critique my cover letter!

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been working as an lpn in psych for a year since graduation. the pay really sucks and we get cut a lot. looking for a prn or pt position in ltc- it pays a lot more and i enjoy working with geriatrics. how bad is this cover letter?

i am respectfully submitting the enclosed resume for the consideration of a part-time or prn licensed practical nurse position. my education and experience has provided me with hands-on as well as theoretical knowledge necessary that will contribute to the knowledgeable and compassionate care that xxx is known for.

my experience in psychiatric nursing has provided me with the ability to stay calm and intervene during crises, facilitate groups and educational seminars, and collaborate on multidisciplinary teams. i have developed the ability to provide therapeutic care to a very wide variety of personality types, and have proven ability to build positive relationships with patients, family members, physicians and other medical professionals. i am a flexible, dedicated, and reliable employee with a strong desire to learn and succeed. my future plans include pursuing my education to registered nurse and obtaining wound care certification.

i am enthusiastic about exploring opportunities with xxx and look forward to meeting with you. i will contact you within the next few days to answer any questions and schedule an interview at your convenience.

Specializes in PICU, Sedation/Radiology, PACU.

I think it reads really well. I would, however, throw in a few sentences about why you want to work in geriatrics and the skills/experiences that you have related to that population.

Also, from a grammatical standpoint:

"-have developed the ability to provide therapeutic care to a very wide variety of personality types, and have proven ability to build positive relationships with patients, family members..."

The comma in bold should be removed.

Is there an open position for which you are applying? If so, it sounds good except you may want to try limiting your use of the word "I". It's difficult given that cover letters are always in reference to yourself, but the general rule of thumb is to avoid using "I" more than 2-3 times thoughtout the entire letter. If there is not a position currently posted, I would revise your last paragraph to say that you would appreciate them keeping you in mind for future employment opportunities if they become available; otherwise they may view "I will contact you within the next few days to answer any questions and schedule an interview at your convenience." as being pushy.Good luck to you!Amanda

Thank you both! I'll definitely double-check the grammer. I'll add something about geriatrics. How do you say "I just love working with old folks" in a professional way? Except for clinicals, my experience working with geriatrics was over 20 years ago when I worked as an aide.

They have not advertised an open position that I've seen; one of my former classmates who is employed there told me there were openings available. I agree with the "pushy" asssessment now that you've pointed that out- I'll definitely change that!

Any other suggestions?

Nice letter...agree with other posters...plus one thing grammar-wise is I'd change the last sentence of the first paragraph....I don't think you're supposed to end a sentence with "for"...should be more like "...for which xxx is known." Also, I'd change "pursuing my education to Registered Nurse" (sounds a little awkward or off somehow) to something else, like "becoming a Registered Nurse" maybe. Here is a cover letter that got me interviews at two different LTCs. Certainly not the best letter ever, but maybe some of the phrasing would be helpful. Something in them got me some attention. Only other thing I did different was to not only include the letter with my resume in the online application, but sent a hardcopy of letter/resume to the Nurse Manager of each facility. I wish you the best of luck in finding a new position.

Dear xxx,

I am writing to apply for the position of Registered Nurse which was advertised through the XXXX website.

In month year, I graduated with an XXXX Degree in Nursing with Honors from xxx College and am looking forward to beginning my nursing career. After reading about your facility and approach to resident care on your website, I would be honored to bring my skills and enthusiasm for quality nursing to xxxx. My dedication to the practice of nursing is evident through the honors I’ve received. In addition, my nursing instructors will attest to my competence and confidence in the delivery of holistic patient care.

I’ve been afforded invaluable experience in xxxxxxx. I’m confident that you would find the skills and knowledge I’ve gained and my caring approach to patients and their families to be an asset to your facility. Many patients I’ve cared for have told me that my thoughtful approach to their care made all the difference.

Thank you for considering me for the position of Registered Nurse. I hope to have the chance to speak with you about how I can contribute to the care of patients/residents at your facility. I have attached my resume for your review.

Sincerely,

xxxx, RN

Thank you- there's definitely some parts of your letter I can incorporate into mine. I love your 3rd paragraph! Don't you just love it when a patient - out of the blue- thanks you for something really insignificant in the grand scheme of things but made their outlook change for the better?

I also like "I would be honored", and "holistic", and how you mentioned the company's website. Since I have a friend already employed there, should I mention her name in the cover letter?

Grammar points definitely taken! I thought that RN phrase sounded a little off, too, but it's a rough draft. I have a friend in HR (totally different field!) that can review for grammer/punctuation/readability. I'm usually pretty good at it, but another set of eyes is always good.

You're welcome. It's always good to get a lot of people to review your resume and cover letter before submitting. I know that I have trouble editing my own letters,etc.....I'm not sure about including your friend's name. I'd ask your HR friend. I don't usually do it, but I have had someone who worked at a place I was interested in stop by the Nurse Managers office and put a good word in for me within a week after submitting my resume/letter. For me, that's preferable to "name dropping" in a cover letter.

With whatever hospital you decide on applying to I would do a little bit of research on it. With just clicking on the hospital's "about us" page you could find their mission statement... I would try and incorporate that in your cover letter so that they know you have a lot of interest in landing an interview with their facility. I always assume that HR gets thousands of new grad applicants and you REALLY have to make yours stand out.

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