Critique My Cover Letter & Resume! Honesty Welcomed!

  1. 0
    Below is my cover letter and resume, targeted at a correctional nursing position, edited to protect my identity. I used tables in the original resume which formatted strangely here on AllNurses. The actual resume does not have such giant spaces between everything and generally looks better than it does on here. Please feel free to rip apart either my cover letter or my resume or provide any criticisms you feel are valid, no matter how small. Thanks!

    Cover Letter:
    Some Person
    123 Fake Street
    Anytown, USA 123456
    Telephone: (XXX) XXX-XXXX
    E-mail: XXXXXX@XXXX.com

    June 24, 2013

    Ms. Hiring Person
    Human Resources Recruitment
    Some Company
    321 Fake Street
    Anytown, USA 123456

    Dear Ms. Hiring Person:

    I am writing in response to the opening listed on [website] for [City], [State] at the [facility]. I am deeply excited for this opportunity to join [company], a leader in correctional healthcare and the only correctional healthcare provider with [fact about company].

    My attached resume shows the profile of an entry-level registered nurse. What my resume does not show is my passion for serving the underserved. My unfailing professionalism and strong ethical center allowed me to provide compassionate care to inmates admitted to my clinical site for advanced procedures, including offenders other students and staff declined to care for. By the same token, my alert and conscientious approach to nursing practice allowed me to always maintain a safe environment for the patient and staff while maintaining firm professional boundaries in interactions with the patient.

    I sincerely believe I am uniquely suited to correctional nursing and would welcome an interview at your earliest convenience. I am certain that I would be a valuable member of the [company] family.

    Sincerely,

    Some Person


    Resume:
    Some Person, ASN, RN
    123 Fake Street | Anytown, USA 123456
    (XXX) XXX-XXXX | XXXXXX@XXXX.com

    Registered Nurse

    Loyal, motivated professional able to remain calm and use critical thinking and analysis to respond to crises. Desire full-time position with Some Company.
    PROFESSIONAL PROFILE
    Dedicated registered nurse recognized by faculty, preceptors and peers for professionalism and strong work ethic

    • Independent with strong critical thinking and problem solving skills; was routinely able to act with a high level of autonomy in clinical settings
    • Consistently exceeded expectations in completing accurate, timely assessments and delivering excellent patient care
    • Experienced in collaborating with and managing healthcare teams including unlicensed assistive personnel and licensed practical nurses
    • Proven leadership and ability to achieve diplomatic solutions with a wide range of personalities as elected class representative and informal student mentor and clinical group leader

    EDUCATION

    Some College, College of Nursing Anytown, USA
    Associate of Science in Nursing (ASN) with Honors
    GPA: 3.94
    May 20XX
    CLINICAL EXPERIENCE

    Nursing Practicum Some Hospital Anytown, USA Spr 20xx . xxx hrs
    Pediatrics Some Hospital Anytown, USA Spr 20xx . xx hrs
    Obstetrics Some Hospital Anytown, USA Spr 20xx . xx hrs
    Psychiatric Some Hospital Anytown, USA Spr 20xx . xx hrs
    Medical Surgical 2 Some Hospital Anytown, USA Fall 20xx . xx hrs
    Critical Care Some Hospital Anytown, USA Fall 20xx . x hrs
    Operating Room Some Hospital Anytown, USA Sum 20xx . x hrs
    Geriatrics Some Hospital Anytown, USA Sum 20xx . xx hrs
    Medical Surgical 1 Some Hospital Anytown, USA Fall 20xx . xxx hrs
    Summary:

    • Experienced in working with patients with wide range of diagnoses including coronary artery disease, congestive heart failure, neurovascular disorders, diabetes mellitus (Type I & II), sexually transmitted infections (including HIV), pneumonia, asthma, and others
    • Maintained a consistently safe environment for patients and staff by diligently adhering to facility guidelines and protocol
    • Trained in current evidence-based practice and techniques, including complex dressing changes, intravenous therapy, intramuscular & subcutaneous injections, nebulizer treatments, tracheostomy care, and assessment techniques among others

    WORK EXPERIENCE

    Tutor, English for Speakers of Second Languages (ESOL) May 20xx-April 20xx
    • Maintained detailed records of student strengths, weaknesses, preferences and overall progress
    • Contained costs for clients by organizing group purchases of common study texts/materials and by securing discounts from retailers
    LEADERSHIP AND AFFILIATIONS

    Member, Some Nurses Association (SNA) May 20xx-Present
    Volunteer, Relay For Life of Anytown 20xx April 20xx
    • Aided in establishing a tent to represent the Some College chapter of the National Student Nurses Association (NSNA)
    • Managed walks and games for charity during the event
    Class Representative, Some College Nursing Class of 20xx Aug 20xx-May 20xx
    • Elected 1st and 2nd year by peers to represent the student body at weekly faculty meetings
    • Tactfully presented student concerns to faculty and communicated faculty responses to student body
    Member, National Student Nurses Association (NSNA) Aug 20xx-May 20xx
    • Organized and recruited for NSNA sponsored volunteer opportunities
    Volunteer, English for Speakers of Second Languages (ESOL) Tutor May 20xx-Present
    • Provided free 1-on-1 tutoring for public school students from non-English speaking countries
    LICENSE AND CERTIFICATIONS

    RN License Number: 123456789, State of Some State, issued xx/xx/20xx
    American Heart Association BLS for Healthcare Providers issued xx/20xx
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  3. 4 Comments so far...

  4. 2
    IMO I like it because it is short and to the point. I hate reading resumes that come in a binder form.
  5. 1
    Completely agree with tokmom.
    thejadedmonkey likes this.
  6. 1
    All-in-all, not bad. You might consider moving the "License and Certifications" to below your "Professional Profile" section and add a "Skill Highlights" section just below that to show off what you know. About 4-8 top skills that you accumulated from your clinicals and life.

    Also, consider your degree listing thus:

    Associate of Science: Some College - Nursing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mth 20xx
    Anytown, ST
    . . . Graduated with honors - College of Nursing
    . . . GPA 3.94

    Now about your cover letter: It kinda lacks what makes you qualified for the position. Take a gander at this:

    Dear Human Resources Professional,

    Please consider me a strong candidate for the Correctional Nurse position advertised in the [website] for [City], [State] at the [facility]. Upon reading this announcement, I wanted to provide you the enclosed resume and recommendations. As you will note from my resume, I hold a RN licensure. Described on each of the supporting documents, I have gained the essential skills from clinical experience and as a tutor providing quality instruction as I earned my degree and license. Thus it is with a comprehensive foundation knowledge that I now seek to interview for and, I hope, serve within the capacities of the Correctional Nurse.

    Summarizing all that appears on the attached resume, I offer:

    . . . Strong assessment skills with the ability to prioritize care based on patient group using the nursing process.

    . . . A Highly adaptable personality that transitions easily between different tasks while working individually and with a team.

    . . . A demonstrated ability to assess and advocate for patient needs in developing and implementing nursing care plans and maintaining patient medical records.

    . . . Efficient response to urgent and complex clinical situations with patients using strong communication and critical thinking skills.

    However, what my resume does not show is my passion for serving the underserved. My unfailing professionalism and strong ethical center allowed me to provide compassionate care to inmates admitted to my clinical site for advanced procedures, including offenders other students and staff declined to care for. By the same token, my alert and conscientious approach to nursing practice allowed me to always maintain a safe environment for the patient and staff while maintaining firm professional boundaries in interactions with the patient.

    Though my resume is detailed and comprehensive, it cannot fully demonstrate the manner in which I have achieved success. Character, personality, and the ability to work in a team environment can be demonstrated in a personal meeting. I would welcome an interview at your earliest convenience. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am certain that I would become a valuable addition to your staff.

    Thank you for your valued time,

    Some Person
    thejadedmonkey likes this.
  7. 0
    Thank you everyone for your comments! This is my first resume and cover letter and I'm just trying to figure this all out in an employer-friendly job market.

    Bayat, your suggestions are greatly appreciated, especially with regards to my cover letter (which I felt particularly clueless when writing). I'll adjust it and my resume to fall more in line with your recommendations. Hopefully, both are enough to get me noticed.


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