13yr olds having babies. - page 2

I caught myself saying what any parent does not my child. I took my 13 yr old to the doctor yesturday & found out she may be about 4mnths pregnant. I do not let her run the streets, I take her to... Read More

  1. by   SmilingBluEyes
    You sound just like ME Steph. By the way, I made the decision to HS both my kids,largely due to this sort of thing in the middle schools here. Too many kids having sex too young...too many drugs...too poor education. If you ever need info/help regarding HS, let me know. it is TOUGH, but I have no regrets. I already see a BIG change my son's behavior toward the family, less hateful and more helpful...that is NO accident from what I see, as I watch his friends become more surly and rude by the day. I can't help but think the school influence is a huge part of the problem.

    Lack of proper supervision at school is a huge problem, which brings me ......

    Back to the subject.

    It is TRUE lots of teens are having babies for many reasons, but I still say based on this post, looking into coercion and /or rape is called for. YES SHE SAID IT WAS A BOY AT SCHOOL. But she has lied so far, was it REALLY? do you know WHO? This begs serious investigation. It may this child is hiding something or protecting someone who has/is harming her, possibly an ADULT!!!! I hope not, but it is something to think about. 13 IS SO YOUNG........rare is the girl this age who conceived in a sustained and committed relationship of any kind. Lots of cases of rape/coercion exist, more than we know. You have some serious investigating to do. AT SCHOOL? that is unbelieveble! Lord, don't get me started on the actions I would be taking legally...anyhow....

    Whatever the circumstances, I will say a prayer for you and your family. What a horrible situation for you all. PLEASE GET COUNSELING ASAP. I am truly truly sorry. You sound like a caring and decent person; this is so unfair for you both.
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Feb 18, '04
  2. by   Godswill
    One of my close frind got pregnant when she was 14 and i was 13, it happen to her at a skating ring, and what suprise us was that doc said techinally she was still a virgin, there was no real penetration, but that some way the sperms made it to the egg, I rember thinking thats not possible, but as i got older i realize, it very possible.

    I am so sorry u are going through this, but am also sorry for your dd, this is something that change your life forever, i got preg with my ds at 20, and i was scared to death, so i can only imagine how a 13 year old feel. I will keep your family in my prayer
  3. by   imenid37
    Girls today have such a distorted image of themselves. The line between adulthood and childhood has been blurred by the sexualizing of kids. It happens w/ clothes, w/ the protrayal of girls in the media, and on and on. Of course, I think my daughters are all attractive but even though I think we try to re-inforce this at home, my almost 16 yr. old constantly laments that she is too "fat." My 14 year old is made fun of at school by girls who are larger than her that she is "skinny and looks like a boy." Now the 11 year old says she's "too fat" because she has a little pot-belly (since she still has a little girls' build). It just drives me crazy. Putting garbage on TV like kids (I've seen this on Discovery Health) having nose and boob jobs for thousands of $$$'s only serves to overemphasize the physical and distort reality in terms of normal body image for kids.

    Last year, my 15 (almost 16 now) year old had a boy calling her at home and told me she liked him BUT didn't feel like she was ready to date or have a "boyfriend" at that point. I was so relieved. She knows she is a lovely girl physically as well, as personally and even though, we have the "fat" debate I think her self-esteem is pretty good. She also knows there's no dating allowed until age 16. Her birthday comes up in 2 weeks and there's no "boy" in the picture right now and that doesn't seem to upset her. The good thing is that her close friends are not, according to her, having sex or drinking/drugging at this point.

    I get so sick of the "Britney Spears" fashions we are subjected to at the mall. No 11, 12, 13, 14 year old needs a boyfriend or needs to be dressed like they are street-walkers. These girls need to be kids. If I hear one more person say to me that kids "mature" faster today, I will scream. That is just the problem. People look at these children's bodies and see that they look mature but forget that what's inside is still very much a child. Since we no longer let kids be kids in many ways, I think their thought processes and creativity are less mature than ever because we've stifled a lot of their childhood development by moving them right from, little kid to adolescent and by-passing that preteen, pubescent phase. Adolescents are still as stupid and hormonal as we all were at the same age. They may just not be as scared of the consequences as we were.

    We are supposed to be equals as females in today's society. Why then do we put up w/ the media basing our worth, in many cases, on our value as sex objects? It is such a challenge as a parent to encourage your daughter to develop her character and her mind to get noticed rather than just her body. I think as adults, it's up to us to just turn this junk off when it's on TV or at least tell the kids, honestly that we feel it is trash. It is so tough when your kids go to school and get a totally different message than the one you send at home. :angryfire I do so wish everything comes out as best as possible for you liltiger. You are certainly in my thoughts and prayers. You are certainly one very positive influence in your daughter's life right now. :angel2:
    Last edit by imenid37 on Feb 18, '04
  4. by   healingtouchRN
    hugs! my mom had me when she was 15, & it was her first experience. She didn't run the streets either....However, I turned out fine, first one to go to college, she is so proud! I will hold you & yours in my thoughts, I know you must be feeling a wealth of emotion now.
  5. by   Stephanie D
    So sorry about your daughter, but I'm sure with a caring mom like you she'll make it through this ordeal.
  6. by   colleen10
    I don't what to say, that hasn't allready been said. These have all been excellent posts.

    I truly feel for you and hope that you and your family can survive this. Especially your daughter. I am just a nursing student but I have taken care of 14, 15, 16 year old girls during my L&D rotation. I truly feel that pregnancy and child birth can be just down right traumatic for these young girls. Education and talking are so important right now.

    I saw a documentary a few years ago on HBO about middle school kids. It basically followed these children around school, home and extracuricular activities and focused on how these kids related to sexuality, having sex and doing other things.

    Mind you, this was a few years ago and at the time I had been out of high school about 7-8 years. What I saw, I could not believe my eyes. These middle school kids were doing things and talking about things that I didn't even known about til I was in college. It amazed me how things have become in such a short period of time from when I was in high school, let alone middle school.

    These kids were 11, 12 having sex, going to orgies, coming out of the closet, dressing like someone put it, street walkers. A lot of these kids were from your basic middle class family, with parents who were interested in their kids, talked to them about sex, drugs, etc. Surprisingly enough, a lot of this stuff was occuring at school, at band practice, at somebody's birthday party in their basement with parent's upstairs.

    I think this situation warrants further investigation as to who exactly the father is, what exactly happend that your daughter had sex. If anything to help your daughter cope with what has happened, maybe get some counseling too. Sadly, as inexcusable as it is that this happened at school, I can believe it. My friends' mother was a middle school teacher for 20 years who retired the day that she walked into the girl's bathroom and found two students having sex.

    Also, to the poster that talked about her daughter's friend that is having sex, etc. and she doesn't know what to do. This same scenario actually came up in this documentary. A girl told her mother about her friend in a similar situation. The mother wrote a heart felt letter anonomously to the other mother, telling her of what, at the very least, was being said about her daughter. The mother who received the letter could not believe it, went to the daughter and found out it was all true. The mother was grateful that someone took the attitude of "it takes a village to raise a child" as she was able to get her daughter help.
  7. by   live4today
    (((((((((liltiger and family))))))))) you will need all the warm hugs and encouragment you can muster dear one. i raised three daughters myself who are all wives and mothers today. my oldest daughter's first two kids are teens (almost 13 and 14) and i can't imagine them becoming daddies at that age.

    as opposed as i am to abortion, i'm afraid this would be one of those times i'd strongly consider it if i were you. no child should be giving birth! not a one! however...it's your decision to make, and you'll certainly receive all the support you need from your allnurses siblings. :kiss

    what is your daugther saying at this point now that she knows she is pregnant?
    what is the boy and his parents saying about it all? if you haven't had a sit-down discussion with the boy and his parents yet, i would strongly encourage you make that a priority so the parents and the two kids can be educated on what has happened, and how the parents want to handle the matter.

    i also agree with deb that you should investigate if it was a boy or an adult involved? perhaps the boy is an older teen who preys on little girls? god forbid it be a teacher, a security guard at the school, a janitor, etc. i wouldn't let it rest until i had the guilty party(ies) sitting right in front of me for interrogation.

    when i was in elementary school, there was a 12 year old girl who looked every bit 18 development wise who had a child at 11 (she said). and...when i floated to mother/baby eons ago, the youngest patient i had who gave birth was 12 (incest situation with stepdad). one never knows. the guilty party is usually closer than we may think. whatever you do, do not rule out any possibility.
  8. by   LisaRN2B
    Quote from cheerfuldoer
    [b]as opposed as i am to abortion, i'm afraid this would be one of those times i'd strongly consider it if i were you. no child should be giving birth! not a one! however...it's your decision to make, and you'll certainly receive all the support you need from your allnurses siblings. :kiss
    bless you, cheerfuldoer, for saying what i was afraid to say. this little girl is a baby herself, with her whole life ahead of her. it would be an option i would consider if it happened to my daughter at that age, regardless of my general feeling about abortion.

    to the op, you do have support here, whatever the decision. take the advice given here, all sound and good advice. check out the real scoop behind the pregnancy, too, as was first suggested by smilingblueyes. and if this was a boy from school, there should definitely be some accountability.
  9. by   gypsyatheart
    i have to agree, i was also hesitant to say this, but, in this case, abortion might be the answer, especially given the possibilities that smilingblueeyes stated. to be honest, that's the 1st thing i thought of...how odd for her to get pg at school...when? where? with whom? i would be very concerned that this was coerced by an adult!
    you do have support here, please let us know how this turns out, good luck to you.




    Quote from cheerfuldoer
    [b](((((((((liltiger and family)))))))))

    as opposed as i am to abortion, i'm afraid this would be one of those times i'd strongly consider it if i were you. no child should be giving birth! not a one! however...it's your decision to make, and you'll certainly receive all the support you need from your allnurses siblings. :kiss

    what is your daugther saying at this point now that she knows she is pregnant?
    what is the boy and his parents saying about it all? if you haven't had a sit-down discussion with the boy and his parents yet, i would strongly encourage you make that a priority so the parents and the two kids can be educated on what has happened, and how the parents want to handle the matter.

    i also agree with deb that you should investigate if it was a boy or an adult involved? perhaps the boy is an older teen who preys on little girls? god forbid it be a teacher, a security guard at the school, a janitor, etc. i wouldn't let it rest until i had the guilty party(ies) sitting right in front of me for interrogation.

    b]
  10. by   colleen10
    Please let us not let this get into a debate of Pro Life vs. Pro Choice but
    I too was affraid to say it as well, but I would definately consider the option of abortion, and quickly if she is @ 4 months. There is also the option of having a "twilight" abortion so that it is even less traumatic for her.

    I mean no disrespect if you feel that this not an option for her at all, just a consideration.
  11. by   Sadie04
    I agree with most of the posts, and certainly don't want to get into the abortion debate (for the most part I am against abortion, but feel I cannot judge others in that position as I have never had an unexpected or unwanted pregnancy). I hope you will discuss and weigh all options very carefully. My younger sister had an abortion in high school (she's now 26) and was traumatized for several years after and burdened by overwhelming guilt. She kept the whole thing a secret for a long time. It took years of counseling for her to be able to forgive herself. I agree that childbirth for a 13-year-old would also be traumatic, but I hope you will consider adoption as an option.
    I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time and will keep you in my prayers.
  12. by   loriLPN

    who's decision is it, legally, if daughter wants to keep the baby and mother thinks abortion/adoption is best?
    ....some young girls actually think it's cool to be pregnant. oral sex is no more personal than a kiss. now, i graduated from high school in 2000, and i do not remember any of this $hit going on in middle school...
  13. by   colleen10
    Without getting too far off track from the original intent by this poster, most states recognize that a pregnant minor is emancipated and able to make decisions for herself and her unborn and/or born child.

    However, I personally do not feel any girl this young knows what's best for themself. Sounds like this poster so far has done everything possible and right to protect her daughter from the ills of the world. I think and hope that this mom, dad and daughter can come to a decision that is best for all of them because a girl this young truly isn't the only one having this child.
    Last edit by colleen10 on Feb 18, '04

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