City, State, Zip
April 24, 2012
Bassett Healthcare Network Little Falls
Little Falls, NY
Attention Human Resources:
I am writing in response to an announcement posted on the Bassett Healthcare Network Little Falls employment opportunities website for GN/RN Acute Care Dialysis position. As you can see from my resume, I will graduate in May 2012 from XXXXX Community College. I will also be enrolling into a BSN program upon graduation.
Since I was young, I've always had the urge to help someone in need. Becoming a nurse allows me the personal satisfaction of helping others in times of vulnerability. With my drive to help another, I will take every opportunity to broaden my knowledge and skills to become the best nurse I can be.
My clinical experience in Medical Surgical, Intensive Care Unit and Progressive Care Unit enabled me to develop skills that prepare me well for the challenges of nursing. With an extensive customer service experience, patients will feel welcomed, cared for and informed through exceptional interpersonal communication skills. Excellence in patient care requires a strong foundation in knowledge and skills, as well as the ability to adapt and grow with changes in evidence-based practice and technology.
I would be honored and excited to be a part of the Bassett Healthcare Network Little Falls team and contribute my skills to your staff and patients. Thank you for giving my resume careful consideration. I would welcome the chance to meet with you to discuss possible employment opportunities. I look forward to hearing from you.
May 11, '12
- sounds a little flowery/wordy
- "with an extensive customer service experience" - take out "an"
- "Excellence in patient care requires a strong foundation in knowledge and skills, as well as the ability to adapt and grow with changes in evidence-based practice and technology. " - ok sure, do you have that strong foundation and ability?
- be more specific about why you want to work for *them* in particular and not just any old hospital. you shouldn't be able to take out their hospital's name and insert another and still have the cover letter work. it needs to be individualized.
- either add "unit" after medical-surgical or take "unit" off the end of intensive care and progressive care. parallelism!
- i would take out the 2nd paragraph and replace it with more details about what makes you stand out. that paragraph is very generic and could fit like 95% of new grads.
- "i would welcome the chance to meet.." --> "i welcome the chance to meet"
- "enrolling into" --> "enrolling in"
good job though
hope it works out for you!