Lesbian L and D nurse

Audrey,
I understand your concerns completely. I'm 36 yrs old and have been with my partner for 11 years and counting. People do regard our orientation as "sexual" unfortunately. I knew my entire life that I was gay, but never, ever allowed myself to admire a woman from afar in the way that heterosexual men and women gawk at each other---"whether checking out a package/bulge,rack, talking about how hot someone is, etc". I did try to conform and did not begin dating women until my early 20s, but even at this point in my life, I am "out" to very, very few people. And our lives are not about sex, any more than that of a straight person. Its really about connection, support, friendship and love. In fact, as I finish my last semester of nursing school, the last thing on my mind is sex!

During my maternity rotation, I had a lot of the concerns that my patients would be uncomfortable if they knew. I knew that they would/could not know as I am very feminine in appearance, but those feelings were due to my own paranoia and stigma. The last thing that that I would ever want to do is make anyone uncomfortable, so I can respect someone's feelings as they are in a powerless and vulnerable position. Unfortunately, it may not be so easy for those gay women that are androgynous or "butch" in appearance. But my reasons for going in to nursing are not so that I can check out women, but rather because I know that I am capable, knowledgable and have a geniune desire to take care of people during their time of need.

I do not expect to be asked in an interview if I am homosexual nor do I plan to out myself to coworkers/mgmt w/ an "I'm here and queer campaign", so from that perspective, no one would ever know. However I would like to feel like a part of the team/unit by being able to attend a happy hour function or party or being able to talk about my weekend or my vacation plans or the funny movie we saw without feeling like it will come back to bite me b/c of someone's homophobia. Socializing w/ coworkers that bring their husbands and always ask "where is your bf/husband?" gets old. Even now, I attend NS in Podunk, TX and have to endure homophobic comments from students AND instructors regarding "going to see all the faggots at the gay pride parade" or being warned by our instructors that "we WILL at some point have to take care of a gay pt and to be prepared to be hit on or groped and to know how to handle yourself". Unbelievable!

I was in fact terminated from a job because of my orientation. I do not have proof or legal recourse, but am highly suspect given a rave review and $10,000 salary increase a month before I was laid off because the practice decided to go in a "different direction". What led up to that was the addition of my partner as a beneficiary in my life insurance plan 2 weeks before my layoff. Prior to this, everyone assumed that I had a boyfriend and that my partner was just a friend. So they did the math and low and behold I was no longer needed. The doc's friend was our agent and I was the Practice Manager. Whatever---they actually did me a favor as I found a fantastic and better paying job in a GLBT agency afterwards. Everything happens for a reason. Its just funny that I live in the 4th largest city in America and still see rampant discrimination and homophobia so often.

Anyway, I've rambled on about this, but know that you are not alone in your concerns and kudos to you for being strong enough to be open about your partner when asked. Follow your heart and your dreams b/c life is too short to look back later and say "If only I had...."

Good luck to you!!!

I just read this whole thread and something stood out to me, someone said how sometimes they know someone is lesbian by their hair and clothes. I am curious as to what clothes and hair styles are reserved only for lesbians???


As far as the OP, I have had 4 children with lots of different staff, male and female, I don't recall in any of my births ever thinking "hmmm is she gay?" There were some things I was uncomfortable with, like my first child I was a teen and scared and had no control over my pain and a Doc walks in my room during all this, that had just came in from his jog and wanted to say hi to another Doc in my room, he was in sweats and very sweaty and was totally insensitive to the fact that I was trying to have a baby. That made me extremely uncomfortable, in fact I screamed at him to GET OUT. Never did the thought of a gay person possibly being in the room cross my mind. I highly doubt it crosses most minds when they are in pain in a situation like that.

Good luck in what you do.

If you are concerned about your co-workers asking "Where's your boyfriend", don't be. I am a heterosexual female for whom dating is nearly impossible for reasons I won't go into here (and I have known this since I was 15) and I live in a rural area that is very familial and territorial, and for me, "Go out and meet men" is a waste of time.

It's none of their business.

I have not read the many of the responses but can guess that they are variable and some valid others not. I have known several lesbian L&D nurses. Some were great and others not. One of them was one of the best nurses I have ever known and took allot of extra care with her patients. the point being that as with so many things in life sexual orientation has very little to do with nursing. I don't know if these nurses choose to discuss their orientation with patients I would think that in most cases it wont come up and would be an issue that could cost you more energy then it is worth but in a case that it did come up I don’t think you should feel the need to lie or cover up your life.

As for how staff would treat you I do think geography would have allot to do with that as well as the kinds of nurses working there. Where I currently work we have at least 2 female nurses that are openly gay and in long term relationships. they talk about their partners and sometimes make jokes about being gay and I don't think they take much flack for any of it. I know that they go on social events with other "strait" staff members so for the most part are excepted into the community of L&D nurses. I am pretty sure that over the years there have been other lesbian nurses that have chosen to keep their orientation to themselves and I never knew the difference.

I am a male L&D nurse. I don’t have many problems with patients although it occasionally does come up. I am not gay but I know that many patients assume that I am. I used to always play along with this as i thought "if it makes them feel better then who cares" as of late I have begin to mention my wife and kids when opportunity / conversation lends its self to that. I really don’t care if people think I am gay but just like I said you shouldn’t feel the need to hide your life from patients I stated to feel i was doing this and felt it was somehow wrong. It hasn’t seemed to affect things but I am also allot more experienced in L&D and I know this is evident to my patients and perhaps this is part of the equation.

Anyway I can tell you that you and I have some issues in common and that well people will not react the same to a lesbian women as they would a strait man working as a nurse in L&D, there are some similarities.

My biggest problem comes not from patients but from staff. I used to accept this as a given fact and approached things with the thinking that i had to live with this because i was different. I have changed my view mostly because i have been threw the ringer many many times and have decided that I don’t have to take crap or prove myself to anyone just because i am a man. I don’t know which is the right way to approach it. i just know that I am tired of the same old questions, issues and situations that I have to deal with every few years because i was forced to leave another job and start all over due to the "male thing" again. So this last time I have turned in every person that has made a comment or treated me differently. I don't let people slide when they treat me differently but instead call them out and resolve the issue and let my managers know about the conversation. I would much rather take the time to show those people that their ideas about me are wrong and gain their trust but I think that in doing that I somehow made people feel that they were justified in having a opinion about me based only on my gender/orientation and this lead to later problems.

I did not read the post by the person about being abused but i did read your response and thought it a good one. I would like to make the comment that while this may be the way some abuse victims feel it is not the only view held by abuse victims. nurses tend to carry stronger bias against men/lesbians then the general public so don’t take one view point as the only representation of people in that category. I have heard different statistics but somewhere in the range of 33% of women have been sexually assaulted (to varying degrees in their life). I have cared for thousands of patients so I know that many of them have at some point been assaulted. patients refuse my care based on gender (this is the only reason i have ever been fired) about 2-3 times a year so I know that a history of sexual assault is not an automatic indicator that a person is uncomfortable with me (or you). Also i have had 3 patients with strong documented histories of assault that would ask for me when ever they came in.

That was long and I am sure some of the info will help you and other parts will not. The message i want to convey is that you should not let this be an issue that keeps you out of L&D. If you truly love this area then go for it. I think there is a good chance you may encounter some problems but for the most part patients will sense your dedication and either never know or not care about your personal life. Once you are comfortable with your new skills and role as an L&D nurse I don’t think you should hide who you are to your coworkers. in the beginning with all the things you will be learning you may want to postpone the added stress of dealing with "coming out " to them. eventually though it would be more pressure for you to keep it from them then not too and let the cards fall where they may.

good luck!

WOW!!!!

I tried to read threw the posts after writeing mine I have to tip my hat to the Op for reamaining so positive and polite. I won't say anymore becuase i dont want to hyjack this post with a flame fest.

I have worked with an L&D RN who is lesbian. Aside from the legality, her coworkers never had a problem with it, not that it matters what they think, although nobody wants a hostile work environment. I don't know that her patients ever knew, but there was never a compaint if they did. She did not introduce herself "Hello my name is Nurse "Jane" and I am a lesbian, but if they asked about her significant other, I doubt she would be the person to hide her lifestyle.

I feel badly for you, mcs1505. 1 in 3 sexual assaults, and I, too, one of them. I can understand why you may be uncomfortable with a male caregiver, but I don't see how a lesbian female caregiver is the same. I hope some day your scars will heal from that unfortunate event.

However, I don't think I'm so fly that every lesbian would throw themselves at me.

OP, IF you're compassionate and going to talk me through my contractions and remind me that I'm doing this for the bundle of joy I'm going to be holding soon, if you can react to my babies decels or make sure I'm not bleeding too much after... If you are going to get my baby to latch, then rock on, sister!

Follow your heart and don't let who your attracted to deter you from your passion. If anything should deter you, you should see the threads about paralyzing epidurals or mean doctors or crash c/s gone horribly wrong
Kidding!!! New OB nurse here (5 months) But that's for another thread