Funny OB things people say - page 5

I'm sure we all have stories about patients requesting their "epidermal" and the likes of that, let's share some here. Now, while I never encourage laughing at or making fun of patients, this is a... Read More

  1. by   L&D RN 2B
    Quote from RNmama05
    Our patients can't wait to "get my epidoodle cause it gonna hurt when that baby come out my dookie shoot".
    I had a teenager ask me if the baby would come out of her "butthole" b/c that was how she got pregnant (anal sex).

    ~J
  2. by   mgalloLPN
    I had a teenager ask me if the baby would come out of her "butthole" b/c that was how she got pregnant (anal sex).

    ~J[/quote]


    Again, wow.
  3. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from mindyg22
    I had a teenager ask me if the baby would come out of her "butthole" b/c that was how she got pregnant (anal sex).

    ~J

    Again, wow.[/quote]
    Hmmm, I've been around 64 years and I didn't know that. Guess ya can learn something new no matter how old you get. Anyway, I wonder if she had a fistula, and got preggy that way.






  4. by   dusky1228
    On my 21st birthday (many, many moons ago....) I was working on the postpartum unit, and imagine my surprise when I received flowers delivered to me at work from my mom for my birthday......addressed to me at the "Post-Mortem Unit"!!!
    I wonder how the patients would have felt knowing they were on a "Post-Mortem Unit".......... <g>
  5. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from dusky1228
    On my 21st birthday (many, many moons ago....) I was working on the postpartum unit, and imagine my surprise when I received flowers delivered to me at work from my mom for my birthday......addressed to me at the "Post-Mortem Unit"!!!
    I wonder how the patients would have felt knowing they were on a "Post-Mortem Unit".......... <g>
    I'll bet some of them would have freaked out.
  6. by   jklkbk
    yes, you're right. the reason for the removal of the clitoris is to decrease sexual pleasure-so the girl/woman does not fool around. you still have a urethea.
  7. by   tmrnc
    I have heard about 100 names for the vagina from various patients. Here are the ones I can think of off the top of my head:
    Kitty cat, Kit cat, Kitty, C-A-T, who-who, Peekachu, girlfriend, nu-nu, tootie, ho-ho, snatch, toot-toot, coochie, bagina, and of course the "p" word.
  8. by   Dayray
    hmm ok

    Gyn-ie-butt ie "are you gunna have to check in my Gyn-ie-butt?"

    pateint comes in (very scared) "my baby is having seizures!" - place her on the monitor and hear hic-ups

    "Is there going to be room for the baby to come out?" - in refernace to a foley beign placed

    "can you lace my dughters Iv with potasium?" umm sure, she getting on your nerves?

    "did you ask the doctor abotu that?" - when explainign why pitocin is beign started "I sure would but he is 20 miles away and sleeping"

    Guy come to the desk (very disturbed look on his face) "yes my wife and I are suposed to meet out doctor here. but now there is soem old lady in there checkign my wifes cervix" - " oh you mean your nurse?"


    "can you tie my tubes for me?" "sure ill have the doctor talk to you about it" "no can you just do it?" "no thats surgery and you need a doctor for surgery" "no cant you just stick your fingers up there and do it?" (deep breath and pushed back a laugh) "no it has to be done in an operating room and they do it threw your belly" "oh , well my brother in law did it for me last time but they came untied. thats why i got pregnent" - yeah I wasnt gunna ask about that.

    once had a pateints mom (after her delivery) try to sit me up with her twin sister "she look just like her, dont you think she is a beautaful girl?" I somehow managed to play it off without running away screaming I mean , she was a beutaful girl but I wasnt going to say that after just staring at her vagina for 2 hours and it didnt seem right to say eeeww no she is'nt my type.

    vaginal-bypass lol love that one

    I love the mothers of pateints who come in and tell the most incredable stories of 3 week labors and c/s without anathesia dry birt - i just say "wow that must have been awful" those stories are important for them even if they are not real

    cant think of anymore atm darn sleeping pill
  9. by   ElvishDNP
    Quote from Dayray
    pateint comes in (very scared) "my baby is having seizures!" - place her on the monitor and hear hic-ups
    The first time I heard that it kinda flipped me out, though! It is a rather unique sound.
  10. by   gemininurse71
    I was walking back from lunch break, just passing the OR suite, when a man approached me and asked if his wife's 'circumcision' was over.

    Several pts/SO/family members wonder how the baby will come out if the foley cath is inserted. I guess many people don't realize there are more than one opening.

    The clincher: a first time dad-to-be (totally serious) asked why it was that pregnant ladies have such "huge turds". He went on to describe the size and consistency of his wife's bowel movements. I had a really hard time keeping a straight face.

    Love this post, it's keeping me awake in my quiet AP rotation.

    Alison, RN L&D
  11. by   tavalon
    I had a patient tell me she was having contraptions in her eucharist. As I knew she was a Catholic and that she was trying very hard to get it, I was able to walk out before I laughed. This was 15 years ago and I still remember it. After she had her baby, I helped her learn the words correctly. She was very receptive and very interested and I made sure to be very not teasing.

    But I've always remembered it and when I hang up from a triage call and a nurse asks me what's up, I usually say "she has contraptions in her eucharist!". May the Catholic God forgive me!
  12. by   kiwilime81
    Quote from RNmama05
    Our patients can't wait to "get my epidoodle cause it gonna hurt when that baby come out my dookie shoot".
    :chuckle:chuckle:chuckle
  13. by   SassyJennRN
    Quote from Dayray
    hmm ok



    "can you tie my tubes for me?" "sure ill have the doctor talk to you about it" "no can you just do it?" "no thats surgery and you need a doctor for surgery" "no cant you just stick your fingers up there and do it?" (deep breath and pushed back a laugh) "no it has to be done in an operating room and they do it threw your belly" "oh , well my brother in law did it for me last time but they came untied. thats why i got pregnent" - yeah I wasnt gunna ask about that.
    my:...WHAT!

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