Critique my cover letter! (seriously, rip this baby apart)

[woahmelly]

Here's my cover letter that I will be sending to a new grad program. Should I add in anything regarding experiences or use their vision statement or mission at all? It's a 200ish bed christian based not for profit facility so I don't know if there's anything i should add in.

Also? Is it okay for other programs, just altering it a bit to tailor it.

Thanks all!

Dear Sir or Madam:

Thank you for reviewing my application for the XXX Medical Center New Graduate program. As of May, I will have completed more than 150 hours of peceptorship and will be eligible to sit for the NCLEX. In addition to the required clinical experience and my preceptorship I always seek ways to increase my own knowledge for the benefit of my clients and the facility at which I pursue my career.

My dedication to continuing education to better serve my clients and place of work led me to obtain my ACLS certification in December 2011 as an addition to my current BLS certification. In addition, I completed a 30 hour basic EKG course and recently finished the National Institute of Health Stroke Scale (NIHSS) training via the American Heart Association. I obtained Conflict Prevention and Intervention (CPI) non violent intervention and deescalation training in order to better intervene in potentially dangerous situations and resolve them safely and in the best interests of clients and staff. Being active within my community is important to me and I seek to bring that commitment to your facility and the community of XXXX. I participate on the Disaster Action Team with my local Red Cross chapter as well as being a medical reserve corp volunteer for my county and the state of XXXX. I look forward to bringing my commitment to education and service to XXX Medical Center and the clients you serve.

Enclosed is my resume for your review.

I look forward to hearing from you.

woahmelly

[woahmelly]

WHOA everybody!!! Yes, you're trying to help, but when a person applies to a grad program (or even an undergrad program, or any other academic, professional, or even volunteer position) the whole point of a cover letter and essay is for the applicant to write HIS OR HER OWN LETTER!

It is not OK to edit, to give feedback, or otherwise comment on a person's writing that is to be submitted to help a committee select an applicant. Very general suggestions may be acceptable, but nothing applicant specific (a general rule of thumb is to give the same type of advice the applicant could get from a 'how to' book). The whole point of these essays is

I've been on the other side of the business world and have hired and managed employees. We trust that the words, phrases, grammar, and message of letters and essays is the work of the applicant, not the writing or edits of their mother, friend, colleague or neighbor.

I applaud you, woahmelly, for seeking advice and wanting to make a great impression. And, I applaud all those who want to help. But, this really should be YOUR work.

This was always intended as an exercise in advice. I would never, never consider any revisions or advice someone offered me as the only way to write this. I posted because I honestly have no idea how to write an effective cover letter and the community here at allnurses is full of experienced, intelligent, mindful people of who I would be honored to take their advice. Nor would I ever consider plagiarizing someone else's words.

I appreciate your concern and return it with my honesty and integrity.

[BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN]

Coming in after several replies, and I haven't read them all so my opinion isn't skewed, LOL. My thought is that the letter seems to cover a lot of what your resume probably does, in regards to your certifications, qualifications and such. What are you saying differently here that your resume doesn't? That's just my 2 pennies =)

[BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN]

It would be really cute, and at the same time really uncute if your potential hiring manager has read this thread.

But, . . .there is some awesome advice.

[troop949]

I'm not even in nursing school yet (waiting for my decision letter), but this thread has some awesome advice. I'll be bookmarking this one!

[Cr8zyamy]

Well this is rather off subject and somewhat relevant, at the least it will make you say "What?".

As a newly graduated LVN I decided to put a resume on Monster. Okay, no big deal there right? Wrong! My resume was written without the letter B. My keyboard was broken and rather than waiting to buy a new one, I eagerly posted a very creatively written resume. You might think this was a very bad thing to have done but I received quite a few responses to that resume. I even received a telephone interview from a recruiter who was intrigued and amused by it. Sometimes even a badly written resume can get a positive response. Just so you know, I would not do that again.