Husbands or S/O's at routine exam - page 5

Wondering what your experiences or facilities policies are about husbands or significant others attending their partners routine gyn exams? I know it is fairly common for the husband to attend some... Read More

  1. by   KellNY
    Quote from elizabeth321
    Is it ok if I share my opinion or do I have to agree with everyone else to be given that priviledge?

    Liz
    Of course, anyone can share their opinion, no one is saying you can't. But stating something like
    that won't be happening while I am the nurse in the room.
    is not an opinion, it's a bold, controlling statement.

    Had you said, "It would make me uncomfortable" or "I'd rather it not happen", that would have been an opinion. But when you try to take control away from the patient for no justifiable reason (none that was provided, anyway) then yes, people are allowed to respectfully question that decision--which again, shouldn't be yours to make.

    Hope this helped to clarify.
  2. by   mercyteapot
    Although I'm not interested in having dh at these appointments, I'd think long and hard about a PCP who didn't make every reasonable attempt to accommodate my feelings. If there just plain old isn't room for anyone else at the foot of the bed, then that's the way it has to be. If it is just a matter of a headstrong nurse who thinks she's going to dictate to me what I can and can't do, um, no thank you. Time to find another provider.
  3. by   txspadequeenRN
    You seem to think you have more control than you really do. If I am the patient and it makes me comfortable to have my husband there and he decides to go take a peek.. that ain't none of your business .It's mine. I have been the OB/GYN nurse and welcomed the S/O in if the lady was ok with it. I don't know what title you have but you need to get over yourself..

    Quote from elizabeth321
    It isn't entirely up to the doctor....I have a job to do as well. No doctor that I work with in any area of my practise dictates how things will be done...esp during a gyne exam....I am the one that sets up, supports during and finishes up in the room long after the doctor leaves. I also had him swabs, makes sure equipment is accessible etc. This is in the er but often they are routine exams....

    Is it ok if I share my opinion or do I have to agree with everyone else to be given that priviledge?

    Liz
  4. by   CrunchRN
    I do feel strongly that it should be the womans choice as long as the person is appropriate.

    The woman is the one who is lying there vulnerable...........................

    I have had to trip over the occasional rugrat or whatever when trying to assist the doc, but i have never had it be anything but a monir annoyance.

    If I'm lying there naked I am calling the shots!
  5. by   Batman24
    It actually is up to the doctor and not the nurse. Why would the nurse have final say when she isn't the one even performing the exam?! I would never even think to ask to nurse for permission in this instance. I would advise the doctor of my wishes and that would be that. If the nurse had an issue then she could leave the room. If the doctor had an issue then I would request another doctor in the practice or switch practices entirely.

    If a nurse feels uncomfortable then she should share that info with the doctor prior to the exam. . She shouldn't be forced to be in the room, but she also shouldn't try to control and dictate the situation to her own feelings and needs. That isn't her call. And I would hate to think that patient comfort is being denied due to a nurse's personal feelings or control issues. That's unfair to the patient.
    Last edit by Batman24 on Feb 20, '07
  6. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from CrunchRN

    If I'm lying there naked I am calling the shots!

    I agree.

    steph
  7. by   walker shaw
    First, I agree with KellNY, CrunchRN, Batman24, and the others who believe that it is the patient's choice, and I really appreciate their comments and encouragement. I strongly agree with Batman24's comments in post #57 - Thanks, Batman! When I first posted, I was uncertain how a request for DH to attend, and then possibly observe my routine exam would be viewed. I am encouraged and happy that the majority believe there is no problem with it, that it is my choice, and that there really isn't a reason for the doctor to refuse such a request.

    I disagree with elizabeth321, and as I said before, we will have to agree to disagree. That said, I am curious why elizabeth321 feels as strongly as she does for her position. It seems to me that elizabeth321 is as strongly opposed to DH being ANYWHERE but the head of the exam table (if even there) during an exam, as I strongly believe he should be able to observe from the foot end (elizabeth321 and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to the presence or location of DH during an exam). I'd like to ask elizabeth321 to explain her reasoning, if she would, BUT given the following facts:

    - ROUTINE annual exam, not an emergency situation

    - patient consents to DH/SO's presence during exam, and patient further consents to DH/SO watching from the foot of the table area

    - exam room IS large enough to accommodate patient, doctor, nurse and DH/SO easily; ie: space is NOT an issue

    - DH/SO simply wants to observe, won't be asking for medical instruction or "what's this, why do you do that" kind of questions

    - DH/SO will not be in the way of the doctor or nurse - he can stand behind them, or at the very foot of the table and observe by looking over my leg

    - all equipment/supplies are right behind the doctor and nurse, so nurse does NOT have to move past DH/SO to get supplies or to help w/ tests - DH/SO will literally be the fly on the wall, but will be able to see everything that is going on

    - doctor has allowed DH in the room during the exam before and has never had a problem with it, but DH has not asked to observe - simply sat in the chair near the doctor's desk

    I'm not trying to pin elizabeth321 into a corner with the above given facts, but that is the situation, and I can't understand why she is so adamant that DH/SO must be at the head only. Thus, I invite her to explain why she has the opinion she does.
  8. by   Lovely_RN
    As long as it is truly ok with the patient I think it's a great idea to have a SO/spouse at the head of the bed. Some men are truly ignorant of female anatomy and can use all the help they can get.
  9. by   TrudyRN
    [quote=KellNY;2002338]

    I understand the rationale behind it sometimes--you want to ask about abuse, past pregnancies/abortions, drug use, etc. But you need to look at it this way--some people need a support person. Maybe they're incredibly shy. Maybe they were victims of sexual abuse in the past and can't do a pelvic alone. Maybe the couple is really that close, and share things like that. Maybe according to their religion, the husband has to be a part of the medical decision making process. Maybe she doesn't care one way or the other, but the SO is very interested to learn about his partner's body.

    I think it should be up to the patient. I'll even go so far as to say that I really don't think we need to do all that history-taking. Who cares if someone had abortions, previous pregnancies, etc., or what their mother or grandmother died from. Really, what is the real point of all that history?
  10. by   TrudyRN
    Quote from elizabeth321
    It isn't entirely up to the doctor....I have a job to do as well. No doctor that I work with in any area of my practise dictates how things will be done...esp during a gyne exam....I am the one that sets up, supports during and finishes up in the room long after the doctor leaves. I also had him swabs, makes sure equipment is accessible etc. This is in the er but often they are routine exams....

    Is it ok if I share my opinion or do I have to agree with everyone else to be given that priviledge?

    Liz
    Liz, it might not really be safe to disagree too vigorously. People here tend to report you to the moderators if they find you offensive. Then you get sanctioned.

    I agree that, in the ER, it MIGHT be a truly emergent situation, in which case the best thing to do is to not have the husband, boyfriend, SO present, despite the patient's wishes.
  11. by   DebblesRN
    I must be one of the wierd ones here.

    I just don't think I would feel all that comfortable with my husband at the foot of the table looking up my hoo haw, asking my GYN for an anatomy lesson. He has seen it all, and been through two childbirths, etc, but when it comes to internal exams, he doesn't want to be involved anyway, but I just feel better having him sit in the waiting room, or at home with our kids or whatever.

    When I had my miscarraige, he hung out during the exam, but he was very uncomfortable, and hid in the corner with a horrified look on his face, but he did it for me because he loves me, and I was very distraught about the whole thing.

    I guess I can say this--I certainly do not want to be present during my hubby's proctology exam either. I think GYN exams, and proctology exams are not only unpleasant, but embarrassing, and I don't get why you would want anyone there to witness that kind of humiliation, for a routine check-up.

    Please please please don't take this as if I am dissing anyone who wants hubby there, or anything like that. This is just my personal opinion. I think if it is alright with the patient for SO/hubby to be there, and the doctor is fine with it, and SO/hubby is not in the way or being inappropriate, that it is just fine.
  12. by   walker shaw
    Had my exam last week, and at least from the perspective of the question/subject of this thread, it went wonderful! I have to say that I really feel comfortable w/ my OB/GYN - he's one great doc. There apparently were a few cancellations that day, so instead of doing my mammogram then returning for my pap, etc an hour later, when they came out to get me for my mammogram, they said my OB/GYN could see me right after, and that the radiologist?? should take me to room ## after my mammogram.

    Dear Hubby was with me in the waiting room when they told me this, and as I was getting up to go for the mammogram, he just asked the nurse if he could come - she didn't bat an eyelash, said sure, and she took him to the exam room while I did the mammogram - he ended up watching TV in the exam room while waiting for me.

    Finally, when I got to the exam room, the usual chit-chat update w/ the nurse, take off your clothes, and my OB/GYN comes in - hubby had decided he wanted to watch, but we were both a little anxious as to how to ask/what to say - so hubby was kind of sitting on the filing cabinet next to the desk - my OB/GYN, hubby and I did the normal chit chat while my OB/GYN sat on his stool at the desk - when it was finally time for the exams, my OB/GYN didn't even call his nurse back in, he just did them w/o even paying attention to hubby standing there, and exam was done!

    Didn't appear that my OB/GYN was bothered in the least by hubby's presence, or that he felt it was unusual for me to have someone there with me.

    Just wanted to update everyone and say THANKS for your advice and re-assurances!
  13. by   KellNY
    Yay! Glad it went well, and thanks for the update!

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