soon before.
Baby born from OA position a couple of hours later with vacuum assist. Mom and baby in good condition. Mom did have a rather nasty tear but no other obvious complication to either.
Here's my problem. I am terrified of having a labor patient now.....
I feel inept and unsure of my skills. I am afraid my pts will "somehow" know I messed up and will not relax and trust me anymore. How can I expect them to trust me if I no longer trust myself?
I have talked to my manager and the doctor who both told me to forget it and move on. But I can't seem to forgive myself. Help me.
I am ready to work at Burger King now.
Jun 3, '08
Nurturing -angel, I think you are being very hard on yourself. You know that not every labor and delivery is the same and there are times when things can go wrong... Nothing here went irreversibly wrong. Perhaps what is damaged is your ego. If you are a highly capable nurse who has always been successful it is had to cope when things do not go well and the outcome is less than the absolute best. You have very good high standards which is why you feel so bad... You expect only the best from your work and that can stress you out. My suggestion is that you use this occasion to learn that there are things beyond our control and your capacity as an RN is just as strong if not better now. Learn from each and every patient. You have now broadened your L&D experiences, see it that way. Do not take the incident in a negative way use it in a POSITIVE way. I hope this helps at least a little. Would like some french fries with that??
Last edit by irish6363 on Jun 3, '08