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- by bigp71 Jan 9Hello to all!. i graduated in may 2012 and got license in aug 2012 been looking for work ever since. got acls training certified in november and waiting for insurance card to come in the mail so i can do my physical start volunteering at another hospital .i dont know if i need major help with cover letter to just get a call back or its my resume . im sending this resume to where i volunteered and did clinicals at, it was like a third home for me and sending a dozen resumes over there i thought i would of got at least a callback from that place the people there just told me keep applying.....
...well here goes im asking to break down my cover and resume to its very core so i can rebuild it for recruiters or managers to at least raised their eyebrow any help is greatly appreciated
123-45 123rd street
123 Nurse Avenue
Dear Ms. *****
This is with respect to the employment opportunity you have posted on your web site. I am interested in taking up the position of Staff Nurse in Surgery department and I fit into your requirement criteria too. The reason why I am so keen being a part of surgery department and your organization is that I feel medical/surgical is the foundation of the Nursing practice to build upon your skills as a nurse and your commitment to servicing keeping ***** and Greater****** area healthy with your many events and programs.
I graduated in May 2012 with my Bachelors Degree in nursing and obtained my license in August of 2012. I am an extremely motivated Registered Nurse I am determined to provide top quality, compassionate, and excellent client centered care. My education, clinical experience and professionalism will enable me to succeed in your facility.
I demonstrate my pursuit in knowledge with past certifications as a CNA, EKG and Phlebotomy technician. I have current certifications in BLS and ACLS training. I worked as CNA to understand nursing from the ground up and helped me develop compassion for the patients under my care. As a nurses aid prior to nursing school it allowed me to develop basic care skills and apply it in my clinical rotations. I am a quick learner, agreeable, honest, enjoy working in teams’, and thrive when faced with a challenge. My time as a volunteer at ***** Hospital in *** department has helped me develop excellent customer service skills towards patients and staff.
My application can only tell you a little about my enthusiasm. I would be grateful for the opportunity to meet you at your most convenient time so I can further discuss my background, qualifications, and interest in detail. Thank you for you consideration. Please feel free to call me at any time at
and here is my resume
123-45 122nd street USA 10000
Long Island University School of Nursing - Brooklyn, NY
· Bachelor of Science - May 2012
- RN next generation scholarship 2011
· ***** Hospital- Respiratory Care Unit NY(March-May2012)
· ***** Hospital-Home Health Services NY(January-May2012)
· ***** Hospital- Sub-Specialty Clinic NY(September December2011)
· ***** Hospital -Medical Surgical NY(September-December2011)
· ***** Hospital - Pediatric , NY(September-November2011)
· **** Hospital- Psychiatric , NY(January-April2011)
· **** Hospital -Maternity NY(January-March2011)
· **** Nursing Home-Geriatrics Brooklyn, NY(October-December 2010)
Nursing & Rehabilitation Facility- NY 2009- 2010
· Prioritized patients daily care according to priority and patient procedures
· Implemented safety measures, reported changes in patient status, and communicated patients concerns to Registered Nurse
· Assisted nurse in procedures including care for stages I-IV ulcers
Hospital Center - ,NY 271.5 Hours 2009- 2011
**** Intensive Care Unit-Desk clerk
· Answered multiple line phone and documenting messages
· Retrieving medical records and delivering to appropriate providers or department
· Produced charts and tables with Microsoft Applications for staff scheduling and meetings
· Registered Nurse, New York valid through July 2015
· Heart Association Provider ACLS valid through November 2014
· Heart Association Provider BLS valid through August 2014
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- Jan 9 by nitasarnI've always gone with the "keep it simple" route and have received good results. First if this is copied and paste, your sentence structures are choppy and run on.....I would take out anything that you already have listed in your résumé.why read it twice? That would take about a paragraph from you cover letter. I usually start off by saying my name, I'm a recent new graduate inquiring about the position at blank hospital. I am very interested in working for the hospital because thru my clinicals and being a volunteer, I have come to appreciate and respect the work that the hospital does blah blah....then I would go into my qualities which you did well, just add that you have excellent customer service skills. The end is good just need to clean it up. I would ax the first sentence and just go into I would be grateful for the opportunity to meet with you, my résumé is attached for further review. Thanks for you time and consideration.Your name
- Jan 9 by nitasarnFor the resume: I guess I'm old fashion but I still have an objective. I just recently starting using cover letters and that was only because of contacting employees by email.Your scholarship I would list a separate heading that says awards and then put so so scholarship recipient Prioritized patients daily care according to priority ?acuity and patient proceduresIn your cover letter it says that you were a CNA is that not on here? And then phlebotomy is good is that a certification? If so you can put that underneath that heading.
- Jan 9 by bigp71thank you so much!! yeah copy and pasted on here . I have been hearing so many times i should and shouldn't put objective on resume, talk to career counselor she told me to take it away.
yeah phlebotomy technician certifications it helped big time when giving insulin injections to patients in clinicals . i got certified as patient care technician wasn't sure to put that as well since its was pretty much cna/ekg/phlebotomy and its expired as well. was planning to try to get a job as nurse tech prior to nursing school but those classes and clinicals didnt make that possible.
yeah i may switch CNA description i was trying to hard to make it sound impressive
thanks will make corrections
- Jan 15 by FlatlanderBigp --
Your cover letter has lots of good ideas in it, but the writing is a problem. If you know someone who has good writing skills, take your completed cover letter and resume to them and ask them to edit it. (That first paragraph needs a complete rewrite. The second paragraph is better.) Then ask a couple people to proof read it. (The more pairs of eyes that look it over, the less chance of a typo sneaking through.) As mclennan said in her recent "rant", (Good resumes vs Bad resumes), if words are misspelled or there are typos, the resume will land in the "circular file."
I think you should keep your sentences short: one thought per sentence, a clear subject and verb, then a period at the end.
In your resume (and in writing in general,) it's nice to keep the same verb tense throughout. If you use the "-ed" ending, as in "answered multiple line phones", then don't switch to the "-ing" ending, as in "documenting". At least try to keep the same verb ending in the same sentence or same paragraph. It will "flow" so much better! Say, "Answered multiple phone lines and documented...blah,blah,blah.."
Your resume has some lines that don't say what you mean to say, I think. They seem a little confusing and redundant. Give it a careful reading to make sure you're not repeating things and that what you say really makes sense. Try to make one thought follow logically from the thought before that, and so on. Maybe read it aloud to see how it sounds...?
If I have time in the next day or so, I could try to give your grammar a little tweaking, if you like.
I really liked the ideas you tried to convey in the cover letter. It is obvious you have tons of enthusiasm and a good grasp of what employers are looking for. Just get your grammar cleaned up and as somebody else said, "keep it simple". (It's funny -- you know what to say, but have some trouble saying it...I'm the opposite. I can write it, but have trouble figuring out what to say! Maybe we would be a good team!)
Best of luck... and go get 'em!
- Jan 15 by bigp71yeah thanks , yeah will definitely look at grammar, funny thing all my English professors tell me how my writing doesn't reflect my speeches and there always thrown back when reading my papers , been trying to work on it will definitely work harder and get others to look at my cover letter and resume
- Jan 16 by FlatlanderYep, I bet you gave some awesome speeches and your professors probably wouldn't know that just by looking at your written assignments. All the more reason to get a grip on the grammar!
If you got thru nursing school you can get thru basic grammar. (Can I say that again, louder, in caps?) Anybody who can learn hundreds of medications and their side effects, lab values, procedures and all the steps, anatomy, physiology, etc, can learn grammar. However, it is much harder if you didn't learn it and hear it very early in life.
I use the little book called "The Elements of Style," by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White. It's a classic and gives you the basics you need in order to write like a pro. It is very simply written and easy to understand. Nothing complicated at all. Just don't get stuck on the names he uses to describe parts of speech. It's not necessary to know those. Just look at the examples he gives and you'll get the picture quite clearly. You can probably buy it used online for a few bucks or pick it up at a used bookstore. It's been around forever, but is still in use, I think. (It says in the introduction it was Will Strunk's "attempt to cut the vast tangle of English rehtoric down to size and write its rules and priniciples on the head of a pin...". I definitely think he succeeded! It was written in 1919 and revised in 1959. Some things have changed, but it's a great place to start.)
You can also get a list of commonly misspelled words, probably found online if you Google it. I noticed your use of "there," which I think should have been "they're" or "they are." That's a very common one. But that's probably covered in "The Elements of Style," too.
Start by making complete sentences whenever you write anything: Capitalize the first word of every sentence. Make sure there is a subject and a verb in every sentence. (The subject is the "actor" and the verb is the "action.") A junior high or high school grammar book from a used book store or library can show you how to properly construct a sentence and a paragraph. Be sure to end your sentences with a period or exclamation point. Do this every time you write anything anywhere. That's all there is to it! Keep it simple is my motto!
Now, resumes and cover letters are a different matter! They are an absolute bear (for me)! Everybody has a different opinion on the "correct" way to do it. To me, they all end up sounding like B.S. (And I'm not talkin' about the bachelor of science degree!) I guess I should just follow my own advice and keep it simple, but I keep wanting to complicate it and I need help! Please see my post in the Resume help section!
Anyway....Good luck! You are smart! You are a nurse! You will be unstoppable when you master the writing skills! In the meantime, get somebody to proofread the important stuff.
- Jan 16 by FlatlanderThe text of The Elements of Style is online at Bartleby.com. You can read it there for free!