Threatened to be Fired for "patient safety" issues.

I was trying to keep an open mind, perhaps you were making up how bad the manager was, but she is completely stupid, all she had to say, it is not our policy to give out references period. Now I know you were completely truthful.

Mention it on your resume, don't list as a reference, say you had professional differences ( it happens). Enjoy your baby and search carefully for your next job.

I don't blame you for being afraid to go back into nursing, you are suffering from a mild case of post-traumatic stress disorder. It sounds like you've taken steps to improve your medical knowledge -- great! Now take some steps to heal yourself emotionally. It's important to treat your emotional state before venturing into the nursing world again. Please read some books on resilience and positive psychology.

Resilient people are able to bounce back from negative events and succeed, and the two attributes they have in common are high self-esteem and a positive mental attitude. Your self-esteem has probably been damaged by your ordeal. Unless you address this, it will come out in job interviews and be interpreted negatively. Check out the book Resilience: Discovering A New Strength At Times of Stress by Frederic Flach, MD, or simply look for books with the word resilience, resiliency, etc. in the title.

You can learn about low self-esteem by reading Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem
by Marilyn J. Sorensen, PhD, but if you're in a hurry skip right to the positive psychology books: Positivity and, if you get a chance, Learned Optimism.

Positive psychology uses proven cognitive behavioral techniques to help lift your mood and increase your self-image. Just by learning how important a positive attitude is to resilience and success will jump-start your recovery. One thing I learned is the "self-analysis" done while in a negative mood is not very accurate, and that such rumination actually harms our self-esteem, problem solving, and happiness.

Finally, check out some natural medications to help you overcome stress and rumination by reading Natural Medications For Psychiatric Disorders, written by a couple of Harvard psychiatrists. Here's a short list of suggestions to get you started:
- inositol -- tastes like sugar, considered a B vitamin by some, it is great for minimizing rumination, and is safe, even at very large doses
- valerian -- excellent for stress and trouble sleeping, very safe

Take care of yourself mentally and you will succeed! Good luck!

Hey Trustsupplyguy, I think you are RIGHT ON about the PTSD! I know it has been the case with me a few times. I think nurses tend to overlook it when it relates to them. Thanks for bringing this up. I would actually like to see a thread about PTSD.

Yes, PTSD is not easy to deal with. And new nurses are very vulnerable.

So how does a nurse deal with getting a job knowing that her first employer is giving negative references? You must develop a positive story that explains your situation, and through your tone of voice and body language, you must imply that you are a resilient, positive, problem-solving person with good insight. This is the kind of person people want to hire! This is also the type of person that the Nursing Board is most likely to be lenient with.

Develop a good story to explain your situation. Admit you made a mistake, what you learned from it, and the steps you have taken to correct it. The story should also mention contributory factors, such as poor orientation and inexperience, but make sure to be factual and non-blaming. This is where restoring your self-esteem and positive attitude will help you, because without them you'll come off as too negative toward yourself and/or others.

A main trait of resilient people is that they see things, even "bad" things, in a positive way. For example, this experience has made you a much wiser nurse. It's given you an opportunity to increase your knowledge.

Another trait of resilient people is that they view mistakes as part of the learning process, and work to avoid making the same mistakes again. Explain that you've put an action plan in place that will keep you from making similar mistakes in the future.

Finally, resilient people are open to new paths. Being willing to consider school nursing is one example, but the job market may dictate your path for you. You must be flexible and positive! You must convince yourself that you can take on new challenges. The book The Secret of Success is Not a Secret by Darcy Andries is about the failures of successful people. A book like this will show you that successful people often endure many failures before they succeed. For example, Soichiro Honda was turned down by Toyota Motor Corporation during a job interview as engineer. He continued to be jobless until his neighbors starting buying his "home-made motor scooters."

It's unfortunate that nursing, and life, deal out situations that are unfair, but that's the way it is. Many nurses have had bad experiences starting out, but they have overcome them. For all you know, the person you are interviewing with is one of these people, and they will understand what you've gone through.

It sounds like you have already done much of the work you need. If you use this opportunity to improve your resilience, you will have learned something that will benefit you the rest of your life. Remember, the keys to resiliency are a positive attitude and healthy self-esteem! As you improve yourself in these areas, you will be able pass them along to your child. What a wonderful gift!

C & C,

You have convinced me! It sounds like you have really learned from your experience, and your insight is excellent. You have taken this "bad" experience in a mature and positive way -- I'm impressed!

Your challenge is to summarize your story, deliver it with conviction, and keep positive about yourself and your abilities in front of a skeptical manager.

One thing that might help: Try understanding your former tormentor / manager. My guess is that she has low self-esteem which causes her to pick out victims to abuse in an effort to make herself feel better. The stress she experiences on the job is temporarily relieved by bullying. Once you grasp that, your bitterness towards her will begin to diminish. This will come across in the interview, and you've just scored another point!

This doesn't mean you need to forgive her. You job is to keep yourself from being victimized by someone like her in the future. Abusers look for vulnerable, "nice" people they can victimize -- if they sense they can push your buttons, they will. By being calm and confident, you will be a less attractive victim. You have probably been a victim in the past, even if you don't realize it now. A positive, problem solving attitude will help you immensely. The trick is staying calm and in problem-solving mode when under attack.

There are many books about how to deal with an emotional bully by changing yourself. Two excellent ones are Who's Pulling Your Strings and Emotional Blackmail. Other good ones include: Dealing With Difficult People; Emotional Vampires; and In Sheep's Clothing.

Many of the books I've suggested are available at the library. You don't need to read them cover-to-cover. Just skim them and pick out a few pearls of wisdom. Then reinforce the pearls by making post-it notes and sticking them where you'll read them. I have a post-it note program on my computer. I've programmed different notes to pop up on different days.

You can also make a tape of the pearls with some soothing music in the background. Play it when in the car, or anytime you want to relax. When you notice an improvement in yourself, congratulate yourself. It takes some time, but gradually you'll incorporate more and more of your learnings.

Above all, stay positive! Negative feelings will undermine your ability to problem solve and persevere. Negative self-talk is the main thing that prevents us from making positive changes in our lives. You don't have to be perfect to be a good nurse. YOU CAN DO IT!

You learned about RED FLAGS!!!! I can't tell you how much this will help you down the road. Listen to your gut and you won't go wrong! Best of luck to you!

My last job my NM was NM sister, so I can feel your pain. Fortunately, I was an experience nurse and new I needed to get out. Now I have a great position and have an equal position in the same system. Something good will come you way, please kiss your baby for me and Happy Mother's Day.