Nurse Fights for License After Sex With Dying Patient - page 17

Link to the article: I've been discussing this article with my husband, and we both have watched and read some people saying that she should be let off the hook. I don't think so, but my... Read More

  1. by   dadda11o
    Well, it's a year later for me. I am still embroiled in a divorce with a husband that wants to throw me out with nothing. In the discovery during our divorce, I learned that his gambling was a lot more of a problem than I was previously aware of. Not to mention that a BDI - II that I completed with him shortly before the affair came to light indicated severe depression. I understand what you are saying about developing friendships and relationships through work, nursemarion. In fact, there are times, and this is noted in professional literature, that boundary "crossings" may be appropriate. But in those cases, they need not be kept secret or out of the patient's nursing documentation.

    Anyway, my husband has continued to engage in this affair. Although the nurse in question stated in a letter to him well over a year ago that her husband was determined to divorce her, there has been NO divorce action taken in their marriage. My husband had (we don't talk much at all anymore) told me they were trying to get her husband arrested for domestic violence. He is apparently "helping" her through ... when I asked why she wasn't contacting a DV agency, the police or an attorney, he didn't have much to say other than a lot of derogatory stuff about her husband, She has her career, husband and home intact. I have mounting legal bills, lost one of my jobs part time due to all the stress (anxiety, depression, sleep problems) this is causing me ... especially the fact that despite accepting "what is" and trying to get the divorce finished, he refuses to put forth anything resembling an equitable settlement. I am trapped, unless I just leave with what I can carry out in my car ... which broke down again last week.

    I'm not going to claim that I am the perfect wife, but our daughters are suffering through this too. The nurse wrote a letter to our younger (17yo) daughter asking that she be understanding of his harshness and "be patient with him". Since that is role reversal, I can only think it is also indicative of whatever this nurse's psychological problems are ... She has tried to befriend my daughters, buying them gifts and such. One daughter screamed at her father, "Can't you see she's playing you?!" and finally just broke down crying. The younger confronted her father when he complained about finances and told him that it is his behavior causing money problems, after which he told me that I need to throw her out at the end of the school year. (He has not lived here since filing for divorce in October 2010, except for very short periods, and not at all since April 2011, at which time part of his foot was amputated because nobody noticed the small spot I found on one of his visits and pointed out to him.)

    Doesn't matter, though. The state isn't interested in the secondary victimization that is going on due to the nurse's unprofessional behavior. She apparently took him to an attorney's office and they signed off on some letter stating that the relationship is "consensual". If I sound like someone who deserves this treatment because I somehow was a failure in my marriage, so be it. Not that I have any say in the matter. I can't even imagine what I would be thinking if I hadn't been in nursing ... and how our daughters figure in to deserving their pain and loss while this "noble Nightingale" is viewed as someone "just making my husband happy" ... that part I don't get. But I don't think the families behind the scenes often get to have much of anything put forth for people to think about. I trusted the nurses and the facility ... as I absolutely should have been able to. At least someday, this will only be a bad memory.
  2. by   dadda11o
    And just a little BTW, there is not as much literature out there about female "sexual predators" as there is males. BUT, if a nurse wanted to find likely victims, checking the patients out in terms of age, religious affiliations, family and strength of relationships, diagnosis and prognosis ... it's all there. Plus whatever records are placed by other departments. THAT IS part of the reason for the boundary and why it should be strictly communicated to health care professionals as well as strictly enforced. Think about it ... did the Oklahoma nurse choose the patient because of his demographics/diagnosis or for "pure" reasons of the heart?
  3. by   nursel56
    I know there are cases where "romance blossoms" but this was nothing like that. As a private duty nurse myself it makes me sick to think of how she used the trust placed in her and the access to the woman's terminally ill husband to engage in unethical behavior and deceive the wife in this case. No. This is not Helen Hayes and Gary Cooper in "A Call to Arms".

    There are so many posts here already. I would suggest people read #59 and especially #93 from rn/writer and NRSKaren.
    Last edit by nursel56 on Apr 22, '12 : Reason: add something
  4. by   middleager
    rn/writer-nurse156 well said. Does anyone see any similarities between the core issue here and what is going on with the secret service agents? I understand one may or may not be love and the other no doubt is lust, the is issue is trust. To whom much is trusted much is expected. Both nurses and secret service agents are given an inordinate amount of trust by those who depend on them. More than perhaps nearly anyone else who will be in their lives who are not family. With that in mind, they both betrayed the trust of those who depended on them, they CHOSE to engage in behavior that they knew was a violation of the code of ethics they swore to. They made a decision to violate the oath that not only held them to a higher standard, but gave them a higher level of privledge, trust, and dependance of those who trusted them. The patients family also placed their trust in this nurse, just as the agents were forced to leave for a life time, some offenses make trust impossible again, not just because they are so grevious in nature, but so basic in personal judgement trust becomes questionable for ever. This is a personality flaw not an error in judgement, personalities are hard to change. This nurse not only cheated the patients family, she cheated all other good nurses by placing that doubt in the minds of those who know about this. Right or wrong professions can be judged by a minority of members actions. Lots of banks out there, very few partcipating in causing the meltdown...but. You either are deserving of a higher level of trust or you aren't, it shouldn't depend on whether it is to your advantage or not to be "just human". If this were a 49 year old male doctor and a 21 year old female patient, would you still think it defensable by the desires of the heart?