L&D Nurses who have no living children

  1. I'm really drawn to babies and labor and delivery. When I was first pregnant several years ago I read TONS of books and decided I really wanted to be a midwife one day. I lost that pregnancy at 23 weeks and it was very devastating for me. When I graduated from nursing school I went into ICU instead of L&D because my wounds still felt fresh and I didn't want to feel jealous of my patients -- I wanted to feel happy for their new additions.

    So, more than a few years have gone by and I got a GREAT job on a wonderful L&D unit. I'm in the orientation this week -- just the one where human resources goes over everything with you. I haven't even worked on the unit yet.

    I just found out my baby died a couple days ago (I was 10 weeks pregnant). This was my husband and mine's second pregnancy. I am really devastated.

    I honestly think I'd be a GREAT L&D nurse. I've got all the critical thinking and multi-tasking skills of an ICU nurse but I'm also really kind and good at explaining things and making people comfortable. I just don't want to be sad or emotional about my work because of my person life and frustrations.

    I'm supposed to be back in my orientation seat tomorrow at 8am.

    I know no one here can tell me what to do, but I just wanted to write out my thoughts and maybe get some experiences or feedback. Thanks so much.
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  2. 19 Comments

  3. by   ElvishDNP
    I am so very sorry that you've experienced two losses. Those babies will always be as precious to you as any living ones you may have in the future, and it is important to grieve those losses.

    You are only human, and your life sometimes does overlap into your work, for whatever reason. I really think your coworkers would understand if you asked not to be assigned to any moms who've suffered losses in the next few weeks or months. Do the best you can. If you need to take 5 minutes to go in the bathroom and cry, do it. If anything, this will surely make you a better nurse. When you DO get to the point of being able to care for families experiencing a loss, you'll be able to do it in a way none of us who haven't lost babies would be able to.

    You will do fine. Hang in there. And our best thoughts and wishes go with you.
    :flowersfo
  4. by   jackson145
    First, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers. I think you'd be a great L&D nurse. Who better to help another women through a similar situation? A lot of L&D nurses wouldn't know personally what it was like to experience this. The question is whether you will be happy working in that area at this time. Only you know if you're ready.
  5. by   rnmomtobe2010
    Darling,
    You will get through this. You have my sympathy and I know where you are coming from. I lost a child that I really wanted at 7 weeks and I thought my world had ended. I prayed and asked the good Lord why and he said to me that it was not "time". Ecclesiastes 3 talks about everything has it's time. Read that and you will see what I am talking about. I have just come to the realization that anybody who just accepts what God allows will be better off. You are in my prayers and I know that you will make it through this.:spin:
  6. by   FireStarterRN
    At our hospital one of our nurses had fertility problems. She's the sweetest person in the world. She longed for a child. She eventually adopted a baby that was being surrendered by one of her patients! Her boy is just about 2 now, and she is so happy! He even looks like her!

    I have a close friend who works L&D. She is childless, she is in her 50s. She loves her job. In her case, she didn't have a big longing for her own, and ended up with a hysterectomy in her 30s.
  7. by   RhodyGirl, RN
    As a woman who has suffered a miscarriage, I feel your pain. Just typing this is bringing tears to my eyes. Nothing will take the hurt away, and time will only lessen it.
    But, I think you will regret not sticking with this new position. It seems to be something that would be a good fit for your personality and interests.
    And just think, when you are finally blessed with a baby, you can share experiences with your patients.

    I am so, so sorry for your loss.

    Best wishes.
  8. by   imenid37
    You sound like a lovely person and a wonderful nurse. I think you will be an asset in L/D. Do you need a little time off? I am truly sorry for your loss. As you know, only you can decide what to do and what is in your heart. When you are ready, I think you will be a real asset to L/D.
    Last edit by imenid37 on Dec 5, '07
  9. by   Nicky30
    I am so sorry that you can't hold your angels in your arms, but you are still a mum. Don't let it hold you back from where you want to work.

    I love L & D too and hope to work there some day permanently, I have two children, but also miscarried after my husbands vasectomy (this causes a great deal of sorrow as I know there will never be any more). I have found that when working in L & D that I do not even think about my own loss. New families is all I can think about. I sometimes shed a few tears at home, but I can't let it stop me doing what I love too. :spin:

    Nicky.
  10. by   SANDRA RN
    Only you know if you can handle working L&D right now. I would suggest talking with a pastor, counselor or even a dear trusted friend. I struggled with infertility for 6years. Took fertility drugs for a year-miscarried at 5weeks. My husband and I were going to adopt a beautiful baby, brought him home and 2weeks later the birth mother wanted him back. These were the two most painful times in my life, but with God's help and a WHOLE LOT of FAITH we made it through. Then God blessed us when we least expected it. I got pregnant and now I have a beautiful spoiled rotten 3year old daughter.
    just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. God has a special plan for you.
  11. by   SICU Queen
    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    It could be very difficult, at first, for you to work with new moms and their babies. That being said, I think you'd be a perfect nurse for L&D. You're obviously drawn to it, and you'd be especially helpful to women going through a loss of their own.

    Get some counseling to help you deal with your own loss, then do what your heart tells you to do.
  12. by   Bayley
    i am so sorry for your loss. i think losing a child is something you never really get over. i should have been about 7 months pregnant now, but i lost my child at 9 weeks. despite going through that, however, i still hope to work in the labour and delivery department after finishing nursing school. only you can decide what the right decision is for you, but i think you would make an excellent addition to their unit and truly appreciate the miracles that would be happening around you everyday. good luck.
  13. by   MarySunshine
    Thank you very sincerely to everyone who replied. I truly appreciate all of your support and encouragement. I have continued with the orientation process and I think things will be okay. I just wish the miscarriage part was over with. I really want a D&E and they don't have any space for me until Wednesday.

    Thanks again.
  14. by   rnmomtobe2010
    That is what we are here for and you would be surprised how many of us have gone through similar situations. It hurts and can get depressing, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish you all the best and please keep us posted about what you decide...k?:spin:

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