Funny OB things people say

ha! those are great. I have one, the other day my patient asked me if she need to labor with her legs wide apart while bed to "help her dilate faster" wow! If that was only true...lol

I had one gal who called jaundice "bilijaun". I guess she was just saving time by combining the two words! I thought it was cute.

Ok, I'll just stick with this past week to keep it short:

We had a pt come up to the counter to be "triaged" and when asked what was wrong, she said, "my naval is ripping and it hurts" Well, she was pretty far along in her pg...maybe she was getting stretch marks? No, she said, "My naval is ripping"--we found no evidence of such upon examination.


Another pt comes in and says, "Every time I cough, I boo boo" Yes, with the B. I didn't quite know what she meant for a minute. Then, I realized she had gastroenteritis.

Today I had a pt who was 6-8 weeks, and was complaining of decreased fetal movement for the past 2-3 hours. I tried to explain (with my very bad spanish) that it is IMPOSSIBLE to feel movement at that stage. Well, then the FOB says, "No, I see and feel it when I go to work in the mornings. It's like 'boom boom' (punching the air)". Long story short, they had to go back to the ER (we can only treat if they are >20 weeks). What else could I do but giggle as I walked down the hall?

Some patients pass blood clogs (clots) or tell you they're going to fall out (faint). I once had a patient come in with the complaint "My little man in the boat hurts." It was the first time I'd encountered that term used for clitoris. In the olden days when we used to do X ray pelvimetry, the dads would be excited and want to know if the baby was a boy or girl (this was before ultrasound). I had to explain that as that organ had no bones, it wouldn't show up on an X ray.

Patient called to say "I lost my plug in the bathtub water when I got out", I could not resist, I asked her if she meant she lost her bathtub water plug, she paused and said "no the water didn't come out, just my plug, its floatin", I honestly peed a little. Also, had a patient just last week tell me that her "sonameter" said her baby was "breeched" last week. Oh Lord, you just know its going to be a long shift!!!

Patient just yesterday came in and on the triage paper wrote "pain in my viginil bumps"--mispellings and all. I don't know what "viginal bumps" are, but I am certainly glad I was not up for next admission!

How soon until someone names their child "Bilijuan"?

[quote=AlabamaLegalRN;2428366]Patient called to say "I lost my plug in the bathtub water when I got out",QUOTE]

One night when we had way too much time on our hands, one of the nurses mixed some ketchup with KY, put in a urine cup and labeled it, "Mucus plug for patients who come in complaining that they've lost theirs."

Love it!!!!!

Had a doc once that called vernix "angel cream"