Funny OB things people say

We had a mom say something kinda funny. The nurse was getting consents signed. When they came to the one for Hep B vaccine, the mom said, "That's the one where you poke the foot, right?"

No...uhh...you're thinking of the newborn screen. LOL

Believe it or not, she has other children.

I had a dad that after the birth of his beautiful baby boy kept asking when we would do the baby's cesearan (circumsion). After the third time I couldn't help but giggle.

OH GOSH....I HAVE A MILLION OF THESE.

The first one that comes to mind is the pt that asked how her baby would breath after the water was broken......same patient called me back in a little while later to say that she thought she heard her baby cry....while still in utero....

I wish I had a penny for every time the patient asks...."will this hurt the baby?" usually in reference to pain meds or the epidural...

and to this day I am still amazed how many adult, well educated women don't know they have 2 holes down there....actually 3....for anyone who is confused....
1. anus
2. vagina
3. urethra

I would guess 20-30% of the average population think they pee/have sex/birth babies/mensturate....all out of the same hole...

My SIL's college roommate didn't know there were three holes either. She didn't find out until my SIL told her (not sure how the topic came about LOL)... but I thought that was quite odd. Even my 8 yr old DD knows the difference between them all!

I had a patient not too long ago that had her baby and almost immediately started to come down with the stomach flu... the same one her entire family had. She thought she was safe in the hospital. She was scheduled for a tubal the following morning and at some point during our super busy night a fellow nurse of mine came to get me and let me know that the patient was extremely nauseated... Well we entered the room just in time to see her vomit big time all over herself and her bed... We both just sort of stood there for a moment trying to decide how to attack the job in front of us... And the patient says... And I quote "Is this going to mess up my tubular" Tubular... I nearly wet my pants LOL... I decided to leave the room to "get some supplies" and gather my self so I could re-enter the room!

On the subject of the "three holes" My MIL is nearing 60 has had 5 children vaginally and did not know that UTI's/yeast infections affected two different parts of the anatomy. She had suffered from "infections" for years but had no clue that they were not exactly the same thing. Sad!!

Pt. was having a tubal w/ C/S. Changed her mind in case "everything wasn't okay w/ baby" and she was scared of the tubal. In a few months, my husband is going to have "that sex change operation so we don't have any more kids." I didn't get a chance to ask him what he thought about that one. He was scared of the hospital (wait until he had the op, for real fear), so she brought her mom w/ her.
We have had GYN pts too that are, age 60+ who did not know "there were three holes down there"One lady we were trying to teach self-cath called her sister and the sister also was "really surprised" about the "other hole thing."

Pt. calling to confirm there is a bed....

"Hi, I was just wondering if there was a bed available for my reduction".

Called pt to tell her that her elective induction at 39.5 weeks has been put on hold.....G3P2

FOB called back 5 min later very upset stating "you can't do this to us....we have spent hundreds of dollers having things engraved with the baby's birthday in it....and we paid to have her parents fly in just for today....I'm gonna sue the hospital for the cost of all this if you don't induce her today"

me "and if she would have gone into labor yesterday would you have sued god?"

HE had no response