Adoption Issues - page 2

I understand that adoption is an issue that L&D nurses must deal with. How frequently does a patient come into the hospital planning on placing a baby for adoption, but end up leaving with their... Read More

  1. by   KrisRNwannabe
    Bama I am so sorry that happened to you. In my eyes that baby was yours. That is why my friend is doing an overseas adoption so that the birth mother can't come back. THe adoption system in this country is screwed up.
  2. by   rpbear
    Adoption laws are unique to each state. I have recently gone to an adoption information seminar for health care profesionals, it was very informative in the nurses role in adoption. I agree with the others, the birth mom is treated like other mom's in the hosptial because at that point the baby is still hers, we give mom's all the choices, to see hold and care for thier baby, if she chooses not to then that is her choice, if she chooses to care for her baby then we have to let he, we can't just "take" the baby from her.

    I only work L&D, so I don't see what happens past about 3 hours after birth. Have had one open adoption with adoptive mom in the room for delivery, and have had one where birht mom just wants to know what the sex is, she didn't want to see of hold her baby. That baby was cared for by the nurses until it left the hospital with the adoption agency.
  3. by   Priddyeyez
    Bama- I am from alabama also, and 5 days after the adoption papers are signed, the birth parents cannot 'change their minds'.
  4. by   fergus51
    Quote from Rohan
    Have any of you dealt with surrogacy? Might be another thing to "prepare" for. I think that can get ugly more so than adoptions.
    We have surrogates fairly often where I work (partly because of California's laws on the matter). I've never seen any problems with it. I'd be a gestational surrogate for a couple who needed it, but they only want people who have had children already.
  5. by   twoanddone
    Quote from BamaBound2bRN
    I think the whole process of letting the birth mother interact with the baby is a grave injustice to the adoptive parents!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire My wife and I had been trying to have children for 12 years when we decided to adopt, and the hosptial had this practice of "Creating Memories". We took our daughter home and 18 MONTHS later, the sheriff showed up with papers taking OUR baby from us to give to the birth mother!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE HELL WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS PRACTICE
    I so feel for you. My parents had an open adoption. DISASTER and still is. My biological parents try to guilt me into being part of them and discredit my adoptive parents. I feel some open adoptions may work but the biological mother has to step back and know her place. Some of the bio. moms like to have their cake and eat it too
  6. by   Rohan
    Quote from fergus51
    We have surrogates fairly often where I work (partly because of California's laws on the matter). I've never seen any problems with it. I'd be a gestational surrogate for a couple who needed it, but they only want people who have had children already.

    You shouldn't be a surrogate until you have already given birth and would be okay if you couldn't have kids if something went wrong. You can end up pregnant with multiples much more easily with IVF. I was a surrogate mother and had my surrodaughter in March. I couldn't have done it without the support of the nursing staff in L&D and M&B.
  7. by   fergus51
    Quote from Rohan
    You shouldn't be a surrogate until you have already given birth and would be okay if you couldn't have kids if something went wrong. You can end up pregnant with multiples much more easily with IVF. I was a surrogate mother and had my surrodaughter in March. I couldn't have done it without the support of the nursing staff in L&D and M&B.
    I don't plan on having children of my own period, so I will never be able to be a surrogate either. I just don't feel any need to see my genes in another person (maybe that's part of me being raised by my non-bio family). If I did choose to start a family, I would rather adopt an older child who needed a home. We kind of joke that clearly the women in my family are all good at having children (we have 4 sets of twins, two babies that were born before the mom could make it to the hospital, no c-sections even with the twins), we just don't all want to raise them which is why I think surrogacy would be a nice thing. My mom couldn't carry a baby to term which is why they adopted, but nowadays with adoption being so difficult I don't know if they could have done it. I think surrogacy is the new way of making sure that great parents like them have the chance to become parents.

    I'm glad things worked out well for you and you felt supported by the staff in the hospital I think what you did for that family is a wonderful thing.
  8. by   malibu03
    In my short OB career, (4 months) I have seen 4 pts chose not to parent their infants. All four of these birth mothers did in fact end up terminating their parental rights, although there was one patient I was pretty sure would end up deciding not to go through with it. She and her BF (not the FOB) bonded w/ the baby, changed diapers, cared for him, etc.

    In our hospital, we allow (if we have room) the adoptive parents to stay in a room and also spend time with the baby. I think I must live in a unique county, something about adoptive parents being able to have the infant as soon as the court papers are signed, and I think in neighboring counties, the infant must first go to foster care.

    I am in a special position in that I am (or will be soon) an adoptive parent. I will hopefully be going to China to get our daughter within the next 8 weeks . Naturally, I think I sympathize with the adoptive parents, but want what's best for the child.
  9. by   Fergfrog
    Hi Bama,I cannot imagine how this could have happened to you! My daughter put her baby up for adoption about 18 months ago, and the birth father's rights terminated the moment he signed (and had notarized) the form relinquishing his rights. My daughter signed papers (in front of a judge) when the baby was 11 days old, and was told that unless some extreme circumstance were to arise within the next 10 days) that her rights would be terminated 10 days later. They both understood that under NO circumstance whatsoever would they ever have any legal rights to the child again. Had the birthparents not relinquished their rights to the child in your case? I will say that without the opportunity to hold and spend time with her baby in the hospital, I don't think my daughter would have been willing to follow through with the adoption. I am so sorry for your pain, Lisa in TN
  10. by   BamaBound2bRN
    Well ain't this just a dandy bit of liberal bleeding heart poor mother load of crap. The birth mother was a single mother who had been in and out of jail- not the ideal mother- and she just changed her mind and we got stuck with the hospital bills. As far as the courts are concerned- most states allow anywhere from 12months to 5 years for the birth mother, biological father, or any grandparent to "Change their minds." And yes- most of these are incubators who only care about the money!!:angryfire
  11. by   fergus51
    Quote from BamaBound2bRN
    And yes- most of these are incubators who only care about the money!!:angryfire
    I can tell you that my birth mother is nothing of the sort. And my parents never spoke of my adoption like I was a commodity they were buying either. Call it liberal bleeding heart crap all you want, I call it love. I hope you and your wife are able to have a family in the future. I'll leave this thread at that.
  12. by   jkaee
    Quote from BamaBound2bRN
    Well ain't this just a dandy bit of liberal bleeding heart poor mother load of crap. The birth mother was a single mother who had been in and out of jail- not the ideal mother- and she just changed her mind and we got stuck with the hospital bills. As far as the courts are concerned- most states allow anywhere from 12months to 5 years for the birth mother, biological father, or any grandparent to "Change their minds." And yes- most of these are incubators who only care about the money!!:angryfire

    I will tell you that I received absolutely nothing from the adoptive parents. They didn't even know they were getting her until the day before I left the hospital. They had exactly 24 hours to get ready for their new baby girl. Imagine having a nursery set up in your house for years, never knowing if it was ever going to be used.
    It sounds like you did a private adoption. I went thru Catholic Social Services. It's a closed adoption process, but no one pays anything and no one gets anything. I don't get any updates or pictures of her. The last picture I got of her was when she was 9 months old. She turned 13 years old in July.


    And by the way, the LAST thing I am is a "bleeding heart liberal" about anything.

    I am so very, very sorry about what happened to you and you child. I can't imagine going thru that.
  13. by   ParasMom
    Quote from BamaBound2bRN
    I think the whole process of letting the birth mother interact with the baby is a grave injustice to the adoptive parents!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire My wife and I had been trying to have children for 12 years when we decided to adopt, and the hosptial had this practice of "Creating Memories". We took our daughter home and 18 MONTHS later, the sheriff showed up with papers taking OUR baby from us to give to the birth mother!:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire :angryfire YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE HELL WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS PRACTICE
    What on earth?!?!

    As a birthmother, I am floored at your post! My birthdaughter's adoptive parents were chosen by me and were even in the delivery room. I kept my birthdaughter in the room with me the ENTIRE time, and while it broke my heart to hand her over, I felt that those two days together gave me closure.

    Birthmothers are not incubators and until the papers are signed, that child is not yours. Had E's apars not been wonderful I might have backed out, but seeing them with her made it clear that this is how God intended it to be.

    Your adoption had a fatal flaw that had nothing to do with the birthmom holding her child in the hospital. Perhaps she picked up on your attitude and decided that her child was not going to be raised by someone so hateful.

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