Newly qualified and want to quit

  1. So I'm new here but needed to get this off my chest and wanted some advice. Hopefully people will get back to me ASAP. So I qualified in March and went straight onto a haemotology ward.

    I was diagnosed with anxiety got put on medication and went to CBT. I have seen occupational health at the hospital I work in and have done a stress at work test. However, I'm still anxious.

    It's been 6 months and I've been off a lot more than I've been in. I've had a stage 1 sickness meeting. I just feel like I can't do this anymore. I hate the hospital it's never been for me. I've tried to suck it up but I can't.

    I'm crying and having panic attacks and constantly being sick whether it be the night before work or in the morning. It's awful.

    I feel like I'm just letting every one down on the ward. I have only just gotten a preceptor. None of my paperwork has been filled out. I have applied for a job in community and got it however, they may be withdrawing the offer due to my sickness record.

    My ward manager has refused to sign me off on IVs as she believes this will cause me more stress. I have discussed with her and informed her I would rather just be signed off. However, she has still refused and has told all staff not to sign me off.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't even make it into work. And when I do I'm being micromanaged, being told I'm not good enough or just genuinely feeling crap about myself because I'm waiting for someone to say something.

    I want to quit because I just can't do hospital nursing. However, my sickness record does not go in my favour and I have no hood references from my student days as all 3 of my placements tried to fail me and said I wasn't good enough. I have no idea how I qualified in the first place. I don't want to throw all of my hard work away but at the same time I just can't even get to work and I hate every second.

    It's making me so depressed to the point where when I'm in my car I wish someone would just crash into me so I don't have to go. It's not normal. Any advice would be appreciated. Anyone been in the same situation or left nursing altogether? Anyone left and regretted it? How hard is it to get back in?

    Thanks in advance.
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   dishes
    Quit and work on your mental health, when you feel ready, apply to work in non-acute care jobs, try to find a position that has a set routine and low stress.
  4. by   Kittykeely
    Thank you for your quick reply. This is what I was thinking. I just don't want to be stuck not being able to get back into nursing when my mental health has improved
  5. by   Wuzzie
    Was your mental health poor before you got into nursing?
  6. by   Kittykeely
    It was but nothing like this. However, when I went to CBT they did say that it was work that was doing this to me so if I'm out of work I may feel better but then when I go back I may be in the exact same position. However, I do feel like a more set area that's less acute may help it's just my sickness record that's stopping me currently
  7. by   dishes
    There are many types of nursing specialties, if you are interested in trying to match some of your basic personality traits to a specialty, suggest you do the 'find your specialty quiz' on Johnson & Johnson's' discovernursing.com. The quiz is based on American nursing, but it gives a general idea of suitability to a specialty and the information can be applied to an internationally educated nurse.
    Once you have some ideas about which specialties may suit you, you can find more information on the particular areas by clicking on "Specialties' in the yellow banner at the top of the page of Allnurses.
  8. by   Wuzzie
    Quote from Kittykeely
    It was but nothing like this. However, when I went to CBT they did say that it was work that was doing this to me so if I'm out of work I may feel better but then when I go back I may be in the exact same position.
    That's what I'm afraid of.
  9. by   GrumpyRN
    Hi, my opinion... quit now. You have only been there 6 months and you are feeling like that - time to go. You could see if you can find another job elsewhere but who is going to take you?

    You ward manager is protecting you (and your patients) by not signing you off. This will just give you more stress.

    You have no protections under employment law and to be honest it sounds as if you hospital is really trying to help you but eventually they will get rid of you. Without meaning to be nasty or hurtful, if you were off so many times in your first 6 months I would want you gone.

    If you can identify a specific thing that triggers you then perhaps that can be resolved. When you are at the stage of having suicidal thoughts - and that is what the crashing the car is - it is time for you to take stock and rethink your life. You have done the right things in speaking to people, mental health issues are no fun and need to be taken seriously. Please think of yourself and your health.

    I hope I have not come over too negatively but you need to be aware of the dangers to yourself. Time to find another job.

    Take care.
  10. by   XB9S
    Quote from Kittykeely
    It was but nothing like this. However, when I went to CBT they did say that it was work that was doing this to me so if I'm out of work I may feel better but then when I go back I may be in the exact same position. However, I do feel like a more set area that's less acute may help it's just my sickness record that's stopping me currently
    Have you been to occupational health? If not I would recommend you go. Also does your trust have an employee well-being team that you could access.

    If your a member of the RCN they have a well-being service, give them a call.

    The sickness policy is there to support and identify what can be done to help you stay healthy.

    As far as sign off for IV meds, I'd agree with your manager, you need to be less stressed at work before taking on additional roles.

    Community is challenging, you'll be a lone worker and access to support is limited while your with patients, could I ask what specialty you work in, if your on an acute ward you may find a rehab area more fulfilling, its still busy but in a different way.
  11. by   Kittykeely
    Thank you for your reply. This is it. I'm thinking all of our employers constantly tell us to out ourselves before our patients and I'm worried about these thoughts I'm having. I think that quitting may be the only option as no other nursing place will hire me due to my sickness record
  12. by   Kittykeely
    Quote from XB9S
    Have you been to occupational health? If not I would recommend you go. Also does your trust have an employee well-being team that you could access.

    If your a member of the RCN they have a well-being service, give them a call.

    The sickness policy is there to support and identify what can be done to help you stay healthy.

    As far as sign off for IV meds, I'd agree with your manager, you need to be less stressed at work before taking on additional roles.

    Community is challenging, you'll be a lone worker and access to support is limited while your with patients, could I ask what specialty you work in, if your on an acute ward you may find a rehab area more fulfilling, its still busy but in a different way.
    I have accessed occupational health again recently. My start time has been changed to 9am instead of 7am. And they have advised my employer to look at my anxiety as a disability rather than sickness. But other than that there isn't a lot that has been said.

    I preferred community in my training. I had my management plcement there but i still didnt fully enjoy it. I am on an acute ward I have been told by many that rehab may be my best bet. I have applied for jobs but have been turned down due to my sickness record so at the moment it looks like no other option but to quit my job :/
  13. by   XB9S
    Quote from Kittykeely
    I have accessed occupational health again recently. My start time has been changed to 9am instead of 7am. And they have advised my employer to look at my anxiety as a disability rather than sickness. But other than that there isn't a lot that has been said.

    I preferred community in my training. I had my management plcement there but i still didnt fully enjoy it. I am on an acute ward I have been told by many that rehab may be my best bet. I have applied for jobs but have been turned down due to my sickness record so at the moment it looks like no other option but to quit my job :/
    If your sickness is problematic then ask Occi Health about redeployment, you'll get preferential choices prior to jobs being advertised. It maybe rehab will be more manageable for you but even that's not a breeze.

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